In the restaurant, Beth and Edna trade barbs, with Beth calling her mother a "horrible old bat." The toddler playing Marty earns my love forever when he cheerfully echoes, "old bat!" Edna wants Beth to give her some of Alistair's money, but Beth claims that Alistair never gives her any. She reminds us that Edna was such a slut that she didn't even know Alistair was Beth's daddy until recently. Crazy Norma hears the word "daddy" and starts having a freakout. Apparently, she has daddy issues. (Remember, she's supposed to be a female Norman Bates. Yawn.)
Theresa, Ethan, Gwen, and J.T. are in the catacombs. The way they got there is Passions at its most idiotic. You see, everybody figured out that Alistair was in Rome and trying to co-opt the chalice for his own purposes, so they all hustled over to the Church of the Blind Monks. (Yes, that's what they all called it.) Alistair was there cackling over his chalice while J.T. hovered around nervously, trying to get Alistair to give him some money to get out of town.
The clump of people who showed up at the church was a bloodthirsty mob out for revenge. Luis blamed Alistair for Marty's "death"; Noah was angry about the plot to keep him and Fancy apart. Fancy was there to find out the truth about her grandfather. Whitney, Chad, and the old nun were pissed about the whole "using Whitney to steal the chalice" thing. Theresa, Ethan, and Gwen were looking for J.T. But once they all got to the church, they found a big padlocked cell door between them and their prey. They could all see Alistair and J.T. and even reach through the bars, but they couldn't unlock the lock, so Luis and Noah couldn't kill Alistair like they wanted to.
Dumb and Dumber. And Dumbest.
Never mind the fact that a GUN would have solved this little logistical issue - it gets much dumber than that. You see, J.T. got nervous when he saw Theresa on the other side of the bars, so he bolted off into a side passageway. Theresa chased after him by going into a different passageway that was on her side of the bars. After a couple of minutes, she met up with J.T. in the catacombs.
Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't this mean that Luis and Noah could have gotten to Alistair by going through this passageway? Instead, they spent a bunch of time frantically working at the padlock. Whatever; we'll get back to them in a minute. At the moment, Theresa is once again frantically begging J.T. to tell Ethan the truth, as Ethan and Gwen look on. Theresa points out that she no longer has access to Alistair's money, so if J.T. fesses up, Ethan can no longer say that he's lying to get the reward. J.T. finally says he'll tell the truth. Gwen looks panicked.
Just as J.T. is about to start talking, Whitney runs up. She's just been talking to the crazy old psychic nun outside. Said nun told Whitney that someday she will be able to be with Chad again. So, there we have our confirmation that they are not really siblings, but Whitney doesn't pick up on this cue. The nun also said that Theresa is going to suffer great heartache. For some reason, Whitney decided this meant she had to find Theresa immediately and bring her back to talk to the nun, so here she is, interrupting at a very awkward moment.
Whitney has shed her "disguise," which means she has gotten rid of those creepy blue contacts and her light brown pageboy wig and is back to having brown eyes and long curly black hair. This "transformation" just serves to remind me once again of how not-different she looked the whole time she was supposed to be so unrecognizable. I mean, it's Passions. Couldn't she have just worn a rubber mask of someone else's face? Problem solved.
Wait, is that a new character? Oh, no, it's just Whitney.
Theresa and Gwen argue. Ethan cuts them off, as always, and urges J.T. to just spill it. There are many dramatic close-ups of people's faces. Nothing happens.
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Comments (6)
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/06/22/icymi-brokeback-passion/
1 of 6 | Posted by msado
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Posted on June 26, 2006 12:59 PM
Great recap as usual. I really look forward to your recaps because no other show on television can match the level of crap that is Passions.
That brokeback joke was just awful, and I didn't get the puchline either. Just a small rant: Ang Lee makes a beautiful, poignant film about being forced to live a lie and rather than look at the issues it raises the only way that straight people can find a way to relate to this piece of art is to make it into a national joke - sheesh. Who knew hearts in anguish could be so hilarious? Rant over.
Wait a minute, Alistair was dressed as a mannish woman side-kick and would make out with Beth? Please tell me he didn't know she was his daughter at the time.
2 of 6 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on June 26, 2006 5:10 PM
Norma said, "Make it five" because her Daddy lives inside her head. I actually found this mildly disturbing -even for Passions.
3 of 6 | Posted by Urrgghh™
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Posted on June 27, 2006 12:00 AM
BDOS.... Brokeback Mountain was as painful to watch as the Passions sequence. There are far superior movies about gay self-hatred and self-loathing out there (in fact, most gay themed movies cover that territory).
Alas, Love the recaps. And, yes, Alistair knew he was Beth's father, but Beth did not know. So, it was ok to thwart a potential lesbian's feelings....
By the way, Passions is the sillies crap on TV, but your recaps make it so much more interesting!
4 of 6 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on June 27, 2006 12:57 PM
Thanks for recapping this pile
of crap. I started watching this years ago but can't stay
with it more than five min. or I feel my brain starting to rot. It's nice to know things
are the same as usual in Harmony.
5 of 6 | Posted by campfiregirl
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Posted on June 27, 2006 3:23 PM
Considering the glacial rate at which these story lines progress, I'm surprised ANYTHING ever changes.
6 of 6 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on June 29, 2006 9:27 AM