When we first see John, he is calling Miki saying that he's lost and doesn't know where to go. I suppose he could've asked the production crew that is five feet away filming him, but I guess that would ruin the illusion of the pseudo reality show premise. Miki gives him directions, but first tells him to go pick up Usman at the pier. Usman is the self-involved pretty boy of the group. He's kind of Like Harold and Kumar meet Zoolander. He is coming to Fire island in a black pinstriped suit. He thinks it makes him look cool; we laugh because it makes him look ridiculous. I mean he's on a boat. On Fire Island. In the summer.
Behold the hairline of Usman!
Back with KJ and Mary, good old KJ is still spilling his guts about his lost love. They were together for years and then on a bit of a break when she went off on vacation. When she came back she was pregnant. The kicker to the whole story is KJ then follows this up with "I'm still friends with her and everything." Oh that's good. I mean lets keep this in perspective. It's not like she did something crazy and came back with a tattoo.
When KJ and Mary finally make their way to the house, the One Ocean View shenanigans start up in earnest. Miki and Radha decide to do the old "identical twin trick" and keep going in and out of the room switching it up and keeping the same conversation going tricking KJ. It's about as dumb, forced and unfunny as it sounds. When they finally do the big reveal KJ can barely muster a smile. And it's that pained smile you get when your boss tells you a really bad knock knock joke. Yeah it's horrible, but you have to respond to it with something.
Next to the house is Zack and Lauren. They used to date but are now "just friends" or they think. It's all so complicated! Lauren tells Zack that she really hopes their house, located at One Ocean View, is on the beach. She also wonders if the orange juice she's drinking is made from oranges. The Lauren experience continues as they all meet out on the deck, she looks up at Miki and Rhada, and exclaims "Are you guys twins?" These are the moments that make reality TV worthwhile.
That night after they all get settled in, Miki and John are asking Zack and Lauren about their whole "together but not together" thing. John says he's never even had another girlfriend. Lauren then pipes in and says that he's tried to meet other girls, but he never likes then because "they're stupid." Cut to Zack on the beach licking sand. Apparently, even though they go out on dates with other people, they spend the whole time text messaging each their during the dates, and then when the dates are over, they end up going over each others apartment and having sex. But they aren't dating. You see, they are both so smart their relationship exists on a mental plane that is beyond our comprehension. If they tried to explain it to us, our heads would actually explode.
Later when they are all having dinner together at a local restaurant, Usman shows off his "vain guy character" by proclaiming to everyone that vanity is a good thing and that "fat Midwestern people have no concept of looking good." Usman, by the way has a receding hairline and bad caps, whereas this woman is from Grand Rapids, Minnesota. You make the call.
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Comments (10)
Thanks for recapping this EdHill...I forgot to set my TIVO to catch it. The deer on Fire Island have no natural predators (no large animals, no cars and no hunting allowed) so they're completely tame. They will actually follow you looking for food. It's fun and creepy at the same time.
1 of 10 | Posted by suedisco
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Posted on August 1, 2006 1:21 PM
I need to put Mary on my list of things to do.
Me likey
2 of 10 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
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Posted on August 1, 2006 1:52 PM
"It's fun and creepy at the same time."
Just like me!
3 of 10 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on August 1, 2006 2:10 PM
I am beyond thrilled you're recapping this! I already hate them all and can't wait to hate them even more. I almost didn't recognize Eric without his stupid jump rope.
4 of 10 | Posted by beanzie
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Posted on August 1, 2006 4:45 PM
5 of 10 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 2, 2006 6:09 AM
This show was very boring.
I can't stand USman, he thinks he is so good looking and he isn't. Also when he asked that relationship lady about his game on Fire Island she told him to lose the shades. I thought it was funny he didn't.
Lauren and Zach she controls him that's why he doesn't ever like the other girls. He probably texts her while on the date and tells her things and if it sounds like she likes the girl she tells him not to and he does what she says.
I am going to watch this show one more time and if it doesn't get any drama or more exciting I am not watching it again.
Also I thought it was a show about mainly 30 somethings not twenty somethings. But I figured most of the people are about 29-30 and Zach and Lauren are the youngest at 25.
6 of 10 | Posted by PattiJo
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Posted on August 2, 2006 8:42 AM
I saw the second episode (We know people who know people) and trust me, it gets better.
7 of 10 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on August 2, 2006 9:23 AM
Yes this show was filmed from Memorial Day 06 to 4th of July 06...I guess in their haste they skimped on the good reality storyline editing I would expect from something like 8th and Ocean or Laguna. Conjuring drama from various glances!
8 of 10 | Posted by BK_KT
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Posted on August 2, 2006 12:28 PM
What about Useless? Usako?
When KJ described his ideal type of woman, all Mary saw was 'challenge' on his forehead.
Zack really needs to just screw someone in front of Lauren.
9 of 10 | Posted by kelley
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Posted on August 2, 2006 2:17 PM
I'm so glad you're writing on this show. I thought it was good and has excellent potential. I hope Zach grows up and finds a new girl and stops worrying about his ex; should be interesting.
10 of 10 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on August 5, 2006 5:18 PM