The next morning as Usman, Anelka and the gonorrhea that they both now share are sleeping in the cabana, everyone goes outside to spy on them and think it's hee-larious. It's like a walk of shame right outside your window! Usman walks upstairs the conquering hero to all the other guys in the house. Then the guys all work out. Oh what a life it is to be pretty and stupid. While the other guys are working out John is busy hitting on heather the Steeler girl/ playboy model/ sales account manager.
When the guys are out walking the streets, Anelka is busy trying to defend her sluttiness with lines like "Well, I had nowhere to sleep" and "It's not like I like him it was just you know.... someone to smooch" Usman of course likes to be smooched on his taint.
Just when this show couldn't possibly be any more mindlessy, stupidly retardedly and immaturely awesome, that night everyone starts to play "spin the bottle". I am in reality show stupid heaven. And what do you know John gets up and goes to give Heather a big kiss. And OHMIGOD! He totally used tongue! And then when KJ is up and it lands on Lauren, all sorts of tensions arise. KJ ain't gonna go there man. Then back at the house the girls are all wondering aloud about "who's going to sneak into whose bed tonight". Remember these people have known each other for no more than a week. Damn this show is a glory of riches.
The next day everyone goes to the beach for a nice game of volleyball. Lauren is telling Miki that she was like, totally not going to play spin the bottle with KJ so why does he still believe that she likes him? What happens next is a blur of bikinis, sand and balls with a rock and roll soundtrack.
Later John and Heather have a nice little bubble bath together. Once Miki (or Radha) find out about it they do their usual thing and race to tell everyone in the house all about it. Miki and Radha need to get laid. Their like that one girl at the party that comes with her friends and just decides to c-block all her friends attempts at having any fun. I hate those chicks.
After the PG-13 bath is over everyone starts packing. It looks like another weekend on Fire Island has come and gone. Heather and Usman both leave together and on the deck Miki is once again pumping another houseguest for information. Miki admits that she has a crush on KJ, which brings us back to her earlier "I dint think KJ and Mary are right for each other" conversation. It's Anelka, the recently de-d-de-de-de-deflowered conquest of Usman. "Everyone's very friendly. Some more friendly than others" Anelka says. Yeah, we know. FORNICATOR!!Miki then pumps her for info about Usman like Usman, well , pumped her. Would she go out to dinner with him in the city? "A girls gotta eat" she laughs. And screw indiscriminately!
At the Ferry heather and John are in that early barf inducing cutesy flirty phase so their goodbye is especially sickening. So it's good the from there we cut right to Lauren and Zack. Lauren has taken it upon her self to lecture Zack about his upcoming date. "Obviously this week is going to be a little bit weird for both of us because you're going on the second date in your life. Since you've moved to New York City you've never had another girl sleep in your bed. " As annoying as that sentence is you really need to hear her say it. She has this bitchy condescending tone of voice that just captures the meaning perfectly. Then Lauren says that she doesn't think that they should give up on each other just yet. As opposed to last episode where she told him that they aren't in love anymore and its time for them to start seeing other people, and then the night before drunk in the bar would kiss him and say "I wish you knew what I was thinking right now". Speaking as someone who once dated a girl like this I have one piece of advice to give to Zack. Run. Run as fast as you can. Run away and never look back. Shes note ven that hot. She's the size of a hobbit.
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Comments (3)
This show is horrible but I LOL-ed so hard during this heated interation:
Lauren: "Zach, you're so UN-decisive."
Zach: "It's IN-decisive. Learn words."
Loved it.
1 of 3 | Posted by hanan5050
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Posted on August 8, 2006 1:00 PM
"Their like that one girl at the party that comes with her friends and just decides to c-block all her friends attempts at having any fun. I hate those chicks."
We used the term "friendosaurus" to describe that girl in college.
2 of 3 | Posted by RealityMonkey
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Posted on August 8, 2006 2:26 PM
Holy shit, EdHill, I think you've outdone yourself. The Machiavallen comment...the Melrose Place opening...some of your finest work, to be sure.
I think I may have to watch this show. I've been looking for a cheap pick-me-up to make me feel better about myself by looking down at other people.
3 of 3 | Posted by BSL
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Posted on August 10, 2006 8:48 AM