He saunters up to the bar and tells TD that Biggie said he would have picked him and he could STILL BE HERE! TD is all, Say what? And when Biggie is called to question she says that she told him it was A THOUGHT. And James simmers down since she never did say she would have picked him. You know why she didn't say she would have picked you, ass hat? Because she WOULDN'T HAVE.
But now TD is pissed off at Biggie because she feels she just said that to get on James's good side, which it probably was, but he went up to her, panting like a puppy dog. TD is taking her anger to Grimace which can only mean annoyance and irritation for everyone.
...I'm gonna make a complete fool of myself. Believe you me. That third eye is gone, sister.
And then Orbi and Scorp have a lovers' quarrel. Scorp says he was wrong to do that. What happened to you saying that you respected his decision? He says he was misled. He sounds like a Rock of Love ho. Orbi tells him not to get in his face. Another blunder! Scorp says that was inappropriate to say that to him about getting in his face and storms off. He really hopes that's the tequila talking. I'll go out on a limb and say that tequila has been the one doing the talking since the get-go.
And Jersey is pissed, too. Everybody's got an ax to grind and, by god, they're going to grind it hard. So Jersey is mad in a quite passive-aggressive fashion with James. She hears that James was celebrating when she left and wants to know what that's about. And she wants everyone to know what that's about.
James has alibis though. Scorp insists that James did cry with him in the bathroom. James is definitely a crier, but come on, where's the footage? I demand footage of tears before I buy what you're selling. He then asks who the source was that said he was so happy and it was...Grimace. "That's a great source," says James, which in this instance, actually plays. Yes, check your source indeed. A girl under twenty-five that paints her face like a tranny hooker and can't manage a genuine smile and cares more about raping the MAC counter than people? Not who you want to cite.
James and Grimace fight and I mute it. He asks her questions but doesn't let her answer so they just start shouting over each other. Was he happy when Jersey left? Was he or was he not taking shots? Which one needs to grow up? James dismisses her by saying that she should just go put on some make-up and calls her a "short bitch". Ha. Here is a Grimace play-by-play:
When I squint my eyes at you, do they look more or less crossed?
Grimace and point to the right.
Grimace and point to the left.
Now with an eye roll.
And the requisite hair fix completes our journey.
All the guys are saying that James was not happy when Jersey left, but who really gives a rat's ass? That is the most provocative question raised all night.
James says that if she were a dude, he would hit her. Is that a threat of physical violence or just a hypothetical musing? Someone needs to get kicked out if we really want this to be a party. He should hit her anyway.
And the fighting continues. TD is on a rampage with the Biggie thing. She tells Zach about the James/Biggie exchange. And of course says that she told James she WOULD have picked him over Zach. Zach says that he's a bad person to get heated. I say get heated! Let's bring back some of the magic of Paradise 2003!
Next fight: BFFs Biggie and TD. TD says that she thought she were friends, but she should have picked Biscuit. The problem with TD's fighting is that she always accuses the other person of doing exactly what she's doing. It would be pretty fascinating to watch, except her voice is rivaled only by Grimace's in annoyance. Biggie tells TD that she's actin' crazy and TD continues to attack Biggie saying that she is raising her voice and disrespecting her, which isn't what the fight's about, but TD loves to come back to that time and time again. TD is yelling at Biggie to stop yelling. It's like the Biscuit-Alphabutt fight revisited. Oh, TD. Another small blonde friend alienated.
Kiss me, you fool.
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Comments (3)
I really did not understand why Hobag wasn't there, and no one even mentioned her! She was, by far, the most interesting person on this show.
Nate, however...a different story. He apparently committed suicide shortly after the show stopped taping. Sad, he was actually likable.
Lady S., I have really enjoyed your recaps. The sequel to the show has been pretty terrible, but your recaps always make me laugh out loud. I really only watch so I can laugh at your recaps later. Thanks!!
1 of 3 | Posted by ***jennifer*** | Posted on May 16, 2008 9:39 PM
I think you deserve extra combat pay for having to recap this dog of a show. Did you draw the short straw or something?
I love how Amanda/the producers instruct them to go get drunk --the only hope that something might actually go down in 'paradise.'
Can't wait for the 'ultimate prize' --I'm betting for a bag of chips.
And yes, they really should have brought back everyone, but at least Hobag (I hate calling her that, I actually think she was the most enjoyable character on this show, and comes off as a much sweeter personality than they originally labeled her).
2 of 3 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 17, 2008 12:14 AM
Y'know, it it had been me in this show I would have spent more time enjoying the free vacation (plus the combat pay) and the facilities than all the trauma and hand-wringing these idiots have done. Sure, play the game and survive as long as you can, but, hell, when you're surrounded by "luxury" (that hotel looks a little cheesy to me) just kick back, enjoy the rays and drink 'til you're stupid (oh, wait...)
What I didn't understand was all the ennui, hubris and suffering these idiots display. What do they REALLY do in "real" life? I can't imagine myself "loving someone after a week or two.
It wouldn't surprise me to see Myrna working behing the counter at a greasy spoon or a nail salon or the Virgin running a dog-walking service. These broads have all the class of 8-Mile Rd. hos. The guys, they all look like they hang out hoping TMZ will get a glimpse of them. Still, better to laugh at them than have them laugh at me!
3 of 3 | Posted by talma63 | Posted on May 19, 2008 11:21 AM