So after a tense commercial break, we finally learn who they chose. "Me and Ryan" chose Scorp and Biscuit to go home. And Amanda immediately launches into her Barbara Walters thing, saying they've all been there since the very beginning, it's all so HARD. Then she asks what was going through their heads and Orbi just says he can't talk he's so mangled. That's right. STFU at these emotional moments. Cue the piano music now, your heartless wench!
What? No banter now, surfer boy?
But Amanda will get something from Scorp and Biscuit. Switch seats and get on up here! These two are ready to dish. Scorp thought what they had was "real", but they both saw this coming. She eggs them on saying that Orbi always said he wasn't playing the game. Biscuit says that if we're the biggest competition then you compete. Yeah, they did compete and their move was to take you out. Dumb ass. Orbi pulls his hair over his face in shame. They go on and on about how betrayed they feeled. They eliminated their buddies! Amanda crows, rubbing salt in everyone's fresh wounds. Amanda is doing nothing to help out the poor people that had to make this excruciating decision. They were fucked either way. But at least we got the piano going now.
I was just so blinded by that shirt.
But good news for Biscuit and Scorp. They don't leave tonight. They have one last role to play and..."they won't be playing it alone". And now the annoying half of the show begins. I was genuinely feelin' the first half, but alas. All the rejects come down the stairs: James, Jersey, "Model", Chris and Grimace. Why no Hobag?? Why no Nate? Chelsea? Johnny Bravo? I don't like this. Hobag deserves to be there more than GD Grimace.
Tomorrow they all will be deciding who will win the Ultimate Prize. You might want to go hit the bar, hints Amanda. Yes, please encourage them to get drunk and belligerent.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the Paradise Think Tank.
Yes, that's the judge and jury. We see that Orbi literally sweated bullets all over himself when he takes off his jacket.
Is it better to sweat uniformly or in patches? Let's toss that over to our think tank.
And now everyone goes up to the bar for a reunion. Biscuit is crying and Chris consoles her. Orbi is happy to see Jersey. But overall TD and Orbi now feel miserable. Orbi has to lie on his bed with his bare feet he feels so miserable. And normally being in his bare feet makes him so happeeee!
Biscuit and Scorp go to their room and debrief. She can't get over how hurt she feels and she's boo-hooing. If she'd had sex ever and engaged in an adult relationship she'd know actual emotional pain, not this Paradise synthetic pain. No one else cried when they were offed, except Hobag and she was crying because she was losing sex! Don't you see, Biscuit? Sex is worth crying over. Nothing else.
She says that her best friend just tore something out of her hand. This bitch sounds more and more like a kid I would nanny for. Scorp amends her speech by saying "He didn't tear something out of my hand. He tore something out of my chest." Oooh. Whatta burn. Yeah, that's what I mean, says Biscuit. Whatever.
And then we hear Grimace's valley cackle ringing through the air. She and "Model" are telling TD that when you leave Paradise you leave that night. Ha! I love that they waste no time getting those bitches outta there. I actually did think they went to a holding room a few resorts down.
In the corner, James is still trying to play the game from the coffin. He asks Biggie if she would have picked him that night and he was this close to picking her, this and that, blah blah blah. She of course indulges him saying that she might have. But no way. It's a thought, but not really.
I could have sweat circles around that mofo. Look at me, dude.
And now James is coming after TD. James really thinks that he would still be here now if he'd gone to Biggie. If only TD hadn't LIED to him about being in it with him. (Which I don't think she did. She always seemed noncommittal about James.) But now everyone has ruined his chances at the Ultimate Prize. Except him. He is just an innocent amongst a sea of liars.
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Comments (3)
I really did not understand why Hobag wasn't there, and no one even mentioned her! She was, by far, the most interesting person on this show.
Nate, however...a different story. He apparently committed suicide shortly after the show stopped taping. Sad, he was actually likable.
Lady S., I have really enjoyed your recaps. The sequel to the show has been pretty terrible, but your recaps always make me laugh out loud. I really only watch so I can laugh at your recaps later. Thanks!!
1 of 3 | Posted by ***jennifer*** | Posted on May 16, 2008 9:39 PM
I think you deserve extra combat pay for having to recap this dog of a show. Did you draw the short straw or something?
I love how Amanda/the producers instruct them to go get drunk --the only hope that something might actually go down in 'paradise.'
Can't wait for the 'ultimate prize' --I'm betting for a bag of chips.
And yes, they really should have brought back everyone, but at least Hobag (I hate calling her that, I actually think she was the most enjoyable character on this show, and comes off as a much sweeter personality than they originally labeled her).
2 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 17, 2008 12:14 AM
Y'know, it it had been me in this show I would have spent more time enjoying the free vacation (plus the combat pay) and the facilities than all the trauma and hand-wringing these idiots have done. Sure, play the game and survive as long as you can, but, hell, when you're surrounded by "luxury" (that hotel looks a little cheesy to me) just kick back, enjoy the rays and drink 'til you're stupid (oh, wait...)
What I didn't understand was all the ennui, hubris and suffering these idiots display. What do they REALLY do in "real" life? I can't imagine myself "loving someone after a week or two.
It wouldn't surprise me to see Myrna working behing the counter at a greasy spoon or a nail salon or the Virgin running a dog-walking service. These broads have all the class of 8-Mile Rd. hos. The guys, they all look like they hang out hoping TMZ will get a glimpse of them. Still, better to laugh at them than have them laugh at me!
3 of 3 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on May 19, 2008 11:21 AM