There are many things that Pam Anderson has done in her career to prove she's got talent, and she's shown off those talents plenty. For instance, consider V.I.P. She showed she wasn't just some bimbo who wore a swimsuit. She showed that she could pull off the hard-hitting world of, um, bodyguarding aided by a couple sexy assistants (and a dude). There was also a sex tape and a lot of Playboy issues. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Pam at least used to be hot and relevant, and isn't so much any more, so I guess she's trying to regain that relevance or something. But on her own terms?
What are those rectangle things and why are they in my goddamn shot?
You know, I really have no idea what this show is all about, aside from Pam. But if it's avoiding the plot-laced contrived shit that Keeping Up with the Kardashians was all about, then I just might not hate it. And, thankfully, in the opening sequence Ms. Anderson-Lee-Lee-Rock-Lee (is there a Sambora in there?) explains that it's NOT a reality show, but is, in fact, a documentary. There will be no kids, but there could (will) be some tits and ass.
We open with Pam bragging about how she does her own hair, as she's coloring it, and she tells us the story of why she does it. Doesn't that sound interesting? Yeah, her anecdote isn't really either. And from there we head to a red carpet for the premiere of Superhero Movie. The extent of that adventure is her standing around getting her picture taken. Ok, we're about two minutes in, and I'm not sure how interesting this show will be. But, it does appear that they're sticking true to the documentary form. Let's see: no kids (even though she talks about them a lot), blurred body parts...where is the entertainment?
You do that all by yourself?
Ok, so next up we meet Pam's brother Jerry. He just popped in to get some stuff signed for charity work that he's doing. He looks, well, I guess kind of like Kid Rock if he were a surfer instead of just white trash. He also happens to be a writer, and he has tons of scripts lying around. Um, sorry dude, but I would say the reason your shit isn't getting made is because it sucks. Pam volunteers to produce some of them, but I don't think either of them are actually too serious about it. And with that, Jerry heads off into the sunset.
Pam has an assload of memorabilia, and just stuff that apparently is too important to get rid of. Or, make that, was too important, because she's taking stock for some sort of yard sale. She also has a collection of 20 mattresses that she's sullied with her uncleanliness. Meaning sex. I'm sure the market value for those is pretty high. And I'm not really joking.
Up next in the tour of Pam is her mom. There is the random conversation and inside jokes that you don't get in normal non-documentary bullshit, but then probably the first interesting thing in the show thus far happens: Pam says she's going to have to go live with Tommy for a few weeks. And mom's demeanor changes drastically from fun and light-hearted to quiet and concerned. She knows what Tommy's got down there. Seriously, you would go live with someone you've married like 8 times why?
Continuing the parade of cast players for this 8 episode (at least that's what they said) journey is Jon, Pam's assistant, who also used to work for Motley Crue. Pam describes him like a husband without any of the good stuff. Following that, we meet Gloria who is organizing Pam's estate sale. But she can't get Jon's door open! The hilarity! He's stuck in a meeting with Pam, which obviously sounds real official.
Ok, seriously, this is just a parade of characters now. Up next is Errol, and he's a driver I guess. He's waiting for Pam at a David LaChapelle photoshoot before an impromptu trip to Vegas. Pam describes David LaChapelle was one of her soulmates and says they'll end up in Hawaii together. Free spirit or not, I loathe people who talk about multiple soulmates. David is on some sort of time-crunch and is flipping out about Pam getting her makeup done in time to get the shoot completed. Talk about a cliffhanger! I can hardly breathe!
This is actually very hard work, k?
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Comments (5)
My then wife and I had horse property near Malibu. A high fashion photographer friend would sometimes use one of our horses in a shoot. Not long after my wife and I split up, she delighted in telling me - after the fact - about Pam doing a nude shoot on our white horse. (Life is so cruel.)
You are right, too. The real lives of celebreties are often boring (and over scheduled). I don't envy them.
1 of 5 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 6, 2008 7:47 AM
Tom, you know I love you and your recaps - but this one was just a bit thin. I'm sure a lot had to do with the show not having any actual content to talk about.
Hopefully next week they'll give you more to work with.
Great to see you writing again! :)
2 of 5 | Posted by TinkerbellAPixie | Posted on August 6, 2008 9:52 AM
What this recap needs is a little silicon here, a bit of botox there, a dab of collagen...
3 of 5 | Posted by itchy | Posted on August 6, 2008 12:54 PM
This show really didn't give much too talk about. Usually when a celebrity doesn't take themselves seriously and can easily make fun of themselves (like Pam) it's hard to laugh at them. It's hard cause they're right there laughing along with you and then, its like, what's the point.
The show is slow and boring. I like Pam but she probably just needs a juicy cameo in a good big budget movie that no one would expect. Remember when Drew Barrymore got murdered in the beginning of Scream? Kind of like that?
4 of 5 | Posted by uglycutie | Posted on August 6, 2008 2:11 PM
I loved the perplexed anger at the books in the opening picture, THAT was funny! Shows like this are hard to deal with sometimes, but I think you did as good a job as you could based on what poor Pammy McBoobilicious gave you to work with... it's hard to make a Golce & Dabbana knockoff purse out of a dried elephant turd (or deflated chest implant) sometimes. Keep your head up, and if all else fails, just make shit up about Pam blowing the entire camera crew while saying "Tommy, I love you!"...
love, J-Mo :)
5 of 5 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 6, 2008 2:51 PM