Nate is the guest who spends most of his time alone, which disturbs everyone else, because introspection is as foreign to these people as the word itself. Now I get that when you sign on for PH you are probably a partying idiot, but to not be a partying idiot really blows people a way. They call him secretive and declare that no one knows his motives. Nate says he just wants to go off and think, while they play off each other's egos. Which is a nice way of saying "I think, while they are busy not thinking."
The only way to drink in paradise without participating in a pointless toast or being forced to do a body shot off Tania's body.
During lunch that day, Amanda waltzes in, looking like as lovely as a fresh daisy, and she's there to...introduce the new arrival! And here we get Johnny from New York, who at first glance is dead-ringer for my possibly favorite guest ever, Zach, but unfortunately, I won't be able to call him Zach 2.0. Where Zach was all AZ "badassery" and pointless hostility, Johnny is a simple New York Italian with enough good cheer to fill a thousand cannolis. Tania so wants to be his Guid-ette. And maybe Mike is technically Italian, but he looks downright Native American next to this real deal.
Amanda announces that Mike will have the pleasure of going on speed dates with the women and sends him off to the single room to primp. So as soon as he's out of earshot, the smack talking begins. Raheim is convinced he's going to be über cocky, but the girls all think he fine. Orbi, proving his knack for nuance yet again, says it's gonna go one of two ways: "He's either going to be really cool or a total douche." James calls Johnny "Meathead New Yorker." James, being an urbane sophisticate, is allowed to make these sort of calls.
The Anti-Meathead.
Back in the single room Johnny reads a note left to him by Chelsea. That's right. Chelsea is not going down without a fight. She warns him that these guys talk a huge game. Huge ridges, the works. She says that James and Orbi tried to have sex with her and when she refused they stabbed her in the back. So, basically the whole point of her letter was to tell Johnny he better put out. She also informs him that "the hottest girl isn't here anymore". I agree with her, but it seemed a bit excessive to leave her headshot attached.
And now! Speed dating! But, alas, it's pretty lame. Johnny and Tania talk about tattoos and being Italian. A romance is born. Krista brings the comedy when she says she's the life of the party. Irony not present. My girl Charté brings the heat by telling him that he better straight up be nervous. Why? Because she's intense and she's a model. (A model that hasn't been to New York, but as someone from Atlanta, I am sure she banks there and is in every campaign. Seriously, I bet she runs that town. I haven't been there in a while, but I bet when I go back, I will see parades and confetti being thrown off the rooftops in Charté's honor. I love this girl.) Lauren goes into her speed date laughing and I think it's a tri-state area thing.
Jersey mocks you, too.
They talk age and football. She doesn't think they'll get along, though, because of their teams. But she won't tell him who hers is. Jersey never tells. Tidisha is last and they talk about rooming with Raheim which seems like an ass-boring thing to talk about. But, now that I think about it, so do tattoos and everything else listed above.
Now everyone bonds together and toasts and then Johnny announces that he picks Tania for his date. Scorpio mike is so pissed. He definitely should have asked for a name tag. Tania looks stoked, but hobags always look stoked when dick fresco comes along.
Brood, bitch, BROOD!! (Never gets old.)
So everybody is still just hanging around talking and Johnny tells the girls about Chelsea's letter and they're all concerned what was said about them. Way to work them up over nothing. He failed to mention that it was basically a caveat that no one wants a cuddler in Paradise.
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Comments (3)
oh my god, i can't believe a show like this even exists. i think my innocence was compromised, and ive killed a hooker once. oy!
1 of 3 | Posted by hugostop | Posted on February 22, 2008 4:46 PM
I thought the call Mike was issuing after humping Tania was to let Raheim and Orbi know it was their turn to come and get some? Why didn't you comment on that?
2 of 3 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on February 23, 2008 1:19 PM
great recap. and ahhh i watched forever eden! so sad to admit it. brainstorm! we get the forever eden kids (who are probably survivor skinny and all have jack sheppard flash forward lost beards) to boat on down to the infinity pool in paradise and we infuse some real drama into this! what's better than 8 people who have been trapped on a non-existent reality show for 4 years?!
and yes, i'd like to propose a toast to that notion.
3 of 3 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on February 24, 2008 12:24 PM