The show opens with our voiceover narrator. But this week instead of the painfully stilted Miki, we hear from Mary, the blonde girl with a thing for KJ. And she is equally awkward at voiceovers. James Earl Jones she ain't. She gives us a little recap of the first episode which is basically Zack and Lauren fighting, Usman looking for some play, and Mary? "I'm here looking to find love" she says. "I kinda liked KJ at first, and then Lauren moved in". Then we get a quick recap of the great Lauren KJ text message controversy. Hmm, I am now recapping a shows recap. That is so meta.

From here we go right to the opening credits, which bear a striking resemblance to the opening credits of a little show called Melrose Place. Right down to the part where each person looks up at the camera and lets out a little smile. Oh how I used to wish one day the credits would have read "And guest starring EdHill as Chad McManus" as I give out my coy smile with my awesome sideburns. I would have been a mysterious real estate mogul moving into Melrose Place and offering to buy Shooters from Jake, only to fall in love with Sydney and get caught cheating on her with Jane. Then I would get kidnapped on a boat and get amnesia, or some other crap like that. I planned it all out in my diary.

Anywho, Once the credits finish we see Zack on the ferry ride over. Only this ferry ride, is a ferry ride full of melancholy as evidenced by the really cheesy flashback images that float over his head. Images of him reading the infamous text message, images of Lauren walking in slow mo. Then we cut back to with a pensive look on his face. Of course in reality he was probably just gassy but we get the message.

When Zack gets to the island he meets up with Lisa, the shy stripper. Now I know that this whole preplanned borderline scripted "encounters" are the mainstay of some reality shows, the Guna being the pioneer, but it's still a jarring experience to me. It's gonna take some getting used to. It's like the time that I found out wrestling was fake (believe me, all though my early teens I was convinced it was real. And frankly, this guy still thinks its real) . Lisa asks him about what happened the other night and Zack fills her in on the big ferry kiss controversy. Did Zack kiss her? Or was he the kissee? And does he like her or not? It's unbelievably juvenile and stupid, and I love every second of it. God how stupid people entertain me. I swear if I was a king in the middle ages, I wouldn't have a court jester I'd just bring a bunch of teenagers before me and listen to them argue about who did or didn't invite someone to the summer solstice dance and whether or not Batholomew, son of Gabriel, did in fact send a text message on royal parchment to Winnifred, daughter of William. Then I'd behead them all!