So Biggie was the obvious one. They hug and she comes over to join Amanda. She thanks Zach and he says that he needs to thank her just as much. Aww. Whatevs. So who's the wild card?
And it's...TD! Why TD? Amanda asks the question on everyone's mind. He says that he wouldn't have been able to get this money without her. She always had his back, so he wanted to make a gesture to the person who helped him. And maybe deliver a shocking twist to the guests. Viewers at home are probably watching The Bachelorette at this point.
We open TD's check and it's for TWENTY THOUSAND dollars. She erupts into tears. She just can't believe it. She came into this with a lot of trust issues and she needed this experience to allow her to trust again? Say what? Come on Paradise Hotel to learn about trust? Is that like coming on Paradise Hotel to learn about sobriety? She loves him and he knows she'll do the right thing with it. TD nods her head emphatically, mentally calling up the number to her Schwab banker to get that invested in foreign markets.
Did you see how much he's sweating? Ha ha.
And now we're left with Biggie. How much did she get? There's $180,000 left and he better have split it equally or he'll go down as a complete douche wonder. And he did. She gets $90,000 and she's in tears, too. Amanda is prodding her to go on and on about how generous Zach is. And Biggie thinks he's just the bee knees. He came in swept her off her feet and took care of her and took her best friend along for the ride. Can we just rename this show Zach's Extreme Makeover? Now I feel like they've sullied the memory of Paradise 2003 even further with this kinder, gentler Zach. Thank god they didn't bring Toni back to tell us she's spent the past five years in the Peace Corps.
And Zach starts crying, too. He says that his dad always said that it's better to give than to receive, so with him in mind he is going to cry like a bitch. Just kidding. It's just a little manly misty. And giving the money to the girls feels better to him that his own check. I just want to see how these ass clowns do spend their money. Didn't they all go party in Vegas afterwards? That would be a good use of at least half that money. I'd watch that.
So, alas. There are no more twists and turns in Paradise. It's all over. Fireworks go off and champagne is passed around. Amanda and Orbi can finally be together off camera.
Meet me in the Existential Rooftop Lounge.
And that's all she wrote. So who do you think put Biggie and Zach in the winners' spot? I say Grimace, "Model" and Chris voted for TD and Orbi. The OGs for Biggie and Zach? What say you?
So that's it for now. Do you think there will there be a season three? Do you think the show would have fared better if it had aired closer to the first one? I'm not sure what went wrong, but this season certainly lacked the magic of the first one.
And just so you know, your comments have made it all worth the effort, seriously. And in case you thought I was done with skull-crushingly awful television, I'm replacing Monday nights with Denise Richards: It's Complicated. I'm sure Denise acts a fool enough for an entire hotel full of people. See you there.
Love, Lady S.
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Comments (6)
honsetly - Worst Finale Ever! this was so boring and nothing happened...the ultimate prize wasn't so ultimate...the whole thing was just cheesy...and im from NJ so i can say this...Jersey gives Jersey a bad name! She's the typical stereotype...what was with her hair? and he shiny face? shes one of those girls that looks so much better without makeup on. If there is a new season they need to make sure they get some skankier people to be on it, i expected a lot more hooking up and back stabbing!
1 of 6 | Posted by yankeesfan | Posted on May 23, 2008 10:40 AM
well maybe the show will redeem itself next week.
flipit just told me there's a reunion special, which is actually intriguing. i for one can't wait to find out how these people function in the real world. and what they're up to now.
so...one more recap! maybe...
2 of 6 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on May 23, 2008 2:03 PM
I do not know what could save this show.............holy lame ass ending batman!
The 1st one was cheesy, vicious, sappy, and just filled with super dysfunctional people, the way these shows are suppose to be. These people sucked, they didnt follow casting through the way they should.....by this I mean, when the people fail the mental health evaluation...you keep them & put them on the show...or you go to the rejects of other shows that behaved like lunetics & offer them another free ride, with booze to look like fools on television!!
Thank god for these recaps they were the only thing making it worth while this time around.... sorry the season sucked soooo bad, more sorry I emailed & begged for somebody to cover it!!!!My apologies
3 of 6 | Posted by nubby17 | Posted on May 24, 2008 7:17 AM
Thank you Lady S for recapping the show. Your recaps were the only thing to make this show exciting. I would watch the show, hope for something to happen each show, drama, big time back stabbing, etc, but it really never came through. I would have loved to see Zack split the money differently just to see the reactions of everyone, but I think I would have done the same too. As I wrote that, I guess I would make for boring tv too !!! Thanks again Lady S.
4 of 6 | Posted by Fourteen Forty | Posted on May 24, 2008 1:51 PM
Worst show ever! I think the problem was that 1. it was only on once a week instead of the Big Brother 3 episodes/week platter. 2 - the viewers didn't get to add any of the new guests like season one. The best part of season one was adding that goofy bastard Dave that didn't fit in and wasn't beautiful. 3- this cast was terrible. Can you name one redeeming quality about any of these assholes? I miss the angry sweatband-wearing Zack with his idle threats.
Thanks for recapping - i know it wasn't easy!
5 of 6 | Posted by DP Hooker | Posted on May 24, 2008 8:36 PM
My wife asked me why I watched this show if it was as bad as I said it was. I couldn't give her an answer....
At least I had your recaps to help me through the experience.
"The more you say "OG" the more I look like a banana slug." ...ah, so many nicknames, so little time....
6 of 6 | Posted by itchy | Posted on May 25, 2008 12:31 PM