Clay bounces back.

Wow guys, sorry this one's so late. Holidays, you know. And unlike the Newport Harbor kids, I was not home for the latest holiday. I was out of town for a few days, but now I'm back and ready to party! Let's see what the kids have cooked up for us this week!

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"Oh cripes. You saw that?"

And we're back with more Newport Harbor: Home for the Holidays! Except this week nobody is at home and there is no holiday - unless you count Billy Frat Party Day as a holiday. Evs, lets join the gang down at the beach in Newport, or up at the beach in Santa Barbara, or midway at the beach in Santa Monica. Quit your job, drop out of school, whatever it takes to be one of the cool kids in Orange County. Let's go!

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Welcome Home for the Holidays! Home, that is, to Newport Harbor! MTV is treating us to four special episodes catching us up on what is going on with our favorite flaky rich kids from Orange County. We left them setting off into either the big world of college, the big world of Europe, the big world of senior year, or the big world of real estate. Let's spread on some baby oil and put on the sunglasses. It's time to return to Newport Harbor: The Other Laguna Beach!

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"Did you all use the spray tan we gave you?"

So eight big episodes mark the debut of Newport Harbor: The Other Laguna Beach. I'm not sure how the change in scenery has fared for our MTV documentarians, but I guess you don't find a Kristin Cavallari on every block, do you? I do think, though, that you can find a Lauren Conrad on every block and that is the lesson we have learned from our Newport narrator, Chrissy - the latest boring pretty girl. All she has to do is drop out of college, have MTV rig her up a prestigious internship, surround herself with controversial friends and start clubbing in LA and we'll have another Hills! See what you can do, Chrissy. In the meantime, let's say goodbye to our new friends.

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"Like, ew! Hurry up and take the picture!"

Well, it's finally here. The culmination of years of strenuous study, sacrifice and hard work. Or in this case, shopping, laying out, and gossip. Yes, it's graduation at Newport Harbor High School and our adorable teens are leaving the experience every bit as shallow and self-centered as they started. They have a big summer of lounging ahead of them and they just can't wait to get started. Let's head to the beach to watch our gang wind down their final days of childhood.

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This week on Newport Harbor everyone is making plans. Mayor G-Thing is planning to school Clay straight down the path to promiscuity, Chrissy is planning to go shopping for a new swimsuit, Allie and Fatty are planning to visit a continent called France, and Chase is planning to continue jerking everyone around. Taylor is planning to remember to be mad at Chase, and Sasha is planning to provide a lot of good conversation driving while Chrissy ponders on which swimsuit to buy. I'm planning to steal my parents' credit card and put a down payment on a condo. Let's head on down to the real Orange County!

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One more for posterity!

It's time for Prom in Newport Harbor! It's the pivotal episode where bonds are formed and hearts are broken. Dresses are bought and nails are painted. Pictures are taken and lots and lots of alcohol is consumed. Tease your hair and shave your legs. Find a gown and buy a corsage. And don't forget to rent a limo because we are off to the event of the season with our favorite spoiled teenagers in this... the ever anticipated Prom Episode!

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Young love's mystery

Thank goodness for impromptu parties this week on Newport Harbor. Just about everyone seems to have had enough of Clay and Chrissy's little mating dance and would like to see them finally just make something happen. Everyone, that is, except for Allie, who has some plans of her own. I myself, am ready to watch something besides talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. It's time to turn it up a notch and it's going to take a whole lot of work from a whole lot of sidekicks to make sure that things go down according to plan in this welcome fourth episode. Join me, won't you?

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And sometimes not even talk.

So what's new this week down in Newport Harbor? Do you think that like, Chrissy still likes Clay? Do you think that Clay still likes Chrissy? How about Chase, is he still flirting with everyone and trying to prove that he is the biggest playa in the history of Orange County? And Mayor Grant, is he still the life of every party? Will Allie ever call Fatty out on kissing Chase right in front of her? OMG so many questions to squeeze into one little half hour episode. Join me to watch the drama unfold in this, our third episode of Newport Harbor.

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Hating her.

Excellent. It's time for our weekly foray into teenage pretension. This week the gang decides to take on a local service project bringing meals to the elderly and forgo shopping for a week in order to donate money to underprivileged children. Yeah right! What they're really doing is sitting at the beach, doing their nails and getting their shop on. But what fun would it be otherwise? How would we know who to love and hate if they were all making the world a better place? They need as much leisure time as possible to figure out reasons to hate one another. Save a spot for me on the sand in Newport Harbor !

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