So, the sun is out, the birds are chirping and asshat Johnny Bravo wants today to be "Spring Break Day" by the pool! Because Paradise Hotel is nothing like spring break. He has an awesome idea to get contests going between the girls. Let me guess. Like a wet t-shirt contest? Groundbreaking. Someone get this visionary on the theme parties.

But the guys shoot him down and not because the idea is straight from the department of the redundancy department, but because "you can't get those girls to do anything"! It's okay to laugh out loud at that one. That's right, the guys apparently are hitting that Rosetta Stone everyday, but the girls "don't do anything productive".

Note to Scorpio: Spending two hours on your faux hawk does not constitute productivity.

In fact, according to the unfortunately coifed individual above, the only thing they care to do is "rip each others' eyes out". And to think, I thought these men did not have a nuanced understanding of the female. Scorp attributes this lazy-except-for-when-it-comes-to-eye-gouging predicament to one Biggie Doll. He dramatically tells us that you insert "one blonde bombshell--ONE!-- and all hell breaks loose". I would say the same thing to him for one nametag--ONE!, but he'd probably cry. And then kill me.

There is no denying however that there is some tension at the girls' table. In fact, no one is talking. But most likely they're all hungover.

Maybe we could talk about how awesome my SPF is.

Turns out everyone is thinking for a change. Nobody knows who Biggie is gunning for for elimination and everyone is stressed out about it. Jersey has been the most distant and "shady" (probably with all her laughter) so Biggie definitely has her in mind. And Jersey really didn't say two words at breakfast. She tells James how it isn't paradise anymore. It's "hell on earth". Hey, I've got a great theme party for these folks. How about Pity Party?

We get a little snippet of Scorps nauseatingly hitting on Biggie in front Hobag in the pool that day and Hobag is visibly upset.

Nobody get the 'do wet or I'll seriously go off.

But we really don't have time to follow that little triangle because today is actually Hate on Charté day, and this girl is indeed becoming more hateful by the minute. Charté tells us that she doesn't have friends here, she's got "associates". Who would that be? TD Esquire? RC says she's the biggest instigator of all the drama James thinks she's a bad apple. People are starting to want her gone. The sexy messenger comes in at lunch and announces that tonight is Pandora's box and all the guests are a-twitter now because it's downright loco when you ask someone something to their face in paradise.