When Usman is done with his little tirade, Mary and KJ both laugh at his face (ooh, a bonding moment. I see sparks flying already!) which Usman tells him is like, totally rude. Don't make Usman frown people, he doesn't look nearly as beautiful. But Usman isn't all beauty. He's all charm too. 
Later when he goes over t hit on some girls in the bar he first asks them what school they go to. A startlingly original line of attack I must say. When the girls tell him Boston College he responds with "BC, that's a good party school. So you guys are continuing to party here in Fire island huh?" Wow, even I'm getting a little moist in the seat listening to him. That's almost as smooth and debonair as saying "Can I see your tits?" (which by the way, isn't as effective as you might think). When Usman gets back to the house he calls the girls that he met at the bar (that's right, he got the digits, but remember, he had a TV crew with him). When he talks to one of them he asks them, nay, commands them, to come over and join him in the hot tub. He gets a fairly non committal response. Don't worry Usman, it's only the first night. And another thing, it's tough to come up with a crazy nickname for a guy whose name ends in "man". I mean you can't call him the "Usman-man", and Usinator just sounds like a urinary tract infection. Take it from Eddie Spaghetti, finding good nicknames is tough.
In the hot tub Usman regales KJ about how he can single-handedly bring all sorts of European models up to the house. He knows these models because "I'm rich, and I'm handsome." You know, I know Usman is supposed to be the "shallow pretty boy" character we're supposed to love to hate on this show, but he's so over the top with this stuff it just makes me look at him with more of a bemused detachment than anything else. Mary however is having the opposite reaction. She can't stand him and is bitching to the other girls she can't take much more of him. So much so that we almost get our first fight of the show. Unfortunately it just creates a slightly tense exchange of words, instead of a big fight. Where's Johnny Fairplay when you need him? This house needs to get "Fairplayed" stat!
The next morning we are greeted to a nice montage of the beach, the surfboarders in the waves, and then deer on the beach, and then sand dunes. Wait? Deer on the beach? Huh? That's a new one on me. But that's not the only beautiful creature on the beach. Usman got loaded and decided to fall asleep in the cabana outside. His beautiful hair is all a mess. But that's OK because today everyone is going out for massages! Hooray for happy endings!
My beach won't even allow coolers
When they get there, the One Crazy Summer/Better Off Dead style hijinks continue as John shows us why he is the "funny one" by sneaking up on the masseuse giving one of the twins a massage and takes over. Ohmigod she doesn't even know that it's John massaging her now! John then quietly and silently snaps her neck like a twig. Yeah OK, that didn't happen, it was more of a crazy "I'm massaging your nose until you open your eyes and we all have a hearty laugh" type moment, but a guy can dream can't he?
Usman meanwhile is dealing with a crisis in the other room. He left his products in Manhattan, and he is near tears. He then tells the masseuse lady the intricate details of his hair management. It involves all sorts of clays and space age polymers. I think he has tiny little doozers living deep inside his hairline working around the clock to keep things looking thick and lustrous.
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Comments (10)
Thanks for recapping this EdHill...I forgot to set my TIVO to catch it. The deer on Fire Island have no natural predators (no large animals, no cars and no hunting allowed) so they're completely tame. They will actually follow you looking for food. It's fun and creepy at the same time.
1 of 10 | Posted by suedisco
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Posted on August 1, 2006 1:21 PM
I need to put Mary on my list of things to do.
Me likey
2 of 10 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
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Posted on August 1, 2006 1:52 PM
"It's fun and creepy at the same time."
Just like me!
3 of 10 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on August 1, 2006 2:10 PM
I am beyond thrilled you're recapping this! I already hate them all and can't wait to hate them even more. I almost didn't recognize Eric without his stupid jump rope.
4 of 10 | Posted by beanzie
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Posted on August 1, 2006 4:45 PM
5 of 10 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 2, 2006 6:09 AM
This show was very boring.
I can't stand USman, he thinks he is so good looking and he isn't. Also when he asked that relationship lady about his game on Fire Island she told him to lose the shades. I thought it was funny he didn't.
Lauren and Zach she controls him that's why he doesn't ever like the other girls. He probably texts her while on the date and tells her things and if it sounds like she likes the girl she tells him not to and he does what she says.
I am going to watch this show one more time and if it doesn't get any drama or more exciting I am not watching it again.
Also I thought it was a show about mainly 30 somethings not twenty somethings. But I figured most of the people are about 29-30 and Zach and Lauren are the youngest at 25.
6 of 10 | Posted by PattiJo
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Posted on August 2, 2006 8:42 AM
I saw the second episode (We know people who know people) and trust me, it gets better.
7 of 10 | Posted by EdHill
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Posted on August 2, 2006 9:23 AM
Yes this show was filmed from Memorial Day 06 to 4th of July 06...I guess in their haste they skimped on the good reality storyline editing I would expect from something like 8th and Ocean or Laguna. Conjuring drama from various glances!
8 of 10 | Posted by BK_KT
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Posted on August 2, 2006 12:28 PM
What about Useless? Usako?
When KJ described his ideal type of woman, all Mary saw was 'challenge' on his forehead.
Zack really needs to just screw someone in front of Lauren.
9 of 10 | Posted by kelley
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Posted on August 2, 2006 2:17 PM
I'm so glad you're writing on this show. I thought it was good and has excellent potential. I hope Zach grows up and finds a new girl and stops worrying about his ex; should be interesting.
10 of 10 | Posted by couchpotato
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Posted on August 5, 2006 5:18 PM