This week's pro bono case is brought to you by Nair. Yuppers, Christian and Sean are working on someone who looks like she has a bad case of Teen Wolf-itis, which worked wonders for both Michael J. Fox and Jason Bateman, so how bad could it be? Totally unrelated to the Lupine-like patient, Lez starts getting hot and dizzy. I expect this to mean that we're supposed to believe that lesbians also suffer from Menopause. Yeah, right. How stupid do I look!?!?!

After Lez passes out, not from lack of activity in her nether regions, but rather from acute yougotyourkidneystolenbyahookerandpossiblyyourbossandnowcantfunctionproperlylikeshelbyinsteelmagnolias syndrome. Seriously, that's what the doctor called it. The only way to remedy this is to start dialysis followed by a kidney transplant. The doctor asks Lez if she has any family who would be willing to donate a kidney to her, but since Lez is super annoying she offers up a no-ski. Not to worry, because Lez is only 62,342nd in line for a new kidney, so she should be off the dialysis in no time! This is totally acceptable to Sean, but not to Christian. He offers up his and Sean's kidneys for testing to see if they are a match with Lez. You immediately get the impression that Sean isn't too pleased about this.

It seems the Christian and Michelle banging for Burt nonsense is still going on, as Christian is giving it to Michelle doggy style over a table with creepy old Burt looking on. How romantic. But even scumbags as scummy as Christian have their limits. He announces that he's "done playing dildo." Ugh. If only he used the word "dildo" in a different context; I could really use a drink...

Christian leaves, but Michelle follows him. He wants her to leave Burt, but she can't because she already has too much invested in him. She vows to never go hungry again! No, wait. She vows to never belong to another man. That's it. Michelle tells Christian that she'll figure a way to get them out of this. "I'm nobody's whore," Christian announces to Michelle. Are you nobody's whore? Or everybody's whore? Just a thought.

Sadly, Dawn Budge is back. Yes, I realize that I was a fan in her fist outing, but now I'm sort of starting to feel like Dawn and Rosie are both starting to wear out their welcome. Too bad for me, as Rosie just signed on to do a spin-off starring Dawn. Maybe once she's on her own show, Rosie will tone it down just a tad. It seems Dawn's problem this week was an ear jacking. What, you've never heard of an ear jacking? I hear they are all the rage now. It seems Dawn was out buying some icy earrings to soothe the pain of losing her husband to her daughter, when a thief came by on a motorcycle armed with a switchblade and cut her ear right off. I was half expecting the helmeted bikers to reveal themselves as Michelle & Jackie B., but no such luck.

Sean and Christian lay out all the possibilities for Dawn, but none are conducive to her plan of landing her own Steadman in one year. I guess I'd be way more into that plan if I actually believed Steadman existed. I'm on to you, Oprah! Sean then explains a more radical procedure of going to a genetics lab and having a new ear grown for her. Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!