"I have a really difficult, complicated life."

Tonight is the final installation of our super-special holiday treat: Newport Harbor: Home For the Holidays. We last left Chrissy pouting over the fact that she can't have everything and everyone and also, her ultra-annoying friend Kylie has been acting like she's way too good for all of this and we are all lucky to know of her. Let's join the troops once again to find out what's happening down in the real Orange County.

Continue reading "Newport Harbor: Newport Harbor: Second Time Around?" »

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Clay bounces back.

Wow guys, sorry this one's so late. Holidays, you know. And unlike the Newport Harbor kids, I was not home for the latest holiday. I was out of town for a few days, but now I'm back and ready to party! Let's see what the kids have cooked up for us this week!

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"Oh cripes. You saw that?"

And we're back with more Newport Harbor: Home for the Holidays! Except this week nobody is at home and there is no holiday - unless you count Billy Frat Party Day as a holiday. Evs, lets join the gang down at the beach in Newport, or up at the beach in Santa Barbara, or midway at the beach in Santa Monica. Quit your job, drop out of school, whatever it takes to be one of the cool kids in Orange County. Let's go!

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Welcome Home for the Holidays! Home, that is, to Newport Harbor! MTV is treating us to four special episodes catching us up on what is going on with our favorite flaky rich kids from Orange County. We left them setting off into either the big world of college, the big world of Europe, the big world of senior year, or the big world of real estate. Let's spread on some baby oil and put on the sunglasses. It's time to return to Newport Harbor: The Other Laguna Beach!

Continue reading "Newport Harbor: Newport Harbor: There's No Place Like Newport Harbor for the Holidays!" »

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"Did you all use the spray tan we gave you?"

So eight big episodes mark the debut of Newport Harbor: The Other Laguna Beach. I'm not sure how the change in scenery has fared for our MTV documentarians, but I guess you don't find a Kristin Cavallari on every block, do you? I do think, though, that you can find a Lauren Conrad on every block and that is the lesson we have learned from our Newport narrator, Chrissy - the latest boring pretty girl. All she has to do is drop out of college, have MTV rig her up a prestigious internship, surround herself with controversial friends and start clubbing in LA and we'll have another Hills! See what you can do, Chrissy. In the meantime, let's say goodbye to our new friends.

Continue reading "Newport Harbor: Newport Harbor: That's a Wrap!" »

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"Like, ew! Hurry up and take the picture!"

Well, it's finally here. The culmination of years of strenuous study, sacrifice and hard work. Or in this case, shopping, laying out, and gossip. Yes, it's graduation at Newport Harbor High School and our adorable teens are leaving the experience every bit as shallow and self-centered as they started. They have a big summer of lounging ahead of them and they just can't wait to get started. Let's head to the beach to watch our gang wind down their final days of childhood.

Continue reading "Newport Harbor: Recap: Newport Harbor: Like Party! We're Graduating!" »

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This week on Newport Harbor everyone is making plans. Mayor G-Thing is planning to school Clay straight down the path to promiscuity, Chrissy is planning to go shopping for a new swimsuit, Allie and Fatty are planning to visit a continent called France, and Chase is planning to continue jerking everyone around. Taylor is planning to remember to be mad at Chase, and Sasha is planning to provide a lot of good conversation driving while Chrissy ponders on which swimsuit to buy. I'm planning to steal my parents' credit card and put a down payment on a condo. Let's head on down to the real Orange County!

Continue reading "Newport Harbor: Recap: Newport Harbor: Is Rome Like, a Country?" »

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One more for posterity!

It's time for Prom in Newport Harbor! It's the pivotal episode where bonds are formed and hearts are broken. Dresses are bought and nails are painted. Pictures are taken and lots and lots of alcohol is consumed. Tease your hair and shave your legs. Find a gown and buy a corsage. And don't forget to rent a limo because we are off to the event of the season with our favorite spoiled teenagers in this... the ever anticipated Prom Episode!

Continue reading "Newport Harbor: Recap: Newport Harbor: Prom with G-Thing?" »

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Young love's mystery

Thank goodness for impromptu parties this week on Newport Harbor. Just about everyone seems to have had enough of Clay and Chrissy's little mating dance and would like to see them finally just make something happen. Everyone, that is, except for Allie, who has some plans of her own. I myself, am ready to watch something besides talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. It's time to turn it up a notch and it's going to take a whole lot of work from a whole lot of sidekicks to make sure that things go down according to plan in this welcome fourth episode. Join me, won't you?

Continue reading "Newport Harbor: Recap: Newport Harbor: Lights, Camera, and finally ACTION" »

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And sometimes not even talk.

So what's new this week down in Newport Harbor? Do you think that like, Chrissy still likes Clay? Do you think that Clay still likes Chrissy? How about Chase, is he still flirting with everyone and trying to prove that he is the biggest playa in the history of Orange County? And Mayor Grant, is he still the life of every party? Will Allie ever call Fatty out on kissing Chase right in front of her? OMG so many questions to squeeze into one little half hour episode. Join me to watch the drama unfold in this, our third episode of Newport Harbor.

Continue reading "Newport Harbor: Recap: Newport Harbor: All Talk and No Action" »

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