Tired of B-side and all his Hills silliness? No? Yeah, me either. So for those people that can't get enough of contrived, pseudo-Real World-y, romantically-angled reality shows, we have One Ocean View, a reality show starring twentysomethings that all have somewhat impressive jobs, yet still manage to act stupider than Coral and the Miz combined. Sure, it's full of contrived situations and has all the reality of Wrestlemania, but these are the dog days of August. Summer and bad reality TV are as American as apple pie and porn. So sit back and let the soothing sounds of summer take you to a place called Fire Island. A place where if this show is any indication, no gay people ever set foot. A place where up and coming New Yorkers take weekend breaks in a fantastic beach house, stop being polite, and start getting real. Or something like that.
The show starts by introducing us to our erstwhile hosts, the sassy twins with the organic pizza bar in NYC, Miki and Radha. Miki is our stilted narrator. Here's just a taste: "My name's Miki, and no, you're not seeing double. That's my twin sister Radha". That is an exact quote, which pretty much also makes Miki the most awkward narrator EVER. Hell's Kitchen guy can just pack it in.
Miki continues her uncomfortable introductions. Miki has come up with a great idea for the summer. A beach house to share on the weekends away from the city. The whole "and bring a giant film crew from ABC with us to tape our exaggerated reactions to every situation" was more implied. And what better spot to get away for the weekends than Fire Island, a neighborhood that will soon grow to hate these people with a passion just as we start to fall in love with them!
First up Miki tells us about Mary, who designs handbags. Miki thinks she's a "Cool chick, but she's had her heart broken recently." What better way to put your life back together than on ABC Mondays at 10? Then there's K.J.. Miki says he's "intense. But one of the sweetest guys you'll ever meet." I've always wondered what sweetness would be like if it was highly intensified. Now I'll find out! John is funny and a "total catch." And then there's Usman. He's like, totally into himself and stuff. But Miki thinks there's something else deep down beneath the mousse and cologne. Miki describes Lisa as the shy one "but He-lloo! Look at that body!" Yeah well according to the ABC website she's a stripper, oh wait, I mean "exotic dancer" so how shy exactly can she be? All it takes is a few crumpled up dollar bills. The couple to watch however is Zack and Lauren. They were together, but now they say they are just friends. "Yeah right" Miki says. Wow, narrator burn!
Miki and Rhada are the first to arrive at the new swinging singles pad on Fire Island. Then we cut to the waterfront where KJ and Mary have just gotten off the boat and are introducing themselves. When TJ asks where she lives Mary informs her that she's "bicoastal". She like totally lives in New York and LA. This being a reality show it doesn't take long before the awkward questions about each other's love lives comes up. Both KJ and Mary are coming out of long term relationships. As they talk, they both laugh that awkward laugh that means "I want to see you naked." At least that's how I interpret the laugh. The CT state Supreme Court judge told me differently. But what does he know about love, dammit!?
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Comments (10)
Thanks for recapping this EdHill...I forgot to set my TIVO to catch it. The deer on Fire Island have no natural predators (no large animals, no cars and no hunting allowed) so they're completely tame. They will actually follow you looking for food. It's fun and creepy at the same time.
1 of 10 | Posted by suedisco
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Posted on August 1, 2006 1:21 PM
I need to put Mary on my list of things to do.
Me likey
2 of 10 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
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Posted on August 1, 2006 1:52 PM
"It's fun and creepy at the same time."
Just like me!
3 of 10 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on August 1, 2006 2:10 PM
I am beyond thrilled you're recapping this! I already hate them all and can't wait to hate them even more. I almost didn't recognize Eric without his stupid jump rope.
4 of 10 | Posted by beanzie
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Posted on August 1, 2006 4:45 PM
5 of 10 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 2, 2006 6:09 AM
This show was very boring.
I can't stand USman, he thinks he is so good looking and he isn't. Also when he asked that relationship lady about his game on Fire Island she told him to lose the shades. I thought it was funny he didn't.
Lauren and Zach she controls him that's why he doesn't ever like the other girls. He probably texts her while on the date and tells her things and if it sounds like she likes the girl she tells him not to and he does what she says.
I am going to watch this show one more time and if it doesn't get any drama or more exciting I am not watching it again.
Also I thought it was a show about mainly 30 somethings not twenty somethings. But I figured most of the people are about 29-30 and Zach and Lauren are the youngest at 25.
6 of 10 | Posted by PattiJo
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Posted on August 2, 2006 8:42 AM
I saw the second episode (We know people who know people) and trust me, it gets better.
7 of 10 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on August 2, 2006 9:23 AM
Yes this show was filmed from Memorial Day 06 to 4th of July 06...I guess in their haste they skimped on the good reality storyline editing I would expect from something like 8th and Ocean or Laguna. Conjuring drama from various glances!
8 of 10 | Posted by BK_KT
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Posted on August 2, 2006 12:28 PM
What about Useless? Usako?
When KJ described his ideal type of woman, all Mary saw was 'challenge' on his forehead.
Zack really needs to just screw someone in front of Lauren.
9 of 10 | Posted by kelley
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Posted on August 2, 2006 2:17 PM
I'm so glad you're writing on this show. I thought it was good and has excellent potential. I hope Zach grows up and finds a new girl and stops worrying about his ex; should be interesting.
10 of 10 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on August 5, 2006 5:18 PM