I can't believe Nick married Mariah.

I know you've been agonizing over why Grimace is back in your life and I just want to assure you that you did nothing to deserve this. We've all been good souls, dedicated and watching dutifully, so what did we do to merit this face again? I for one have been bringing my spiritual A-game to the world and feel wrongfully smote by God. But our time in Paradise Hotel is almost over and in spite of all, I will really miss you all. I'm a masochist like that.

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Anybody out there?

Is there an echo in here? Am I the only one still watching this thing? Okay. So things at Paradise Hotel haven't been the same without the excitement of body shots, government metaphors, and awesome underdogs like Charla and the Barbies ruled the roost, but we're sticking this thing through till the finish, right? So today I present a special image-driven recap, partly because I myself am over it, but mostly because it just amused me. Welcome to Internet Sensation Paradise. Don't let your children read this.

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Keep looking.

Have you ever wanted to watch a show where nothing actually happened? I know, I know. You're saying that you already watch The Hills. But those people are on quaaludes compared to our Paradise Hotel guests. It's so much more fun to watch nothing happen with aggressive, drunk people! At this stage of the game everyone is sunburnt and bitching, and now Raheim's back, so you know there's a lot of accusing, yelling, pontificating and absolutely no action. Luckily Lady Sensation is all about the action and is not a carrier of any STDs. So you best just get down with me.

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None of these individuals took Vegas for millions counting cards in Blackjack or anything else.

Hey-o! Can you believe it? A Paradise Hotel recap done this early in the week? Only the promise of long overdue drinks tomorrow with the 'Gasm writers would get me on top of my game, so I could get out in the world guilt-free tomorrow night. So it's a win-win for both of us. Stakes were high and we both beat the odds. Seriously even I didn't know i had it in me. Read on to find out who the losers were this week. Not all of us got so lucky this time around.

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I just really missed Amanda.

The moment we've all been waiting for...Who's come back to haunt the guests of Paradise Hotel like a drunk, slutty ghost? Will it be a season one guest like Man Boobs Dave, (which would be awesome)? Or are we going to be subjected to Raheim and his tedious civics analogies? I've predicted season one all along, and the above pic is a bit of a spoiler, but read on to find out!

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From here to next episode.

Living at Paradise Hotel is not easy. It's a hotbed of liars, gossipers, unsavory sluts, public nudity and Myrna. Who invited her to this party? Seriously. At least Raheim didn't purse his lips in a passive-aggressive grimace every time he was not pleased. The natives are getting restless and this week we learn that there is indeed a heart of darkness amongst the noble savages. And thy name is MYRNA.

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I'm not crying. I just got love dust in my eyes.

Hi, everyone! Welcome to this week's Paradise Hotel. I think everyone is relieved "The Secretary of Defense" was finally removed from his position. But now control of Paradise is up for grabs. Which party will be elected as the leaders? It's election time, gang! Who needs Hillary and Barack when you have Hobag and Biscuit? Paradise is truly a microcosm of our own world.

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I mean "Government".

Hi, everyone! Did you know that Lady Sensation lives in a time warp? And in this time warp this recap is not only on time, but early! Yes, it's great to be delusional. I could be one of our Paradise Hotel contestants. Anyway, enough about me. Let's slather on that SPF and kick it in our favorite banana republic!

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Even the frog figurine gets more action than Raheim.

Let's toast to a successful roommate selection! And we have the ruling body to thank for that. The government is in working order. Didn't y'all know? Paradise has elected officials and has recently passed a referendum outlawing common sense and decency. Get your visas, gang. Let's head on down!

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I want you. To not be late again, Lady Sensation.

Lady Sensation had a crazy week, gang. It's an excuse, but no justification for abandoning you all. I do believe that above all reality television comes first, but unfortunately that's not what my landlords say, so late it is! So, when I did have some downtime I revisited the archives and noticed that ol' Hobag makes first photo every time. Unwittingly I've showcased her "assets" on each and every recap. And I thought long and hard (i.e. thirty seconds) about that and decided that, while I've really come around to Hobag, it's time to give some of our other friends a little time in the limelight.

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