TVgasm Recaps

So what do you do when you are a hip, single thirty something looking for some good reality television? Sure, we all love Real World, but there's only so much of Wes's stupidity one person can take in one day. If only there was a show out there that had that Real World flavor but was geared towards the more sophisticated viewer. Of course, since I'm talking about reality TV, I use "sophistication" loosely.

Well, look no further as this summer we get One Ocean View. No, it's not a crossover of The View and 8th and Ocean, although god knows we need Vinci and Starr Jones to meet. Nope, it's a new summer reality series featuring "people old enough to have real jobs, issues and baggage, but still young enough to leave all that behind and have a great time" spending their weekends at a summer house on Fire Island. So it's like an older Real World where the contestants think a career is actually getting a job like opening a restaurant or being an insurance broker, as opposed to appearing on Real World/ Road Rules Challenge until you turn 40.

Hey, I have baggage! I have a real job! And I am still young enough to leave it all behind and have a great time! This is the perfect reality show for EdHill! And from what I've read it looks like this can be the sleeper reality show of the summer, even with such stiff competition as Big Brother All Stars and Project Runway 3. I mean, they have identical twins! That just opens up all sorts of opportunities for wacky musinderstandings.

Fire Island, here we come!

Hey, remember that "sex video" we put up from ABC's upcoming Fire Island romp, One Ocean View? Well, we actually received a cease and desist on it, even though the video featured no nudity, no discernible sound (minus one fleeting moan), and no solid evidence that the people having sex were on the show in the first place. The bad news is that we had to take the clip down (don't all start crying at once now). The good news is that we have something equally as titillating in its place: the official One Ocean View trailer, set to the wuss-tastic sounds of Dashboard Confessional. This brief clip features more skin than our supposedly scandalous sex-tape, but I guess the lack of any orgasmic moans makes it okay to post. Truth is I started watching this video with my eyes fully prepared to roll, and while they did in fact roll, I was way more amused than I expected to be thanks to the constant onslaught of pretty people cheesing it up for the camera. Why look, there's the dreamy guy staring pensively into our souls! And there's the bitchy lady standing poised with firm resolve! And there's the buxom blonde girl randomly sitting on some sort of wicker structure! And there's the jacked guy, hunched over a railing as if to say, "Check it out, I'm hunched over a railing." So it might not be a sex tape, but hopefully, you'll find this clip worth at least 100 of its 108 second runtime.

Tired of B-side and all his Hills silliness? No? Yeah, me either. So for those people that can't get enough of contrived, pseudo-Real World-y, romantically-angled reality shows, we have One Ocean View, a reality show starring twentysomethings that all have somewhat impressive jobs, yet still manage to act stupider than Coral and the Miz combined. Sure, it's full of contrived situations and has all the reality of Wrestlemania, but these are the dog days of August. Summer and bad reality TV are as American as apple pie and porn. So sit back and let the soothing sounds of summer take you to a place called Fire Island. A place where if this show is any indication, no gay people ever set foot. A place where up and coming New Yorkers take weekend breaks in a fantastic beach house, stop being polite, and start getting real. Or something like that.

After an initial episode that was a little slow and focused more on introductions, One Ocean View finally gets its groove going in Episode 2. Consider the first episode to be the one with lots of Jar Jar, and then when Episode 2 hits its all bounty hunters and Lightsaber duels. The Lauren and Zack relationship, if that's what you can call it at this point, boils over and becomes a main focus of this week's episode. Also, we get more people at the house so it gets that much harder to tell them apart. And most importantly, we get random casual sex. And believe me this girl puts the capital C in casual. Even Trishelle from Real World would give her a double take. But hey, that's how things are on Fire Island. And we're not here to judge. Oh wait, I mean we are totally here to judge. It's like the best part of reality TV!

Remember last week's episode of One Ocean View when John and the Playboy model were all schmoopy woopy with each other and then we saw a preview of the next episode where she was screaming and throwing things at him? I bet you couldn't wait to see what happened, right? Or maybe you are wondering about whether or not Usman can find the right product for his hair on Fire Island? And what of Lauren and Zack? Did Zack's big date go well? Was he finally able to get Lauren out of his head in order to make more room for the things he likes to ponder, namely "fire hot" and "food taste good"?

Well, unfortunately I am the only one wondering about these things because we found out that One Ocean View has been canceled after only 2 episodes. The amazing thing is it was only a 6 episode series to begin with; so you know it had to be doing bad. Yes, the network that has cursed us with five straight years of According to Jim thinks a show about screaming Playboy models and horny hedge fund managers wasn't worth six lousy episodes. I haven't been this mad since they canceled Manimal. Ah well, I suppose for those of you out there desperate to know what happened, you can always check out the cast's MySpace pages. Personally, I am going to be hanging around Miki and Rhada's pizza joint just waiting for drama to happen. I'll be the weird guy in the corner with the laptop blogging about it.