We open with possibly my least-favorite storyline -- the mermaid storyline (you'll see). Miguel is looking for his and Kay's baby daughter, Maria, but she's already off to the sitter's for the day. Tabitha twists the knife a little by casually mentioning that Maria seems to be "confused," because she's been calling Fox "Daddy." And he's just her mom's boyfriend, not her real father like Miguel. Then somebody asks where Siren is, and Tabitha says she's in the kitchen with Kay. Everyone is worried.
Okay -- backstory time. You see, Siren is a mermaid. Yes, a mermaid, from the ocean. Baby Endora conjured her up and gave her legs so that she would seduce Miguel, thereby preventing Miguel and Kay from rediscovering their old spark, and solidifying Kay and Fox's relationship. But it isn't really working out that way because Kay is jealous of Siren. Meanwhile, Siren is totally into Miguel and has him bewitched, but she doesn't quite get how to act like a human. Would you believe that this leads to tons of hilarious consequences?
Cut to Siren and Kay bitching at each other, blah blah blah. I guess Kay is pissed off because not only is Siren moving way too fast with Kay's babydaddy Miguel, she's also hitting on Kay's fiancé. Fox. Meanwhile, Siren is annoyed that Kay is constantly trying to interfere with Siren hooking up with Miguel. (Note: We learned earlier this week that if a man has sex with a mermaid, he can never have sex with a human woman again. But nobody knows Siren is a mermaid, except for Tabitha and Endora.)
Finally, we leave this idiocy behind, and the action moves to Rome. Theresa and Ethan are just arriving there. You see, Theresa found out from "Crane Security" that the three Dunceketeers were in danger. She convinced Ethan that since one of the Dunceketeers is her sister (Paloma), and another one is his sister (Jessica), the two of them had better go to Rome together and check it out. Gwen okayed the trip, and she asked Ethan to just be honest with her if he decides to cheat with Theresa.
Ethan swore he wouldn't cheat, but he's got his hands full. Already, on the private plane ride over, Theresa had drugged Ethan and had him stripped to his boxers before the plane landed and he woke up. Now that they're in Rome, it turns out that -- oh my gosh! -- they only have one hotel room between the two of them. However, for once, Ethan is just as onto Theresa as the audience is. He even gets her to admit to molesting him on the plane, as well as screwing up the hotel reservation on purpose. Oddly enough, though, he seems only mildly annoyed that Theresa keeps trying to rape him.
Next we move on to Luis and Fancy. I take back what I said before -- this storyline is even more boring than the mermaid one. You see, Luis is in Rome to look for Marty, and Fancy is there because... I don't know. I think it's because she's mad at her ex-boyfriend Noah and wanted to get away. But wouldn't you know -- it turns out that he's there too. So Luis and Fancy have been having a lot of conversations in which she says that Noah is cheating slime, and Luis says that Noah is a stand-up guy and Fancy should give him another chance. And there have been lots of wacky misunderstandings where people think that Luis and Fancy are a couple, and Luis accidentally kissed Fancy because he woozily thought she was Sheridan, and Sheridan is kind of jealous about that. So the show is trying to build up some chemistry between Luis and Fancy. Whether or not it's working is another matter.
Just as Luis is telling Fancy that he's sure Noah is not really a cheater, Noah walks into the restaurant with his "other woman," Maya, and they start making out full-force right behind Fancy and Luis. It's well beyond "Get a room" territory.
Actually, this might be socially acceptable in Italy.
« The Memory Remains | Main | The Last Dance »
Comments (20)
I was watching this show when it first started, and I think I was in junior high. I stopped after a year for obvious reasons. Yet I can come back after years of not seeing it and completely understand what is happening in the plot. It moves THAT slow. But when I do catch an episode every year or so, It's pretty hilarious stuff.
1 of 20 | Posted by tikilights
|
Posted on May 21, 2006 6:08 PM
And this show has had so many actor changes for the same 3 characters, it's comedy unto itself.
2 of 20 | Posted by tikilights
|
Posted on May 21, 2006 6:14 PM
Wow. A crappy show recapped by an even crappier writer. Seriously, TVGasm, don't let the standards of your recappers fall this fall.
3 of 20 | Posted by The Svan
|
Posted on May 21, 2006 7:46 PM
I watched this show when it started to and used to love it (and am now enjoying that they are showing all the early episodes on SciFi) but stopped watching sometime when Theresa got pregnant because the show just got a little too insane. I cannot believe that this show is still on the air with the ridiculous plot lines described here.
4 of 20 | Posted by criscogirl
|
Posted on May 21, 2006 8:54 PM
Meow. Amanda your recap is not crappy, clearly the genius(ok that's a stretch) that is Passions is not understood by everyone.
"You've been struck by a smooth criminal", hilarious. Looks like she's been using the same plastic surgeon as Vivica Fox.
5 of 20 | Posted by CSlash
|
Posted on May 21, 2006 10:36 PM
Let he without talent cast the first stone...Svan you were saying?
myl
6 of 20 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 8:35 AM
Wow . . . maybe I need to start watching this again, if only for the cheese factor.
So are they actually on location IN Rome, or is it all fake soundstage stuff?
7 of 20 | Posted by mandymax
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 8:52 AM
That was so NOT a crappy recap. The show is crappy man. But it's so bad it goes back to being good, but then unfortunatly swings back to bad again. How about a nice montage video :D
8 of 20 | Posted by GenevieveG
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 10:52 AM
I loved your recap! The show IS horrible and cheesy, but somehow worth it(although I pity you for having to actually WATCH the show. I gave up watching years ago and only read the daily recaps!). Congrats on the assignment and keep up the good work!
9 of 20 | Posted by norma rae
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 11:50 AM
Bring back Evil Charity and the vortex to hell.
10 of 20 | Posted by lisav
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 1:50 PM
Having been a day one fan, I have so much to say about my guiltest of TV pleasures, Passions. I often don't know where to begin.
Ok, Sheridope in the pit was THE best storyline on this show. Beth is one of the greatest soap psychos ever.
The whole monk/symbol/Rome stuff is dull and pointless. I think the monk is Alistair's twin brother. I like Whitney's Sidney Bristow (Jennifer Garner - Alias) copy cat look.
Miguel should just be flat out naked. He was way too hot on that beach..good times! Siren is hysterical. I love all the fish jokes.
KH
11 of 20 | Posted by KatiesHole
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 2:41 PM
Just thought I would share that my cousin is married to Emilio (Billy Hufsey) from Days of Our Lives. Hee!
12 of 20 | Posted by Laughingbabies
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 3:46 PM
okay, I watched the very first episode of this show, the one with the princess Diana-Sheridan paparazzi rip off and Theresa running after the original Ethan. There was so much promise, then. Somewhere along the line they stopped being serious and went for ridiculous. I was so moved, I wrote a lengthy letter to NBC, to have the last few years, be a dream sequence. The plot is so slow, you can take months, even years off and be able to follow the story, i.e. the Theresa-Gwen tabloid story from 5 years ago, still hasn't been revealed. Don't even get me started on Rebecca's blatantly racist comment about black people and hispanics being maids and beneath her etc.
13 of 20 | Posted by nflow
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 4:02 PM
Ugggg...Precious was an ORANGUTAN. She hated being called a chimp. Chris Booth is Sheridan's husband. His son is James and he's South African, not British. The monk appeared to Whitney in her convent chapel and convinced her he is actually God. Spike made Jessica get the tattoo (while she was high) and since he works for Alistair Crane, and his best ho Jessica walked out on him, he's in Rome. Noah is trying to keep Fancy in the dark about his past with Maya because if she knows too much, they'll kill her. Maya and Noah witnessed the murder of Lena the Dragon Lady's business associate and the theft of something he had in his possession. Maya and Noah are also working with the FBI to bring down Lena who they think is involved in a terrorist plot. That's why they are in Rome.
The real question is, do you watch the show or just read Soap Opera Digest? These are all major things that have been endlessly repeated. I'm gonna have to agree with The Svan just based on the lack of back story knowledge.
14 of 20 | Posted by squeegie
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 5:06 PM
Thanks to those who have left encouraging comments - I'm having fun recapping the show, and I'm glad to know there are other people out there who have been sucked in by the madness that is Passions.
To squeegie - I honestly appreciate you filling in those plot points for me. Yes, I do watch the show (and have since the first episode), but before I got the recapping assignment, I wasn't watching every day. There are definitely gaps in my backstory knowledge. This will improve over time, but I hope you (and others) will feel free to chime in.
15 of 20 | Posted by Amanda
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 5:42 PM
I thought amanda did a pretty good job reviewing a pretty stupid show. That doesn't mean I didn't used to watch passions myself, i started with the first episode back before i even started high school, but like other people have said it just got too slow and ridiculous. Even so, some pretty funny stuff does happen, and I think amanda did a good job, squggie stop taking passions so seriously!! Think about this for a minute, youre taking PASSIONS the lamest most illogical show on TV too seriously. Lighten up!
16 of 20 | Posted by Katella
|
Posted on May 22, 2006 9:54 PM
#12, I remember when Billy Hufsey was on the '80s TV show "Fame" ... I had such a crush on him!
17 of 20 | Posted by Casey
|
Posted on May 23, 2006 9:22 AM
I understand the annoyance with not having the backstories correct, but it's kind of hard considering all the backstories have their own backstories. If you tried to explain everything you'd have to go back to the beginning of the show.
18 of 20 | Posted by JerseyGirl
|
Posted on May 23, 2006 1:44 PM
I used to watch this cheesy show every chance I got, but lost interest after the midget died. It's nice to see (I guess) that they're giving LOST a run for its money in the "glacial plot development" department.
19 of 20 | Posted by Ubiquitous
|
Posted on May 24, 2006 5:12 AM
You know, I'm not one to argue in blogs but I'm going to agree with squeegie and the Svan. I understand that you can forget parts of backstory, I understand not watching every day but Chris Booth has been on the show nearly a year so how did you miss his name? And he's kind of front burner. I don't know TVgasm peps, I really like this show, it's a total guilty pleasure of silliness and it's disappointing that this job went to someone that hasn't seemed to watch the show for a year.
And Katella, I don't think any of us are taking this seriously, it's just disappointing given the level of quality TvGasm usually has to see a recap so filled with the phrase "I don't know how this happened and I don't know what's going on"
20 of 20 | Posted by Mollygirl
|
Posted on May 24, 2006 9:40 AM