Meanwhile at the One Ocean View house KJ is getting dinner ready and talking with Mary about all the house drama that he is in the middle of. He just wants to lay back and chill man. Soon Lisa and Zack show up and Zack immediately pulls KJ aside and asks whether or not he is interested in Lauren. KJ says nothing will happen so he shouldn't worry. Zack doesn't really buy it what with the whole kiss and text message controversy. KJ keeps telling him that "It's not gonna happen". Then Zack says he already heard that he did hook up with her. At least that's what Lauren told him. As KJ walks outside Mary gives a quick "Shh" and then Lisa leaps into view with a high pitched "hi! I like your shirt!" . Lisa is not smooth. KJ tells Mary that he was just accused of "hooking up" with Lauren, which makes him mad. "Does she want to start a war with me?" Now I'm confused as well. Growing up in suburban CT, "hooking up" was always considered making out, until I met people from other suburban CT towns who referred to "hooking up" as having sex. It's all so confusing. Why can't people just say "we screwed".
Back out in the kitchen, the mindless gossiping continues unabated. Lisa and Mary are talking about "what Zack wants in a girl". They think he has potential but is a little immature. I don't buy it since to be considered immature by these people would mean you are a fetus.
Later that day Miki and Radha are walking up to the house and having another one of those scripted "this is what I'm thinking about" moments that highlights the pairs acting ability, which was first let loose on the world in their Cornell performance of Cyrano De Bergerac. One of them (I stopped caring about which one was which) hopes that KJ and Mary don't hook up as she doesn't think they are right for each other. Also remember no one has hit on either of them at all yet, so maybe there is a little something else going on there.
That night we are in for a treat (as evidenced by the shit kicker country music that starts playing). A new houseguest is coming to town! She's blonde and has huge fake boobs. Paging Usman! Her name is Heather and she is a "Sales Account Manager", which is a conveniently vague job description. When she appears at the door and introduces herself all the guys give her a big double take as if they've never seen a bimbo with fake ones before, which we know is of course an impossibility with this crew. After a brief shot of Mary, the small chested blonde, giving her a dirty look she tells everyone she is from Pennsylvania. "What brings you here?" someone asks. "Just a fun summer" she sheepishly responds. Oh c'mon! just say it. "I was contacted by the producers to be on the show and thought it would be a great way to get my acting career started"." I mean it's not like those of us watching aren't aware you have a giant TV crew in front of you and are playing to them for drama. We know. We accept it. And we love you anyway.
John is the "funny one", hence the hat.
Next we see Lauren coming up the street and in a great piece if editing we hear cartoony wicked witch of the west music playing as we see her getting her umbrella caught in the rain. Something bitchy this way comes! When Lauren comes into the kitchen Zack decides to play it cool. Too cool for school actually, and not even get up to greet her. He just sits there and keeps eating his Doritos. At dinner John asks to hear a little something about their new roommate. She admits that yes last month she was in Playboy. Once the boys hear that they reach over the table and high five each other. That actually made me laugh out loud. I love dumb people. I really do. Lauren in one of her best Lauren moments to date says "Were you naked?" Awesome. Not to be outdone Zack says "So you must have like a ridiculous hot body." Good lord it's the Algonquin roundtable brought back to life. Sadly she didn't bring a copy of the magazine with her. Another thing this "Sales Account manger" used to be? A Steelers cheerleader. Of course "celebrity wannabe" is assumed.
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Comments (3)
This show is horrible but I LOL-ed so hard during this heated interation:
Lauren: "Zach, you're so UN-decisive."
Zach: "It's IN-decisive. Learn words."
Loved it.
1 of 3 | Posted by hanan5050
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Posted on August 8, 2006 1:00 PM
"Their like that one girl at the party that comes with her friends and just decides to c-block all her friends attempts at having any fun. I hate those chicks."
We used the term "friendosaurus" to describe that girl in college.
2 of 3 | Posted by RealityMonkey
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Posted on August 8, 2006 2:26 PM
Holy shit, EdHill, I think you've outdone yourself. The Machiavallen comment...the Melrose Place opening...some of your finest work, to be sure.
I think I may have to watch this show. I've been looking for a cheap pick-me-up to make me feel better about myself by looking down at other people.
3 of 3 | Posted by BSL
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Posted on August 10, 2006 8:48 AM