Back at Chalice Central, Chad and Luis (and Noah and Fancy) have managed to pick the lock or something, and they are actually in the room with Alistair, who is still holding onto the chalice. He's holding it casually like he's sipping a drink at a garden party. That would be awesome if he decided to start using it for refreshing beverages. If I had an all-powerful holy chalice, I would totally use it for drinking diet Coke. I would go to public places and casually pull my chalice and my can of diet Coke out of my purse and then make a big show of pouring it and swirling it all around before taking sips. Then I would loudly smack my lips. What? I mean, it seems like a waste to just leave it home on the mantelpiece or someplace.
Luis wants to kill Alistair with his bare hands, but Chad says he can't, because the chalice might be damaged in the process and then the world might end. No, really. Luis fakes everybody out, like, "Yeah, you guys are right," and then he lunges at Alistair anyway and starts trying to strangle him to death. Meanwhile, Chad is trying to pry the chalice out of Alistair's hand, but he's holding on too tightly.
Back in Tabitha's laundry room, Kay is sexily sprawled across the top of the washing machine, jiggling the wires behind it. Miguel says he's going to use some of his modeling money to buy Tabby a new washing machine. Yes, I think that would be a nice gesture. As Kay writhes suggestively on the washer, Miguel sees some old baby clothes of Maria's and waxes nostalgic again. He feels really bad about not being there for Kay and Maria.
In Mario and Luigi's Bellissimo Ristorante Italiano, Norma is still having her daddy-related psychotic break. Edna explains to Beth that Norma has her daddy's skull stashed back in Harmony. Beth calls Norma a wacko, and Norma overhears and lays into Beth for being a wacko herself. Beth objects on the ground that Marty is listening. Norma apologizes and introduces herself to Marty. She actually introduces herself as Luigi, which is apparently her alias, since she and Edna are living in Italy in hiding.
Fancy tries to make Luis stop killing Alistair. She tries several different arguments: He's my grandfather! You don't want this sin on your soul! Think of all the people who love you! You'll go to jail! You'll never see Sheridan again! Of course, this last one is the one that works, because Luis doesn't give a shit about anything other than Sheridan. He lets Alistair go, and Fancy comforts her Grampy, whose neck kind of hurts.
J.T. flakes on Theresa yet again, pointing out that there's now nothing in it for him when it comes to telling Ethan the truth. I'd say that's valid. Whitney tries some more to get Theresa to come and talk to the nun; Theresa and Gwen bitch at each other some more.
Beth promises Marty that he's going to see his daddy soon. Edna reacts with shock to the news that Luis is in Rome; Beth tells her that Luis thinks Beth and Marty are dead. Edna lays into Beth for torturing Luis and Marty this way. Beth threatens to send Edna back to the asylum, and then Norma comes over, and we get ... a plot that we really ... did not need.
Norma tells Beth, "Lay off of my Edna." Beth cottons onto the fact that there is a love connection of some sort between Norma, living in drag as Luigi, and her mother. Edna kind of tries to deny it, but finally admits that they were on the run and "leaned on each other." She gets in her own digs at Beth, recapping that Beth once also had a psychopathic mannish woman (Charlie) in love with her, and that she freely traded her kisses to said Charlie in exchange for assistance in keeping Sheridan prisoner. Beth points out that Charlie ultimately turned out to be Alistair in disguise. Yes, and that's not gross at all that you were kissing him and then he turned out to be your father. What is it with this show and incest?
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Comments (6)
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/06/22/icymi-brokeback-passion/
1 of 6 | Posted by msado
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Posted on June 26, 2006 12:59 PM
Great recap as usual. I really look forward to your recaps because no other show on television can match the level of crap that is Passions.
That brokeback joke was just awful, and I didn't get the puchline either. Just a small rant: Ang Lee makes a beautiful, poignant film about being forced to live a lie and rather than look at the issues it raises the only way that straight people can find a way to relate to this piece of art is to make it into a national joke - sheesh. Who knew hearts in anguish could be so hilarious? Rant over.
Wait a minute, Alistair was dressed as a mannish woman side-kick and would make out with Beth? Please tell me he didn't know she was his daughter at the time.
2 of 6 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on June 26, 2006 5:10 PM
Norma said, "Make it five" because her Daddy lives inside her head. I actually found this mildly disturbing -even for Passions.
3 of 6 | Posted by Urrgghh™
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Posted on June 27, 2006 12:00 AM
BDOS.... Brokeback Mountain was as painful to watch as the Passions sequence. There are far superior movies about gay self-hatred and self-loathing out there (in fact, most gay themed movies cover that territory).
Alas, Love the recaps. And, yes, Alistair knew he was Beth's father, but Beth did not know. So, it was ok to thwart a potential lesbian's feelings....
By the way, Passions is the sillies crap on TV, but your recaps make it so much more interesting!
4 of 6 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on June 27, 2006 12:57 PM
Thanks for recapping this pile
of crap. I started watching this years ago but can't stay
with it more than five min. or I feel my brain starting to rot. It's nice to know things
are the same as usual in Harmony.
5 of 6 | Posted by campfiregirl
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Posted on June 27, 2006 3:23 PM
Considering the glacial rate at which these story lines progress, I'm surprised ANYTHING ever changes.
6 of 6 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on June 29, 2006 9:27 AM