What do you get when you mix "Gossip Girl", "Twilight" and "The Real Housewives of NYC" ? NYC Prep. Join me while we get a glimpse into the super-glamorous life of ghoulish teens who spend more money than we make in a year all the while complaining about their lack of love and relationships. This show illustrates the reason some animals eat their young.
Warning: Watch out for rich kids inviting you to dinner. You might end up being dessert.
It's lunchtime as we join Jessie and PC who have risen from their respective mausoleums and are gorging on food like they haven't eaten since the night they were chased by villagers with torches and axes. Be careful and watch your hands while these two are feeding or you may lose a finger or two.
In between bites and burps they talk about how much more mature and grownup they are than the rest of the kids they know. Especially kids that don't go to private schools. While she's busy putting people down, Jessie is sporting a very ugly fake fur vest. If she were shorter with a mustache she would look exactly like Sonny Bono.
PC tells Jessie about his dinner with Kelli and Camille because he likes to torture Jessie. Jessie is jealous and still has feelings for PC, which is amazing since she's been dead for over 50 years. She's been trying to get PC to sleep in her coffin with her instead of the closet where he normally sleeps.
PC takes great pride in telling Jessie that Kelli and Camille said she's a bitch. But just so PC doesn't push Jessie too far, he says he felt like he was baby-sitting Kelli and Camille during their dinner because they are so young. PC is 1 year older than Camille and 2 years older than Kelli. Teen years are kind of like dog years, so I guess he has a point.
Jessie tells PC she doesn't care about his dating other girls because he is not her boyfriend. But just to make sure he doesn't continue his relationship with these girls, she asks if he will ever go to dinner with Kelli and Camille again. PC says no, but we know if he really wants to push her buttons, he'll go out with Kelli, Camille,Taylor, Taylor's Mom, a democrat, a poor person and anyone else Jessie hates just so he can twist that knife of disappointment even deeper into the space that was Jessie's heart.
Please don't be sad because Jessie doesn't have a heart. She can't see where she put it due to her wonky eye. Did you ever notice that when she talks, one eye is focused and the other looks like it's chasing a squirrel? Just saying.
PC continues to talk about Jessie's rude behavior to illustrate how bitchy she was to Kelli and Camille. PC calls Jessie a bitch one too many times and Jessie gets down to actually bitch-slapping PC. She says he called her a bitch over and over and she reacted. If she wasn't so busy eating she might have gone for a gun or wooden stake. Besides, it appears that PC likes being slapped. I'm guessing this isn't his first time.
Next we catch up with Taylor the public school girl. She is vintage shopping with two of her school friends, in other words, not private school kids. Taylor says she can't see Sebastian in a thrift store and then she casually mentions that Cole, her ex-boyfriend is not completely out of the picture. That's code for I have a boyfriend, but Sebastian is a new guy with money and we are on the same reality TV show so I'm going to go out with him too.
Meanwhile in another part of town, Sebastian and Kelli sitting on a park bench together. Kelli is very happy to be alone with Sebastian, she thinks he's worth getting out of the casket early in the day instead of waiting until sun down. Sebastian is a Zac Efron wannabe whose hair is practically the seventh cast member on this rotting corpse of a show.
« America's Got Talent: There's No Business Like Show Business | Main | Big Brother Countdown Picture Contest: Four Days! »
Comments (17)
You nailed it this time! YES YOU DID!! I'm only on page 1 but the snark is top-rate.
1 of 17 | Posted by tadow | Posted on July 5, 2009 2:32 PM
Thanks Tadow,
Glad you enjoyed my recap. Thanks for reading my post, I'll keep working on improving.
TVannie
2 of 17 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on July 6, 2009 5:37 AM
I was watching the Disney channel with my niece and all the boys have the same stupid hairstyle with the constant flipping. When did this start and why? So if someone were to shave Sebastian's head, would the girls wake up a realize he's not attractive?
3 of 17 | Posted by newcastlefan | Posted on July 6, 2009 8:46 AM
Nice job TVAnnie! Your captions were funny and I'm glad you've cast aside your reluctance to say cutting things about these little assholes, it really shows this week.
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. Every time I see Sebastard and his hair I think Shaun Cassidy, didn't he look almost the same?
4 of 17 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on July 6, 2009 12:55 PM
Excellent recap, Annie!!!!
Can you believe we watch this crap??? Damn Bravo!!
5 of 17 | Posted by Trister | Posted on July 6, 2009 2:25 PM
TVannie, awesome recap! I love the vampire/zombie/eat your soul motif. So appropriate!
Thanks for the giggles! I wonder if Sebastard's hair has it's own contract? LOVE that nickname!!
SWAK, PottyMouth
6 of 17 | Posted by PottyMouth | Posted on July 6, 2009 4:38 PM
Dear Newcastlefan, J-Mo, Trister and PottyMouth,
Thanks for all of the feedback. I've still got a long way to go, but at least it's a good start.
Newcastlefan: Wow I didn't realize this hair cut or lack of hair cut was a trend among the young and popular. I agree that if you shave Sebastard, he would not be very attractive. We can wait about 20 years when he won't have all that hair after his hairline recedes half way over his head.
J-Mo: Thanks for the encouragement. Shaun Cassidy's hair was similar to Sebastian's mop. But somehow it didn't look so bad on him. I think it looks like Bobby Sherman's hair too.
Trister: Thanks for the love and no, I can't believe we watch this crap.
Pottymouth: Thanks for the "Kadooz" as Ramona would say. I think Sebastian's hair will negotiate a separate contract and it will get endorsement deals with several hair products. But when he gets older he will get endorsement deals from "The Hair Club For Men".
All:
Thanks again for reading my post and I hope to keep getting better as the season goes on. One thing is for sure, these kids are not going to get reigned in by their parents any time soon, so I'll have no shortage of subject matter.
Love and luck,
TVannie
7 of 17 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on July 6, 2009 9:55 PM
Doesn't this show remind you of that other stupid Bravo show that had the teenagers selling real estate in California? These kids are just as shallow and hair obsessed- I hate watching this show - I'll read the recaps but Jessie's crossed eyes bother me so much I can't watch anymore- I do love how she claims to be so "fashion obsessed" yet looks fug all of the time - I really can't wait for her to grow the fat ass that you know is coming and cry every day because she can't fit into fashion anymore!
8 of 17 | Posted by singleinmymind | Posted on July 7, 2009 8:45 AM
Great job, TVannie! I always liked your recaps. Sometimes the snark isn't so strong but you have great observational skills and your writting is superb. I read all of Teen Hearthrob recaps. I can't remember the name of the show...you the one with Jeremy Jackson, and I loved your recaps.
Anyhoo, PC is such an over-actor. Listen, PC, get over it...you're not Chase Crawford, honey.
Speaking of fat asses...Mr. Carey's ass also looks like its waiting to blow up.
Nice closet references, Annie. PC seems to be having trouble on the romance front but not because of dating the wrong girl. The problem's that his been dating girls period.
9 of 17 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on July 7, 2009 7:12 PM
Amazing recap!! I usually don't laugh out loud while reading recaps, but you had me giggling like a little girl the whole time.
Keep up the good work!
10 of 17 | Posted by imalush | Posted on July 7, 2009 8:00 PM
singleinmymind, ugly cutie and imalush,
Thank you all for the pat on the back.
Singleinmymind: Yes, this show is kind of like that show about the teen real estate agents. I thought the one guys hair made his head look like a penis. And who would buy a house from kids who are barely old enough to shave? Plus they were annoying
Uglycutie: Yes "Confessions of a Teen Idol" was my show. Eric Nies and his "pee" hair. That still grosses me out. And thanks for being so sweet, you're a doll.
Imalush: Thank you for your kind words. It makes me feel good that I put a little laughter in your day.
Working on this week's post right now, hope to post it in the next day or so.
Love and luck,
TVannie
11 of 17 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on July 8, 2009 1:40 PM
Yep you are hitting your stride!! I am glad you could get over not wanting to criticize because they are children. I actually admire that, but I think this is an entirely different situation than a show with actual kids on it. Like that beauty pageant show.
I am not sure how much these children care or realize just how damaging this show is going to be for them. I have a hard time watching this show because if the children are our future then we are in for a future of self involved, over indulged, delusional people with a sense of entitlement, who worship at the feet of consumerism. Oh wait we are already there- the programmers at Bravo are some sort of visionaries, they just have these shows on to remind us of that.
Sebastian and the hair flip!! I was searching for a snarky joke to make about it. But mostly all it inspires me to do is to punch a baby in the face. It is like his hand has a mind of its own and it must flip his hair every five seconds without fail or the world will come to an end or a plane will crash into an island somewhere. What I don't understand is why one of his friends doesn't reach out, grab his hand and say STOP. Hit him with a rolled up newspaper and say, NO!
Sebastardyflip also seems to have taken lessons from the school of Spencer Pratt. Please lets hope he isn't the second coming of the Pratt.
And who else that thinks PC is hiding in the closet? Or is it his attempt at trying to act worldly?
12 of 17 | Posted by reckless_saturn_11 | Posted on July 8, 2009 2:10 PM
Is it me or does Jesse just have that typical WASPY look? So does one of the other girls but I can't remember her name. The one that has a plan to go to Harvard, become the head of a genetics firm and have two kids. But they both have the thin, upper lip, the receding chin, and old lady thin hair.
13 of 17 | Posted by areyoucliff | Posted on July 8, 2009 2:14 PM
I think that both PC and Jessie are gay and just do not realize it yet. Jessie just looks like a lesbian to me. No offense to the lesbians out there. She just looks like one. Enjoyed the recap. Punks!
14 of 17 | Posted by blacklashes | Posted on July 8, 2009 5:13 PM
"PC says no, but we know if he really wants to push her buttons, he'll go out with Kelli, Camille,Taylor, Taylor's Mom, a democrat, a poor person and anyone else Jessie hates just so he can twist that knife of disappointment even deeper into the space that was Jessie's heart."
Hahahah, so awesome. I liked your first recap but this one is so hilarious, and I'm only on the first page.
And the mention of her lazy eye is so great, I was hoping I wasn't the only one who noticed it (though I don't know how that would be possible).
15 of 17 | Posted by kelsey | Posted on July 15, 2009 4:47 PM
Kelsey,
Thanks for the comment, you're a dear. I hope you'll keep reading my recaps and that they continue to make you laugh once in a while.
TVannie
16 of 17 | Posted by AnneM | Posted on July 15, 2009 5:36 PM
Your recap was dead on, but I have one teensy comment about the captions. Don't explain them too much. I want to take out a sentence on some of them and leave the rest. Otherwise, kadooz to you!
17 of 17 | Posted by TVCyn | Posted on July 22, 2009 9:31 AM