I can't believe Nick married Mariah.
I know you've been agonizing over why Grimace is back in your life and I just want to assure you that you did nothing to deserve this. We've all been good souls, dedicated and watching dutifully, so what did we do to merit this face again? I for one have been bringing my spiritual A-game to the world and feel wrongfully smote by God. But our time in Paradise Hotel is almost over and in spite of all, I will really miss you all. I'm a masochist like that.
The remaining six hotel guests are all dining together this morning and amusing themselves by putting napkins on their heads. You would think they would be going insane with only cloth squares to play with, but no! They are happy with their Final Six! Everyone is getting along and loves the toys Amanda leaves out for them.
Peek-a-boo! OMG, I could play this all day.
Sexy messenger comes along though to bust that good napkin fun up. And SM's headbands are back so Bisky must have washed 'em real good. The message says that they are ONE STEP CLOSER to the Ultimate Prize. A prize which will no doubt be so underwhelming, we will pee our pants laughing at how worked up they've gotten over it.
But now in order to get another step closer, they'll have to vote for one person to have the power to eliminate another couple. You can't vote for yourself or your roommate. No one is happy about this. "Absolutely insane" is Biggie's take. That's what I said about that Austrian father who locked his daughter in a dungeon, but maybe there's another use of the expression. Because in this case I would have said something like, "Completely predictable."
Anyhoo, this just puts our gang in a pickle. You could wind up voting for the person who'll send you home. DOH! Ryan insists that he's just going to continue not playing the game and TD and Biggie want to relax by putting on masks and getting in the bathtub.
Hey, turn around. Who's got the napkin on her head now, girl?
Zach asks Orbi if he wants to go in the pool because he needs something to do. Yes, go into the pool and do nothing. Doing nothing is much better when you are wet.
You know, being wet is just as boring, dude.
They do discuss some red flags that have come up about Biscuit. Everybody but Scorp has an eye out on her. She's a "game-player" now. At some point she converted to a game-playing pod person and now she's looking for victims to turn. Sleep with one eye open.
Biscuit stills plays innocent to Scorp though. She seems harmless, but never trust a person with no neck. Biscuit tells Scorp that there's no way she wants to leave today. Those previous days, sure, but now. Hell to the no. So who to vote for? They agree they can't vote for TD and Biggie because they'll keep each other around and that would be HORRIBLE. Again an adjective I used for Austrian Father.
And I'd like to bring your attention to this:
Black eyes, tightie whities.
WTF happened to Zach's eye? Did Biggie accidently hit him with her giant tetas? Seriously. There could be a backstory on this that's a hundred times more interesting than anything that's happened all season. Eyes don't just turn back. Even if he fell on a chair drunk, I'd lurve to see a clip. Paradise, Paradise. Droppin' the ball.
TD and Orbi don't think they can trust Scorp because of the bond that he and Zach have after Hobag's letter. Basically no one is looking out for these two. TD butted heads with Biscuit, so they're not safe with them. TD phrases it in a way I've never heard before, when asking who he would pick.
Do you think Scorp will be overcome with a sudden, miraculous speech disorder?
But let's get down to business. The votes are in and no more hemming and hawing. I likes this new attitude. Amanda is here to be the harbinger of some couple's doom.
The pallbearers.
Well she's not bringing the certain doom quite yet, but she loves to be ominous about it all. Someone WILL be betrayed and stabbed in the back and lose their chance at the ULTIMATE PRIZE.
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Comments (3)
I really did not understand why Hobag wasn't there, and no one even mentioned her! She was, by far, the most interesting person on this show.
Nate, however...a different story. He apparently committed suicide shortly after the show stopped taping. Sad, he was actually likable.
Lady S., I have really enjoyed your recaps. The sequel to the show has been pretty terrible, but your recaps always make me laugh out loud. I really only watch so I can laugh at your recaps later. Thanks!!
1 of 3 | Posted by ***jennifer*** | Posted on May 16, 2008 9:39 PM
I think you deserve extra combat pay for having to recap this dog of a show. Did you draw the short straw or something?
I love how Amanda/the producers instruct them to go get drunk --the only hope that something might actually go down in 'paradise.'
Can't wait for the 'ultimate prize' --I'm betting for a bag of chips.
And yes, they really should have brought back everyone, but at least Hobag (I hate calling her that, I actually think she was the most enjoyable character on this show, and comes off as a much sweeter personality than they originally labeled her).
2 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 17, 2008 12:14 AM
Y'know, it it had been me in this show I would have spent more time enjoying the free vacation (plus the combat pay) and the facilities than all the trauma and hand-wringing these idiots have done. Sure, play the game and survive as long as you can, but, hell, when you're surrounded by "luxury" (that hotel looks a little cheesy to me) just kick back, enjoy the rays and drink 'til you're stupid (oh, wait...)
What I didn't understand was all the ennui, hubris and suffering these idiots display. What do they REALLY do in "real" life? I can't imagine myself "loving someone after a week or two.
It wouldn't surprise me to see Myrna working behing the counter at a greasy spoon or a nail salon or the Virgin running a dog-walking service. These broads have all the class of 8-Mile Rd. hos. The guys, they all look like they hang out hoping TMZ will get a glimpse of them. Still, better to laugh at them than have them laugh at me!
3 of 3 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on May 19, 2008 11:21 AM