Hey everybody! So how about that Michael Phelps character? It's pretty impressive what he did, right? You know what else is impressive? The entire length of his races were interesting, even exciting. I'm pretty sure that nothing in the entire length of Pam: Girl on the Loose is going to be remotely as interesting as that. In fact, you could jam the whole thing into 4 minutes and still not have anything remotely interesting. You know, I'm terrible at promoting this show.
Who needs PR?
This week we start off with Pam reading what looks to be producer's notes or something, and what they want her to talk about. How incredibly meta. It's, like, totally a real documentary. At times I feel like Pam is just trying way too hard to be interesting, and, really, she's just like you or me. Well, actually, my life is probably more interesting than hers. Like, will I get evicted this week? Stay tuned to find out!
Remember when everyone was calling Pam a genius in the first two episodes? Well, she puts that logic to good use. She says it's good she got [whoever she got] to build her house and it's costing a fortune so anyone else would have ripped her off more. Of course, that's assuming whoever is building her house is competent, and that's probably not the case if she hired him and he's also calling her a genius. Anyways, there are complications involving the pool Pam wants at her new house, and they're constantly digging and shit. Her main concern? What if a bird falls in and dies or something? Wouldn't that be miserable?! Maybe rather than build yourself a pool with your millions of dollars while also living next to the beach, build a bird sanctuary. Or a bird house. Or stop bitching about birds. Yeah, that.
Well, I guess I'm not going to get my wish because up next is some sort of background about how much Pam loves animals. Hey! Did you know Pam loves animals? She tries to divert the attention away from herself and towards animal rights, and I get that, and it's admirable or whatever, but we're about 5 minutes in and I'm sick of having that shoved in my face non-stop. We also meet some dude from PETA called Dan Matthews, and he and Pam get together for a powwow about animal rights or something. Pam is confused about why Americans still test on animals, and Dan has his own theories. My theory is that Dan is insane. But you may disagree with me, and nobody really cares what I think anyways.
Following the little rant, some really bizarre shit happens. First Dan and Pam discuss going to D.C. and throwing red paint on people or something, and Pam says she wouldn't be able to recognize anyone, possibly W. Now I get that she's being facetious, but if she was really all about taking action, maybe she could have used some of her fame to lobby or something. Maybe? Nah, demonstrating, posing naked and being a general nuisance is much more effective. Then the two of them have sword fights with ears of corn (I believe), then they sit on a dumpster in the middle of nowhere for a while. At least one of these two has a learning disability, I'm sure of it.
Enough with the Vaseline on the lens. This show is making me feel like I have cataracts.
Pam and Dan show up to the Department of Health and Human Services and apparently the publicity machine was working because some guy from Fox News was there, and he interviewed her outside. The Secretary constantly ignores requests to meet with PETA (who wouldn't?) but today he's allowed his assistant to meet with Pam and Dan. Unfortunately we're not privy to how the meeting went, since the cameras weren't allowed in the government building. I'll assume it was a bunch of people sitting around in monocles laughing at these two PETA people though.
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Comments (4)
Okay - you are right - you don't do a very god job of promoting this show. (Although, I am convinced that it is as bad as you say it is).
From a long range career point of view, on the one (left) hand, consider that you are (for free, no less) making fun of some pretty powerful people in "the bizz". On the other (right) hand (foot), you take cheap shots at the President (and therefor offend a great many people who are NOT in "the bizz").
I think having to watch this show may be (understandably) effecting your judgement.
No good deed goes unpunished.
(Thanks!)
1 of 4 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on August 19, 2008 7:47 AM
Hey Treadingonme,
Honeychile, it is HARD as HELL to mind comedy gold from cold boogers on a paper plate! I think you're doing the best you can with this sow's ear of a show (mixed craniofacial orifice metaphors are my specialty).
If anything, it is totally comforting to great big fat little nobodies like me to know that "celebrities" like Pam Anderson lead completely BORING lives (I see more fascinating things happen in a half-hour at the sleazy tranny dive bar I sometimes perform at, and some of the 'ladies' there look more like Pam than Pam does!) I say keep on keepin' on!
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. I agree with you, are they shooting this show through a constant filter? Like a mattress???
P.P.S. Current statistics show that 2 out of 3 people agree with you. *huggles*
2 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 19, 2008 8:13 AM
Ummmm, I meant to say "mine" comedy gold... sorry bout that, I blame Pam's voluminous breasts, they are affecting my judgment! *kissies*
love, J-Mo :)
3 of 4 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on August 19, 2008 8:16 AM
Forget Pam Anderson, did you get evicted!??!
Great recap (of a show I didn't see) but love your work! :)
4 of 4 | Posted by chelle | Posted on August 19, 2008 7:03 PM