And it's a THREE WAY TIE. Some stealth camera action gives away the votes! TD has two votes (from Biggie and Zach, neither of whom can spell her name), Biggie (from TD and Orbi), and Orbi (from Bisky and Zach). But this problem is easily solved because TD and Orbi are a couple and would be deciding together anyway. Of course! So together they have to decide who goes. By tonight. Orbi reminds us this is like the fifth one he's done and is inexplicably popular. But nobody is excited. Neither the deciders nor the decidees. Somehow Paradise is gonna make this suck for everybody.
Biscuit goes on about how not excited she is that her fate is in someone else's hands. Biscuit doesn't think this bodes well for her and Scorp. Zach doesn't know what to think because Orbi is close with Scorp and they are close with TD. The votes are split.
Orbi and TD go off to discuss and they are figuring out who they would rather go up against. They are at an impasse. It would be a no-brainer if Scorp and Biggie were a couple, since those are the two they like. Zach has had a lot of chances and Droopy Biscuit is a droopy biscuit game-playing pod person. Keeping Scorp around though could be shooting themselves in the foot...so what to do, what to do. And if it comes down to a vote at the end, then the people they vote off will certainly not vote for them. Paradise pretty much fucks you any way you look at it.
Use your third eye, young sadhu. It's aglow with intuition!
So now in some kangaroo court, the couples dress up all official and come plead their cases to the judges. Scorp and Biscuit are up first. Biscuit says that she and TD have been through a lot, making their fights sound like they brought them closer. And then, natch, she plays the virgin card, saying that who woulda thunk it, the little virgin coming all this way? Oh that is wearing thin, my no-neck friendo. She adds that she loves Orbi. Scorp plays up the Orbi love, too, and says that he and Orbi are inseparable. He asks them to use your "heart" in making the decision, not their game-playing minds and that if they do he'll respect their decision. Unless they don't pick him, then he won't respect them.
When the next two come up, Orbi inexplicably tells Zach and Biggie that they look great. A Brooks Brothers button-down and the girl you rejected? You're not the one kissing ass today, dude.
Seriously. That shirt is sharp.
It's gonna be hard for you to listen to what I'm saying with this awesomely ironed shirt distracting you, but just hear me out.
So Zach's case for himself is to just throw Biscuit under the bus and say that she's not trustworthy. Only Bret Michaels thinks trash-talking someone else makes you more trustworthy. Here you're "playing the game". Biggie just says that there's really not much to say. Damn straight. Thank god someone doesn't talk much around here.
Sooo, that sesh was super helpful. They still have no clue. It's either his friend or her friend that goes. And look who decided to not wear shoes? And pick his cracked heels. No wonder he thought Zach looked so sharp.
Do you think he was quietly judging me?
And tonight we get an elimination ceremony mid-point! I lurve elimination ceremonies. I get a special pleasure seeing someone get sent packing. On any show. I realized recently that I really only like shows when someone gets eliminated at the end and a few brain cells then offed themselves in despair.
When they get up to the elimination chairs (I really will miss those) Amanda asks Orbi to talk about his relationship to Scorp and then forces TD to love on Biggie, underscoring the dilemma. And they literally play romantic piano music for these soliloquies. Oh, Amanda. You have a nuanced understanding of dramatic effect.
The tension is agonizing. Scorp whispers "It's okay, baby" to Biscuit which is exactly what he said to Hobag when she got eliminated. That diminishes their relationship in my mind. I do not approve of the use of that expression with the neckless virgin. RIP Hobag.
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Comments (3)
I really did not understand why Hobag wasn't there, and no one even mentioned her! She was, by far, the most interesting person on this show.
Nate, however...a different story. He apparently committed suicide shortly after the show stopped taping. Sad, he was actually likable.
Lady S., I have really enjoyed your recaps. The sequel to the show has been pretty terrible, but your recaps always make me laugh out loud. I really only watch so I can laugh at your recaps later. Thanks!!
1 of 3 | Posted by ***jennifer*** | Posted on May 16, 2008 9:39 PM
I think you deserve extra combat pay for having to recap this dog of a show. Did you draw the short straw or something?
I love how Amanda/the producers instruct them to go get drunk --the only hope that something might actually go down in 'paradise.'
Can't wait for the 'ultimate prize' --I'm betting for a bag of chips.
And yes, they really should have brought back everyone, but at least Hobag (I hate calling her that, I actually think she was the most enjoyable character on this show, and comes off as a much sweeter personality than they originally labeled her).
2 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 17, 2008 12:14 AM
Y'know, it it had been me in this show I would have spent more time enjoying the free vacation (plus the combat pay) and the facilities than all the trauma and hand-wringing these idiots have done. Sure, play the game and survive as long as you can, but, hell, when you're surrounded by "luxury" (that hotel looks a little cheesy to me) just kick back, enjoy the rays and drink 'til you're stupid (oh, wait...)
What I didn't understand was all the ennui, hubris and suffering these idiots display. What do they REALLY do in "real" life? I can't imagine myself "loving someone after a week or two.
It wouldn't surprise me to see Myrna working behing the counter at a greasy spoon or a nail salon or the Virgin running a dog-walking service. These broads have all the class of 8-Mile Rd. hos. The guys, they all look like they hang out hoping TMZ will get a glimpse of them. Still, better to laugh at them than have them laugh at me!
3 of 3 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on May 19, 2008 11:21 AM