My own feeling is that Alfredo might be really funny, if not for the fact that the guy playing him is a horrible actor. I think he might even be a little worse than the rest of the actors on the show, and that's saying a lot. The first thing he does is rag on Tabitha's outfit by asking if it's a Vivienne Westwood. When she says no, he says, "Thank God. For a minute there, I thought Vivienne had lost her touch." Oh, snap!
He does have a point.
Passions then attempts to send a positive message by expositing that Alfredo fired the original model for the shoot because she was too thin and needed to "go eat a ham sandwich." Kay agrees and suggests, "Why not use hot male models?" Alfredo responds with: "Well, I do, dear. Just not during working hours." Wow -- racy. Kay introduces Miguel, and Alfredo basically drools, but then asks Fox, "Where's the other flesh puppet?" Gross.
Fox then coughs up his idea. Y'all, you are not going to believe this -- Fox's model is Siren! What a crazy coincidence! Needless to say, Kay is pissed.
Back in Rome, Luis tries to console Fancy some more. She pouts some more. Just then, Ethan and Theresa show up at the restaurant. Everyone is happy to see each other. Theresa explains why she and Ethan are in Rome -- the thing about the Dunceketeers being in danger, and not really being in art school. Luis fills her in that the three idiots were attacked, but now they're okay. Noah comes over and inserts himself into the conversation, since, after all, Jessica is his sister too.
Luis supplies his own update about how he saw Beth and Marty, but they got away, and he has an appointment at a bank tomorrow to try to trace Beth's funding, which seems to be coming from a Crane account. He also explains that Chad thought he saw Whitney in the catacombs.
"All right, so wait a minute," says Ethan. "You mean all of these people from Harmony just happen to show up in Rome coincidentally? Does this seem odd to anybody?" Well, not really, Ethan. The whole thing is explained on the NBC Passions Vendetta website. But Luis thinks it's "a little more than odd. I get the feeling that someone's brought us all to Rome for another reason."
But who would do this? Dun-dun-DUN!!! No, seriously, the music goes Dun-dun-DUN at this part. Then Theresa shows everyone the threatening e-mail, and they all get even more freaked out when Luis recognizes the symbol. He saw it in the catacombs, and Noah also points out that it's tattooed on Jessica's back.
Back to the photo shoot. Siren is sporting some unrealistically buoyant assets inside that bikini top, but perhaps this is just the scientific effect of her being a mermaid. Tabby points out to Kay (off to the side) that if Siren takes the modeling job instead of Miguel, Siren and Miguel will still be separated for the day, just like Kay wanted. But oh no! Alfredo suddenly decides that he wants both models in the shot together. (Meanwhile, throughout this scene, Endora is adorably "ad-libbing" lines like "Careful!" and "Uh-oh!" Did I mention this is the cutest kid on TV?)
Miguel and Siren are posing for the photographer. And oh NO what is Miguel wearing:
OW MY EYES
Alfredo says, "This is hotter than a screening of Brokeback on Fire Island." Yes, he really says that. He says it while fanning himself, no less. Tabby has a side conversation with Endora in which she reminds us all that mermaids are no good and Miguel is going to get burned. We are also reminded that Tabby and Endora are at odds here: Endora is a good witch and wants Kay and Fox to stay together while Miguel finds his own happiness with Siren; on the other hand, Tabby is a bad witch and wants Kay to get back with Miguel so that he can never have sex with his ex-girlfriend Charity. Because Charity is pure good, and if she ever sleeps with her true love Miguel, good will triumph over evil and Tabitha will lose her powers. Obviously.
Back in Rome, the group finds out the rest of what's in Theresa's e-mail. The e-mail actually begins: "You will gain Ethan, but lose your love." Nobody knows what this means. Ethan thinks Theresa is behind it, but she's not.
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Comments (20)
I was watching this show when it first started, and I think I was in junior high. I stopped after a year for obvious reasons. Yet I can come back after years of not seeing it and completely understand what is happening in the plot. It moves THAT slow. But when I do catch an episode every year or so, It's pretty hilarious stuff.
1 of 20 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on May 21, 2006 6:08 PM
And this show has had so many actor changes for the same 3 characters, it's comedy unto itself.
2 of 20 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on May 21, 2006 6:14 PM
Wow. A crappy show recapped by an even crappier writer. Seriously, TVGasm, don't let the standards of your recappers fall this fall.
3 of 20 | Posted by The Svan
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Posted on May 21, 2006 7:46 PM
I watched this show when it started to and used to love it (and am now enjoying that they are showing all the early episodes on SciFi) but stopped watching sometime when Theresa got pregnant because the show just got a little too insane. I cannot believe that this show is still on the air with the ridiculous plot lines described here.
4 of 20 | Posted by criscogirl
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Posted on May 21, 2006 8:54 PM
Meow. Amanda your recap is not crappy, clearly the genius(ok that's a stretch) that is Passions is not understood by everyone.
"You've been struck by a smooth criminal", hilarious. Looks like she's been using the same plastic surgeon as Vivica Fox.
5 of 20 | Posted by CSlash
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Posted on May 21, 2006 10:36 PM
Let he without talent cast the first stone...Svan you were saying?
myl
6 of 20 | Posted by Madeyoulaugh
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Posted on May 22, 2006 8:35 AM
Wow . . . maybe I need to start watching this again, if only for the cheese factor.
So are they actually on location IN Rome, or is it all fake soundstage stuff?
7 of 20 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on May 22, 2006 8:52 AM
That was so NOT a crappy recap. The show is crappy man. But it's so bad it goes back to being good, but then unfortunatly swings back to bad again. How about a nice montage video :D
8 of 20 | Posted by GenevieveG
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Posted on May 22, 2006 10:52 AM
I loved your recap! The show IS horrible and cheesy, but somehow worth it(although I pity you for having to actually WATCH the show. I gave up watching years ago and only read the daily recaps!). Congrats on the assignment and keep up the good work!
9 of 20 | Posted by norma rae
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Posted on May 22, 2006 11:50 AM
Bring back Evil Charity and the vortex to hell.
10 of 20 | Posted by lisav
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Posted on May 22, 2006 1:50 PM
Having been a day one fan, I have so much to say about my guiltest of TV pleasures, Passions. I often don't know where to begin.
Ok, Sheridope in the pit was THE best storyline on this show. Beth is one of the greatest soap psychos ever.
The whole monk/symbol/Rome stuff is dull and pointless. I think the monk is Alistair's twin brother. I like Whitney's Sidney Bristow (Jennifer Garner - Alias) copy cat look.
Miguel should just be flat out naked. He was way too hot on that beach..good times! Siren is hysterical. I love all the fish jokes.
KH
11 of 20 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on May 22, 2006 2:41 PM
Just thought I would share that my cousin is married to Emilio (Billy Hufsey) from Days of Our Lives. Hee!
12 of 20 | Posted by Laughingbabies
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Posted on May 22, 2006 3:46 PM
okay, I watched the very first episode of this show, the one with the princess Diana-Sheridan paparazzi rip off and Theresa running after the original Ethan. There was so much promise, then. Somewhere along the line they stopped being serious and went for ridiculous. I was so moved, I wrote a lengthy letter to NBC, to have the last few years, be a dream sequence. The plot is so slow, you can take months, even years off and be able to follow the story, i.e. the Theresa-Gwen tabloid story from 5 years ago, still hasn't been revealed. Don't even get me started on Rebecca's blatantly racist comment about black people and hispanics being maids and beneath her etc.
13 of 20 | Posted by nflow
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Posted on May 22, 2006 4:02 PM
Ugggg...Precious was an ORANGUTAN. She hated being called a chimp. Chris Booth is Sheridan's husband. His son is James and he's South African, not British. The monk appeared to Whitney in her convent chapel and convinced her he is actually God. Spike made Jessica get the tattoo (while she was high) and since he works for Alistair Crane, and his best ho Jessica walked out on him, he's in Rome. Noah is trying to keep Fancy in the dark about his past with Maya because if she knows too much, they'll kill her. Maya and Noah witnessed the murder of Lena the Dragon Lady's business associate and the theft of something he had in his possession. Maya and Noah are also working with the FBI to bring down Lena who they think is involved in a terrorist plot. That's why they are in Rome.
The real question is, do you watch the show or just read Soap Opera Digest? These are all major things that have been endlessly repeated. I'm gonna have to agree with The Svan just based on the lack of back story knowledge.
14 of 20 | Posted by squeegie
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Posted on May 22, 2006 5:06 PM
Thanks to those who have left encouraging comments - I'm having fun recapping the show, and I'm glad to know there are other people out there who have been sucked in by the madness that is Passions.
To squeegie - I honestly appreciate you filling in those plot points for me. Yes, I do watch the show (and have since the first episode), but before I got the recapping assignment, I wasn't watching every day. There are definitely gaps in my backstory knowledge. This will improve over time, but I hope you (and others) will feel free to chime in.
15 of 20 | Posted by Amanda
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Posted on May 22, 2006 5:42 PM
I thought amanda did a pretty good job reviewing a pretty stupid show. That doesn't mean I didn't used to watch passions myself, i started with the first episode back before i even started high school, but like other people have said it just got too slow and ridiculous. Even so, some pretty funny stuff does happen, and I think amanda did a good job, squggie stop taking passions so seriously!! Think about this for a minute, youre taking PASSIONS the lamest most illogical show on TV too seriously. Lighten up!
16 of 20 | Posted by Katella
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Posted on May 22, 2006 9:54 PM
#12, I remember when Billy Hufsey was on the '80s TV show "Fame" ... I had such a crush on him!
17 of 20 | Posted by Casey
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Posted on May 23, 2006 9:22 AM
I understand the annoyance with not having the backstories correct, but it's kind of hard considering all the backstories have their own backstories. If you tried to explain everything you'd have to go back to the beginning of the show.
18 of 20 | Posted by JerseyGirl
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Posted on May 23, 2006 1:44 PM
I used to watch this cheesy show every chance I got, but lost interest after the midget died. It's nice to see (I guess) that they're giving LOST a run for its money in the "glacial plot development" department.
19 of 20 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on May 24, 2006 5:12 AM
You know, I'm not one to argue in blogs but I'm going to agree with squeegie and the Svan. I understand that you can forget parts of backstory, I understand not watching every day but Chris Booth has been on the show nearly a year so how did you miss his name? And he's kind of front burner. I don't know TVgasm peps, I really like this show, it's a total guilty pleasure of silliness and it's disappointing that this job went to someone that hasn't seemed to watch the show for a year.
And Katella, I don't think any of us are taking this seriously, it's just disappointing given the level of quality TvGasm usually has to see a recap so filled with the phrase "I don't know how this happened and I don't know what's going on"
20 of 20 | Posted by Mollygirl
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Posted on May 24, 2006 9:40 AM