By Amanda
Wow – plenty of action this week on Passions. EvilMonk’s identity is revealed, and the mermaid is exposed! On top of that, there are virtual-reality goggles; a coma patient being jabbed with a huge needle; another punching fight; more drinking; more fake nuns; and lots of people talking to themselves, both inside and outside of their own heads. Really, it’s all you could ever want in a TV show. Except for good acting, good writing, a plot that makes sense, and sets that don’t fall over when you breathe on them. But other than that, it’s perfect.
Right away, we find out that today is going to be a mermaid kind of day. Apparently, the photo shoot with Miguel and Siren as models was such a smashing success that now there is going to be a whole ad campaign starring the two of them. All of the ads will have nautical themes. I guess they are advertising the same perfume as before, but that’s not totally clear.
Earlier in the week, Kay snuck out of the house at the crack of dawn to talk to Miguel alone down by the docks. (He was getting ready to go out to work on a fishing boat.) Of course, Kay wanted to talk about how Miguel should dump Siren. Kay and Miguel had a long discussion and then ended up in an emotional hug, which of course was interrupted by Fox and Siren walking in all indignant. To cover, Miguel and Kay made up this story that they were discussing this great new ad campaign idea. Fox loved it, so that’s why they’re now stuck actually producing it.
Kay and Fox discuss the new ad campaign.
Even though Kay is the one who sold Fox on the ad idea, she’s still bitching to him about Siren, and he keeps telling her to chill out. He thinks it’s weird that she’s so anti-Siren, but he doesn’t seem to have a clue that she might, um, like Miguel. Fox is not the sharpest tool in the shed. After Fox leaves the room, Kay – that’s right – talks to herself. She says, “There’s something fishy about Siren.” Get it? GET IT????
Now – a few weeks ago, Miguel met this crusty old Gorton’s Fisherman type. Let’s just call him Gorton (even though his name is Carl). Gorton has a tattoo depicting a mermaid. Miguel is totally weirded out by it, because the tattoo looks exactly like Siren, so much so that Miguel at first thought she must have modeled for it. But that’s impossible, because the guy has had the tattoo for forty years, and Siren can’t be that old! Or can she?
As faithful students of Passions, you won’t be surprised to hear that in fact the tattoo does not look that much like Siren. But let’s pretend, okay? So Gorton tells Miguel that the tattoo is of a MERMAID he saw forty years ago. That’s right, Gorton knows that mermaids are real. Oh no! Will Siren’s true identity be exposed? Or is Gorton just a crazy, senile old man? Am I allowed to vote for both?
Indistinguishable from the real thing.
Miguel invites Gorton to watch the photo shoot, which is going to be held right there on the docks. Gorton says he can’t, because he’s going out cod fishing. He establishes the important plot point that he has buckets and buckets of really vile-smelling bait. “You’ve gotta let the bait rot for weeks.” Remember that.
All right, I confess. This guy doesn’t so much look like the Gorton’s Fisherman, except for being old, and being a fisherman. Actually – I don’t know much about fishing, but to me, he looks like he’s dressed for fly fishing. Not for fishing out on the high seas, with a big boat and a big net, but for the kind of fishing where you sit around with a pole trying to catch, like, one fish at a time. Isn’t that what this hat and vest mean? Nice job, Passions wardrobe department.
I’m sure this outfit will hold up great in a nor’easter.
So Siren walks up, and Gorton is flabbergasted to see his mermaid again after forty years. Either that, or he’s astonished by the way that her chest continues to defy gravity in a wide variety of bikini tops.
Is there helium in those things?
Gorton’s shock and awe are our mini cliffhanger, and with that, we go to Rome. Ah, fake Rome. City of fake Romans. Noah is sitting in the generic restaurant talking to himself. He is very upset because a little while ago, he went to Fancy’s hotel suite to talk to her, and he found her asleep in bed with Luis.
« Meeting Carolyn Is A THIRTY BILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY | Main | Hit Me With Your Best Shot »
Comments (6)
Wow, I haven't watched any soap opera in years but it's amazing how much they don't change. Most of this stuff could be taken from any soap and you wouldn't know the difference. Except for the cheesy but "attractive" actors.
You know, the first thing I always do when my head gets slammed into a wall and bleeds is crawl into bed with a shirtless guy. Wouldn't want to see a doctor or go to a hospital.
The large pillar trick and the virtual reality scenes- talk about big budget production. I hope they had enough left over to pay the actors (and I use that term loosely).
Good recap, Amanda. I'm grateful you're watching this craptastic show rather than me!
1 of 6 | Posted by zevonia
|
Posted on June 5, 2006 11:28 AM
I haven't watched this show since the whole Tabitha/Timmy debacle, and I have to say, it's good to see that nothing has changed. I don't know if I could actually bring myself to watch an entire episode of this crap, but I loved the recap. I might have to make this part of my weekly TvGasm routine.
2 of 6 | Posted by Pie
|
Posted on June 5, 2006 11:47 AM
Remember when soaps used to actually be an industry? And they had BUDGETS? *sigh*
Love the recaps!
3 of 6 | Posted by mandymax
|
Posted on June 5, 2006 1:11 PM
Most low-budget soap ever
4 of 6 | Posted by tikilights
|
Posted on June 5, 2006 3:40 PM
All the fans knew Alistair was the evil monk. What a complete let down. It could of been so many other interesting characters and stories. I'm a huge fan, but this show blows now!
I'm very surprised this show got renewed another year.
I only watch this show for Beth, and making fun of the monkey faced 'actress' that plays Theresa.
KH
5 of 6 | Posted by KatiesHole
|
Posted on June 5, 2006 3:53 PM
6 of 6 | Posted by Ubiquitous
|
Posted on June 6, 2006 5:18 AM