Norma chimes in then, to reminisce about when she and Edna were "working on that ranch." And then, there is a Brokeback Mountain parody flashback scene, starring Edna and Norma. Wow, Passions, that's really timely and topical. I can't possibly do this scene justice. They trade lines about being hungry, and eating sheep, and eating beans, and then two hot shirtless cowboys come out of a tent and invite the two ladies to join them. I will say that I don't get the punch line, when one of the two hot cowboys says that there's plenty of room for all four of them in the tent, and Norma says, "Make it five." Huh?
I wish I knew how to ... oh, never mind.
After the flashback, Beth is squicked out and wants to leave, but Edna once again demands money. She applies some blackmail, so Beth leaves to try to meet Alistair and get the cash; Norma goes with her as security.
In the laundry room, Kay still can't get the washer to work, so Miguel tries to help her. He randomly says that this is how he imagined marriage would be. Um, why would you say that to your babymama whom you have no plans to marry? Kay writhes around on top of the washer, and Miguel offers to "help [her] get more comfortable." He does this by putting his hands on her hips and waist. Excuse me? Really, where is the BOMP-CHICKA-BOMP-BOMP music? I keep expecting the pizza delivery guy or the sweaty gardener to show up for a threesome. Just then, Kay touches the wrong wire and electrocutes them both. Yay!
Luis wants to haul Alistair off to jail, but Fancy thinks he needs medical attention. Alistair fakes sick and weak and then pulls a secret lever that caves in the ceiling of the catacombs: "You'll never take me alive!" The building shakes and the walls and ceiling all fall down, both on the group at Chalice Central and on the group at J.T. Junction. More yay!
A lot of rubble falls on Theresa. Ethan tries to dig her out. Yay! Rubble falls on him too. Then it falls on Whitney and Chad, and on Luis and Fancy, and on Noah and Gwen ... plenty of rubble for everybody! Oh, how cool it would be if they were all dead? Paloma and Simone could find them, and they could fly all of their bodies back to Harmony and have a mass funeral, and voilà, budget problems solved.
Sadly, back in Rubbletown after the commercial, Noah is the first to awaken and stand up. Oh, darn - Luis and Fancy are okay too, and they are conveniently in each other's arms. They get up. Gee, that rubble really doesn't seem too heavy. It's almost as though it were made of Styrofoam or something! They all notice that they can't find Alistair.
Softer and fluffier than a Tempurpedic.
In the other room, Chad and Whitney are fine, and also cozy in an "accidental" embrace. (Chad came running into that room to look for Whitney when the collapse started.) Gwen is fine. Ethan is fine, but he's worried about Theresa; Gwen mutters, "It's always Theresa." Theresa gets up like a zombie and starts obsessively searching for J.T., who is seemingly buried under a tomblike pile of Styrofoam rubble. Ethan helps her dig. It's fun to watch them pretending that the rubble is heavy - they do this by moving it slowly, but they don't manage to create the impression that it involves any effort.
Chez Kay and Miguel, the washing machine starts to catch fire. Miguel wakes up and manages to put the fire out really easily, but he can't get Kay to wake up. Finally, she does wake up, and they start making out. Which ALWAYS happens on soaps. If anyone is unconscious after a disaster, you can bet good money that this will lead to someone kissing someone that they are not supposed to kiss. Sometimes it goes further - in a similar situation on Days, Belle and Shawn ended up making an entire baby and not even remembering it.
Smoke inhalation is so sexy.
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Comments (6)
http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/06/22/icymi-brokeback-passion/
1 of 6 | Posted by msado
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Posted on June 26, 2006 12:59 PM
Great recap as usual. I really look forward to your recaps because no other show on television can match the level of crap that is Passions.
That brokeback joke was just awful, and I didn't get the puchline either. Just a small rant: Ang Lee makes a beautiful, poignant film about being forced to live a lie and rather than look at the issues it raises the only way that straight people can find a way to relate to this piece of art is to make it into a national joke - sheesh. Who knew hearts in anguish could be so hilarious? Rant over.
Wait a minute, Alistair was dressed as a mannish woman side-kick and would make out with Beth? Please tell me he didn't know she was his daughter at the time.
2 of 6 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on June 26, 2006 5:10 PM
Norma said, "Make it five" because her Daddy lives inside her head. I actually found this mildly disturbing -even for Passions.
3 of 6 | Posted by Urrgghh™
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Posted on June 27, 2006 12:00 AM
BDOS.... Brokeback Mountain was as painful to watch as the Passions sequence. There are far superior movies about gay self-hatred and self-loathing out there (in fact, most gay themed movies cover that territory).
Alas, Love the recaps. And, yes, Alistair knew he was Beth's father, but Beth did not know. So, it was ok to thwart a potential lesbian's feelings....
By the way, Passions is the sillies crap on TV, but your recaps make it so much more interesting!
4 of 6 | Posted by slutty_whore
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Posted on June 27, 2006 12:57 PM
Thanks for recapping this pile
of crap. I started watching this years ago but can't stay
with it more than five min. or I feel my brain starting to rot. It's nice to know things
are the same as usual in Harmony.
5 of 6 | Posted by campfiregirl
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Posted on June 27, 2006 3:23 PM
Considering the glacial rate at which these story lines progress, I'm surprised ANYTHING ever changes.
6 of 6 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on June 29, 2006 9:27 AM