Time for the Guido/Guidette date. Right from the start he says he picked the best person..."ever". Well, don't kiss her ass too much. And to prove she's the best person ever, she follows that statement with a list of who else she'd make out with. And it's everybody but Raheim and Nate. The best people ever make out with everybody. For some reason, she also calls Virgin Krista, "Biscuit" and I don't get it and yet...it works.
Buttery.
Johnny astutely observes that he's walking in on a well-built house of cards. Which is odd to me, because I thought every metaphor involving a house of cards intimated something wasn't well built at all. But, I get it, Johnny. The best built card houses rest on the foundation of random hookups.
Back at the HOtel, the girls discuss what's going to happen to their well-built HOC now that J-dogg has arrived. (For the record, Charté immediately does not like him.) Like, Mike is toally peeing in his pants right now. Oh, girls. Haven't you learned anything about Paradise HOtel? Mike is most likely going to be fine. Pardise hotel is FULL of surprises. Biscuit said she'd save James, because James saved her, but that story doesn't check out because NO ONE ELSE but her picked James last week. Besides, James and Mike are across the talking about his next move to "TD". "TD" is later confirmed to be Tidisha, but since when did we start calling her this, I demand to know. And "TD" is so gross sounding, too. It's two-thirds of STD and one-third and a rhyme of VD. Not a good one, boys. I'm going to use it from here on out. James does say that wouldn't throw Krista under the bus, though. He'd toss her back to Mike. Dude, what happened to BFF Raheim? And those t-shirts you made????
And now we get the most magical date between Johnny and Tania. We enter in on the convo as they discuss the "deeper meaning" of her tattoos. Such as "Dia de los muertos". Yeah, having a tribute to the Mexican holiday "Day of the Dead" painted on you is definitely a heady tattoo, same with "My heart is bound and on fire". Bound to...your loins? (Oh, I'm good, people. I'll be here all week.) She also has one about wearing "her heart on her shoulders". WTF is up with this crowd and mangled clichés and metaphors? (Ha. I originally typed metaphos. That's exactly what they use.) Tania then gives us a heart-on-her-shoulder confessional and she is just loving Johnny. He's a poet, a writer, AND has an "in-depth" personality. A description I thought was reserved only for interviews and discussions. Simple me.
It's like a long, unbroken chain of bad judgment.
She then delivers the quote that I've been looking forward to getting since we started this season. "You can't trust anyone as much as you trust yourself." She even points to herself to make it clear who "yourself" is. And then my heart bursts with love for these people.
After the date, Raheim-Conrad, while he has his share of annoying qualities, gets a big thumbs up from me when he derides Johnny for being the biggest, lamest storyteller and will not shut up. This guy is like a nattering ol' peepaw at twenty-six. He's talking about Tania's martini glass tattoo (a meaning too deep to share on national television) and making chalk outlines of each other's bodies. Um, he sounds like one of the kids I nanny. And they're, like, five and seven.
He does have something good to announce, though. This evening's theme party! It's "Adam and Eve". Didn't they already have this theme before or am I just being reminded of the Paradise HOtel rip-off show that came about shortly after called "Forever Eden"? God, I watched that one, too. Does anyone else remember that? The one where contestants "stayed forever". Even though the show ran for all of three weeks, they showed them burning their passports when they arrived, so they have to still be there. Can we get a crew down there?
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Comments (3)
oh my god, i can't believe a show like this even exists. i think my innocence was compromised, and ive killed a hooker once. oy!
1 of 3 | Posted by hugostop | Posted on February 22, 2008 4:46 PM
I thought the call Mike was issuing after humping Tania was to let Raheim and Orbi know it was their turn to come and get some? Why didn't you comment on that?
2 of 3 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on February 23, 2008 1:19 PM
great recap. and ahhh i watched forever eden! so sad to admit it. brainstorm! we get the forever eden kids (who are probably survivor skinny and all have jack sheppard flash forward lost beards) to boat on down to the infinity pool in paradise and we infuse some real drama into this! what's better than 8 people who have been trapped on a non-existent reality show for 4 years?!
and yes, i'd like to propose a toast to that notion.
3 of 3 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on February 24, 2008 12:24 PM