10.) KiKi-Kiki says she is "always hated on because I'm so pretty". I would honestly rate Kiki as about the eleventh prettiest girl in this contest. I think people hate Kiki because Kiki THINKS people hate her because she THINKS she's pretty, not because she is in fact pretty. How do I know this? I hate her. I can honestly say I have never hated a woman for being pretty. It has to be something else.
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I'm a fucking dimwit.
11.) Michelle-Michelle is very confident in her chances. "I know I'm gonna win it, I'm so stunning". Well the odds are 18:1. If she's that confident about that spread she is a Vegas pit boss' dream. I'm taking the field.
12.) Baje-(pronounced like the color, good name, I never mentioned this, but my parents worked at a crayola factory, my legal name is actually Indian Summer Green) According to Baje, she "hasn't ever met anyone more mean than me." Maybe Paris could introduce her to Martha Stewart to put her credo to the test.
13.) Athena-Athena did some sorority chants in her introduction that I didn't have a quick enough hand to write down. I do however remember that during her ranting having an elaborate fantasy about strangling her.
Get me a sock.
14.) Corrie-Apparently Corrie thought she was accepting an MTV Music award. "This is totally an honor, everyone else can just suck it." I think Kanye West wrote that line for her.
15.) Vanessa-Vanessa apparently thinks she is auditioning to be the friend of a nice, respectable human-being. "I'm loyal, caring, fun." Listen Vanessa, go audition for some loser organization. The Peace Corps and Big Brothers and Sisters come to mind. We don't want the loyal and caring around here! Get a life!
I have a dream of feeding the rich.
16.) Erin-Erin says she's "ready for America". I think Erin thought she was recording one of those statements for the Miss America pageant. Listen Erin, this isn't some disgusting cattle show that objectifies women and turns them into objects to be judged like slabs meat. Wait a second, it actually is. But it still isn't Miss America. Those evening gowns are hideous!
17.) Bryan-Bryan is the token gay dude. Not that there's anything wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with using token minorities to curry favor and ratings. Homosexuality however is a crime against Jesus, Buddha and John Wayne. Bryan is going to hell. Maybe if he wins this contest he will have a friend to spend time with as his flesh eternally burns.
I hope the devil shaves his head. Even in Hell, fauxhawks are so over.
18.) Brittany-Brittany is the one grounded, realist in the group. "I'm probably going home, I'm probably losing." Once again, at 18:1 odds she is probably right. I think Brittany is my favorite contestant.
LOL
So there's the roster. The squad's first test was being filmed at Les Deux, a posh L.A. club, while Paris and her entourage watched in another room. During this period Paris proclaimed, "in Hollywood nothing is for fun, it's all work..." Fun times.
After the club each contestant got a gift bag containing a Black Berry, which will enable Paris to communicate with them during each contest. It's sort of like a mother keeping tabs on her kids. Or not.
Each contestant was then blindfolded and taken to an undisclosed location and grilled by some unnamed "Las Vegas showman" (while still blind-folded) in front of Paris and her boyfriend. When the police want to interrogate someone they usually turn to a "Las Vegas Showman". Not many people know this but in that tape of Bill Clinton being questioned in that deposition for the Paula Jones case a while-back the guy questioning him was "Vegas Showman" Wayne Newton. True story.
Next was a trip to a large villa referred to as the "BFF mansion". It's sort of like Monticello or Mount Vernon for dumb fucks. Trust me. Anyway, at the mansion it was revealed that all the contestants' luggage was "lost", which will force them to wear the same clothes that they wore to Les Deux for the foreseeable future. John McCain spent two years in a Vietnamese prison having his toe nails ripped out by sadistic midgets. These dolts have to endure some half-assed version of laundry day. Heavy stuff.
Yikes. Your face was bad enough when it wasn't all stretched out like that. Stop it.
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Comments (2)
fantastic breakdown of the sad BUT must must watch little show. cant wait to see what Paris's little minions have in store for us.
Heres a bit of info that may help the future enjoyment factor.....Kayley aka dirty oldman...is the grandaughter of hollywood royalty Clark Gable....and there was a most fetching picture of her being dragged around the ground by onch on TMZ the other day.....we need a drinking game to go with this show.....ideas anybody?
1 of 2 | Posted by nubby17 | Posted on October 9, 2008 6:59 AM
"Homosexuality however is a crime against Jesus, Buddha and John Wayne. Bryan is going to hell. Maybe if he wins this contest he will have a friend to spend time with as his flesh eternally burns."
Heyyyy, where's the "LOL" that's supposed to go with this part?
love, J-Mo :)
P.S. BTW, as besties with Peter North, I'm sure he's told you all about how he used to do a whole bunch of gay porn under the name Matt Ramsey, right? Oh, he didnt? Well, in that case... yup, he sure did!
2 of 2 | Posted by J-Mo | Posted on October 9, 2008 2:48 PM