So, everyone forgets how much they are annoyed by him at the mention of a party. Our gang gets decked out in underwear and fig leaves and proceed to get freaknasty. The girls finally grill Tania about her date, and we get to hear her talk about how she has more in common with this man-child than anyone else. Also, this one is new: She likes big guys. And we're not talking about size like that. She just likes 'em brawny. Mike isn't big enough, she says. Just cause he's "four inches taller" doesn't mean she still doesn't think she's not going to break him when she's "riding him". Easy hobag. He's not a mechanical bull.
This just in: Biscuit is, in fact, Life of Party. Orbi pukes in glass, continues partying.
And now we learn that James likes him the sisters, because now he's talking about how gorgeous Charté is. (Agreed.) And now Orbi is also calling Charté the sexiest girl he's ever seen. Had no one met her before tonight? I knew she was a fox from screengrab one. (Observant readers will remember she was the only intro picture out of the whole cast that had an attractive screengrab. I literally could not find a pause that made her look bad/dumb. Not that I would have anyway.) Orbi says he just gets nervous around her. Charté calls strategy because she doesn't believe she makes him shy, since he hits on all the girls. And I call not strategy, because this guy is an idiot.
Now we are treated to Ryan Orbi doing a body shot off Tania and then engaging in a heated make out with her. I won't subject thine poor eyes to a visual, mainly because you would promptly have to shower and I selfishly want you to just keep reading this. Afterwards Scorpio Mike attempts to be one of the cool kids by initiating a toast to "sharing is caring". God, these people are all carriers.
And now in continuing with our WTF Hookups Section, Raheim suddenly wants a taste of Jersey. Yes, he's beyond into Lauren. He likes that she's straight up and easy to talk to. He can't even stay another day in Paradise because it's too much to be close to her. Even I think he's coming on a little strong and my ass speaks in hyperbole. So now the girls take a break, exhausted from dancing doggy style for hours at a time, to take a moment to hate on Johnny. What? I don't see what they're talking about. I love when a meathead Italian comes at me thrusting his pelvis in his Joe Boxers and a fig leaf. Trés hot.
I hear he's available, ladies.
He's rubbing Biscuit the wrong way, "TD" and Charté thinks he's too much, and Lauren says that she would like to "choke Johnny Bravo". Ha! Jersey would totally whack Johnny Bravo! I am starting to like Lauren. And, by the way, WTF is up with the Paradise Hotel guests coming up with all these new nicknames. Don't they know that I make the nicknames around here?? Either way, I like Johnny Bravo. I'll keep using Biscuit and "TD" because they amuse me, even if they are not that impressive.
So now we're back to discussing Chelsea's mysterious letter written after she faded to black and white, and Johnny Bravo is sick of everyone speculating. (He does not in fact utilize the word "speculating".) He tells them that he does not want anyone--ANYONE!--to "challenge his devotion." I mean, who doesn't feel incredible devotion to a group of drunk idiots in fig leaves. That shit's 4 LIFE!!! In fact he offers to let everyone read the damn letter to put their minds at peace that he's not hiding anything. And why not? There really was nothing of interest in that letter. I, along with Jersey, laugh at Chelsea's attempt to leave a trail of drama in her wake. And then he makes a toast. These individuals could seriously toast to anything. I fit a regular condom into a magnum! Raise your glasses, bitches!
So after we get a little bit drunker, James tells Raheim to stop being an asshole to Johnny Bravo and Raheim has no idea what he's talking about. He's just keeping it real. Raheim even says could have fun with a bunch of midgets. In fact he would like to dance like a gigolo with them around a pool. Tania is defending him though, and also beginning to slur her words. She calls him deep yet again and I think I've never heard the word so misused in one stretch. Maybe they think it means "severely drunk".
Raheim's idea of a good time.
« Celebrity Rehab: I Really Don't Like These People | Main | American Idol: Results: Out Like A Fat Kid in Dodgeball »
Comments (3)
oh my god, i can't believe a show like this even exists. i think my innocence was compromised, and ive killed a hooker once. oy!
1 of 3 | Posted by hugostop | Posted on February 22, 2008 4:46 PM
I thought the call Mike was issuing after humping Tania was to let Raheim and Orbi know it was their turn to come and get some? Why didn't you comment on that?
2 of 3 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on February 23, 2008 1:19 PM
great recap. and ahhh i watched forever eden! so sad to admit it. brainstorm! we get the forever eden kids (who are probably survivor skinny and all have jack sheppard flash forward lost beards) to boat on down to the infinity pool in paradise and we infuse some real drama into this! what's better than 8 people who have been trapped on a non-existent reality show for 4 years?!
and yes, i'd like to propose a toast to that notion.
3 of 3 | Posted by baymenxpac | Posted on February 24, 2008 12:24 PM