So good morning in paradise! Don't you just love the smell of skank in the morning? James is eating a healthy serving of crow for breakfast. He knows he was out of his mind last night and he knows he ruined some relationships. I think that Raheim Conrad should eat some crow for being so aggressively moronic himself, but maybe James was way worse. It's hard to tell.

Just like at Olympic level swimming it all seems impressive and while an eighth of a second means the difference between first and fifth place, everybody is damn good. So in paradise, they're all competing in Olympic level jackassery. Anyway, Tania, for one, didn't like that James kept saying he was going to eff her hard in his "emotionally guided" rant last night. But our James is an optimist! He thinks he's strong enough to gain back trust and respect. He just couldn't help that he was so passionate! Whenever I used to get drunk and belligerent I called it "passion", too. RC seems to forgive, though. He admits that he's off the wall, too.

I'm a passionate guy, Lady Sensation. Get off my ass.

And now it's time to learn about the reality of paradise, which is that it's ass boring. There's nothing to do except drink and hook up. Case in point: We get to hang out in Mike and Tania's room while she does ab work and he lies on the bed talking about fingerpainting. Mike says he loves fingerpainting himself. (Gross.) He goes on about how Tania is perfect, just adorable! (Have they met?) In her confessional, Tania wants the world to know though that they're just having fun, though. This isn't headed down the path of Zach and Amy.

And once again, vive la difference!, for the viewers who do not get Fox Reality at home: The highlight of this boring ghettro abs of steel video is Hobag claims that she once got off THIRTY-FOUR TIMES IN TWO HOURS. Maybe I'm naive about climactic potential, but I think this has to be made up. Seventeen times an hour? Back-to-back?? I call BS. Mike just ruminates on how she has the highest sex drive of anyone he's ever been with. He says that he can't ask any more from a roommate. There you have it: if you're not getting off thirty times a day, you're a shitty roommate. And here I thought I just had to clean up after myself and pay the rent on time. No wonder my roommates hate me.

Would I lie to you?

So they need to find something for these people to do. I motion to get a community college down there stat. No one wants to work on that novel? Find a unifying theory of physics? RC and James are sitting around, too, thumbs up their ass.

Let's bust out the Rosetta Stone after this. I've always wanted to learn Mandarin.

RC says that he is looking to get laid. James and RC are so ready for the new girl. They just hope that Orbi isn't gonna mess this one up. Women inexplicably dig this a-hole.

I know. We're all confused.

In Orbi and Jersey's room, they speculate that a blond bombshell will show up and Jersey says that if so, he'll sell her down the river. Not so! He insists. He says that he doesn't want to room with the girl he hooks up with and that he wants to ride it out with Jersey till the end. Of course he adds, that he'll let her know if his opinion changes on that. In paradise, ever give a promise without an exit strategy.

So the group gathers for Amanda to meet the new girl walking pigeon-toed down the stairs. And Jesus H. Look at the rack on Barbie! This is Stephanie and she's a dental assistant from Houston. She informs us that she is indeed sexy and loves to party. Despite the fact you may be thinking her rapier wit is her most distinguishing feature, she clarifies that her boobs have always been her identifying characteristic.

It's like I have three heads, but no brain! Hee hee!

« That's Amore: That's a Whore, Eh? | | Celebrity Rehab: We Will Still Be Friends Forever »

Posted in Paradise Hotel by IS | Permalink | Comments (5)
Last Comment: wornsey on Apr 1, 2008 03:05 PM.