This week on Passions, Alistair finally cracks the coded inscription on the chalice, so very soon we should find out what godlike powers he now possesses. Hopefully, he'll grow to be 200 feet tall and start shooting lightning bolts out of his eyes. That's my vote; what's yours? Elsewhere, Kay practically performs a striptease on top of a washing machine, and we learn some disturbing facts about the love life of Beth's aged, incontinent mother. Perhaps best of all, Spike is still alive and still pimping, and we get to see another scene in that slammin' nightspot, Prometheus. Hey, we have to enjoy Rome while we still have it. I mean, "Rome."
Kay and Miguel are doing laundry. Sexy laundry. He's shirtless and she's in a tight little T-shirt and shorts. I keep expecting this scene to devolve into a porno movie, but it never happens. Miguel waxes contemplative about missing the first year (? or more?) of their daughter Maria's life. The very, very sore subject of Siren is raised and then dropped like a hot potato, and then the washing machine starts to make a loud banging noise.
Now, remember, this is all happening at Tabitha's house - Kay, Fox, Miguel, Siren, and Maria all live there, along with Tabitha and Endora. You see, Kay moved in with Tabitha a long time ago, because she wasn't getting along with her parents. She was a single mom and Tabitha was happy to have her living there so they could be two single moms together. Plus, Kay already knew Tabitha was a witch, so there was no security risk there.
Then, Kay started dating Fox and he moved in too. Why? Fox is rich. Couldn't he get his own place, where Kay and Maria could live too? Then Miguel came back from his out-of-town search for Charity, and he moved in also, I guess so he could be close to Maria. Then, only a few weeks after that, Miguel met Siren and she moved in with him at Tabitha's after ONE DAY. (Of course, it's an important plot point that Miguel and Siren aren't sleeping together, so the fact that they are living together is even more lame.)
At this point, Tabitha is running what amounts to a flophouse. I have no idea what's in it for her - she doesn't even like Siren, and she constantly has to stay on her toes to keep Miguel and Fox from finding out she's a witch. But the good news is that Passions saves money on sets this way.
Obviously, Tabitha isn't making any money off of all these bums who crash at her house. Kay explains that the washing machine makes this loud banging noise all the time, and you just have to climb up onto it and reach behind it and do something to these wires to fix it. This is news to Miguel, which implies that this is the first time he has ever done laundry in all of his weeks in the house. Maybe this explains his lack of a shirt to do laundry in, as well as his frequent lack of a shirt generally.
Cut to Rome, where it has been revealed that (gasp) Beth and Marty are alive. That didn't take long. Of course, Luis doesn't know they're alive, but we do. Beth and Marty are on the run, and they've stopped at a stereotypical Italian restaurant to get something to eat. When they arrived there early in the week, they got a big surprise: Beth's mom, Edna Wallace, runs the restaurant, along with her pal, crazy Norma Bates.
Mrs. Wallace is a very funny character who was an integral part of Beth's previous storylines. She and Beth hate each other; back in Harmony, they lived together, and there were frequent jokes about Mrs. Wallace's diapers and Beth's desperate wish to put her in a home. Due to their impoverished circumstances, the Wallaces hired an orangutan as Edna's caretaker. (Thanks to the commenter who set me straight that it was NOT a chimp.) Unfortunately, Precious the primate has not been brought back to take part in Mrs. Wallace's current cameo.
I missed the end of Beth's last storyline in Harmony, but apparently Mrs. Wallace wound up in a loony bin, where she met up with Norma Bates. Norma is also a longtime recurring character, but a boring one. She is an axe murderer by trade and has made a long string of failed attempts to kill Tabitha. Why we are seeing her in Rome, I do not know.
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Comments (6)
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/06/22/icymi-brokeback-passion/
1 of 6 | Posted by msado
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Posted on June 26, 2006 12:59 PM
Great recap as usual. I really look forward to your recaps because no other show on television can match the level of crap that is Passions.
That brokeback joke was just awful, and I didn't get the puchline either. Just a small rant: Ang Lee makes a beautiful, poignant film about being forced to live a lie and rather than look at the issues it raises the only way that straight people can find a way to relate to this piece of art is to make it into a national joke - sheesh. Who knew hearts in anguish could be so hilarious? Rant over.
Wait a minute, Alistair was dressed as a mannish woman side-kick and would make out with Beth? Please tell me he didn't know she was his daughter at the time.
2 of 6 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on June 26, 2006 5:10 PM
Norma said, "Make it five" because her Daddy lives inside her head. I actually found this mildly disturbing -even for Passions.
3 of 6 | Posted by Urrgghh™
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Posted on June 27, 2006 12:00 AM
BDOS.... Brokeback Mountain was as painful to watch as the Passions sequence. There are far superior movies about gay self-hatred and self-loathing out there (in fact, most gay themed movies cover that territory).
Alas, Love the recaps. And, yes, Alistair knew he was Beth's father, but Beth did not know. So, it was ok to thwart a potential lesbian's feelings....
By the way, Passions is the sillies crap on TV, but your recaps make it so much more interesting!
4 of 6 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on June 27, 2006 12:57 PM
Thanks for recapping this pile
of crap. I started watching this years ago but can't stay
with it more than five min. or I feel my brain starting to rot. It's nice to know things
are the same as usual in Harmony.
5 of 6 | Posted by campfiregirl
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Posted on June 27, 2006 3:23 PM
Considering the glacial rate at which these story lines progress, I'm surprised ANYTHING ever changes.
6 of 6 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on June 29, 2006 9:27 AM