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Perhaps when Christian is finished putting the Carson Kressley on Dawn, he can work on HK Jackson, and get him to retire his vest.

Regardless, HK Jackson's two dads are waiting for him at school with the brand new Porsche, leaving HK wondering whose turn it is for a mid-life crisis. But no! This little present is to celebrate HK's QUARTER-life crisis. Matt isn't so tangled up into Scientology that he can say no to a brand new Porsche. Especially when he starts fantasizing that his father is Kimber, who wants him bad. Finally, Hello Kitty Jackson's true feelings for joining Scientology are revealed!

HK Jackson takes the car directly to Kimber's house expecting to take her for a ride on both his meat stick and in his new car. Kimber isn't impressed though. She sees the gift for what it really is... a big fat bribe. I can't tell if Kimber is just crazy, or if she really and truly believes in this whole Scientology thing. And I must give credit where credit is due: the show has certainly taken a different road than I would've thought with the whole Scientology story. In the battle between L. Ron Hubbard's legacy and Christian & Sean's parenting skills, L. Ron Hubbard and his spaceships are kicking ass.

Meanwhile, Sean and Julia are planning their wedding with the bitchiest wedding planner whose name isn't J. Lo. Sean was under the impression that Julia wanted a huge wedding. She doesn't want a huge wedding or a nasty wedding planner telling her she needs to shed some baby weight (you see its okay Jennifer Garner). The wedding planner heads out just as HK Jackson, Kimber and some random Scientologist storm in and start packing up Matt's things. HK Jackson may like Manga and little boys, but he DOES not like bribes. Sean promptly flips out, but there is nothing they can do; Sean is eighteen years old and can't be held in the house against his will. He can also vote, buy porn and be drafted to war. Being 18 rules! Julia shows her Mama Bear teeth to Kimber asking her how many of these men she's going to ruin. First Christian (because of whom she was kidnapped and mutilated) then Sean (with whom she had sex with and that's really all) and now Matt (whom she is trying to help have a better life - supposedly) - Julia points her finger in Kimber's face, letting her know that this is not a battle she will win. This gives Kimber the opportunity to deliver the best zinger of the night: "Nice ring. Looks like it worked on you too." Ooh, I love seeing Kimber and Julia smack down - and not just in a dirty way.

After hours at the office, we get to see what a surgical hand job looks like, and let me tell you it isn't as delightful as the naughty kind. There are needles and stroking and white goo - hmm... maybe it's more similar than I realized. Regardless, as always happens when you are doing plastic surgery off the books with your forbidden love's regal pimp, matters of the heart begin to surface. Michelle was one of Jackie B.'s best "girls" but she, too, fell for Michelle. That's right; Jackie B. was in love with Michelle, although she's not a lesbian. So she's touched by the lengths Christian will go to in order to help Michelle. Here's the new deal: After the $500 K is given Jackie B. will be out of their lives forever.

Christian needs to take another deposit out of the Dawn Fudge Bank so he heads over to her place, and let's her know how horrible it is. She needs Christian Troy Designs! (DRINK!). As the two of them head upstairs to check out Dawn's Dale Earnhardt shrine, they come across something only slightly more disturbing: Her daughter and her new tits riding her husbands surgically enhanced penis (don't worry he's Dawn's second husband).

Sean takes another step closer to becoming the Anakin Skywalker of fathers by calling in a deprogrammer to kidnap Sean and unbrainwash him. Riiiiiiiight.

After he meets with the anti-Manchurian Candidate he heads home and overhears Julia leaving a message for HK Jackson about how horrible Sean is. But don't worry Julia; Sean's got everything under control. Yikes. If that's not going to strike fear into Julia, I don't know what is. Julia shrieks about them not being a family, and gives Sean back his engagement ring.

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Posted in Nip/Tuck by Umnata at 12:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Last Comment: MichyPR on Oct 11, 2006 09:32 PM.