Apparently Alistair's lair wasn't all that well-hidden, because it was located by Luis, Fancy, Noah, and Ethan after very little strategic planning of any kind. They all busted in on the many assorted villains and vowed to bring them to justice. Of course, the big emotional payoff in this meeting came from Luis seeing that Beth is alive and inferring that Marty must therefore be alive too. Beth admitted that Marty's alive, but she refused to tell where she has him stashed. There was a standoff involving Alistair wanting to kill Luis and Beth trying to save Luis because she loves him, but that never really led anywhere.
The good guys grabbed the bad guys by the arms and dragged them out into the plaza, where Alistair had a little surprise ready. He yelled out to a bunch of well-hidden goons and suddenly the good guys were encircled by a whole mess of thugs, who proceeded to beat the crap out of them. Remember on Lost when the good guys scoffed at Zeke and said there probably weren't that many of the Others, and then Zeke whistled or yelled something out and suddenly a huge ring of light appeared out in the jungle showing that our heroes were surrounded by a shitload of Others? Yeah, so this was like that, except without the budget or the good acting or writing.
At this point, Simone and Paloma kind of appeared out of nowhere and saw that the good guys were really taking a beating. Simone announced that she knew where they could go to get help. And then we had one of the funniest scenes I've seen on this show since, well, ever.
Simone and Paloma walked into a bar. Melissa Etheridge was playing ("I'm the Only One"). There was a huge rainbow flag on prominent display. A woman came out. She was tough, scary, and butch. Or rather, she acted tough, scary, and butch, and she was wearing the official tough-scary-butch uniform (a gray wifebeater), but she was also wearing seventeen pounds of makeup and an attractive blonde bob. By the way, this woman is clearly American, despite the fact that we are in Rome.
NotButch wanted to know what these two bubbleheaded (and bobbleheaded) girls were doing in her bar. Simone decided to demonstrate by planting a huge kiss on an unsuspecting Paloma, leading NotButch to say what I was thinking, namely, "You could have just said you were gay." Paloma apparently agreed, as she quickly clarified that she ain't the gay one. Anyway, apparently this is a superhero lesbian bar, and here's how it works. If you are a lesbian, and you have an approved problem, they will help you. It's like having your own personal bat-signal. Or, actually, it's more like going to your embassy for help. You know how if you're in Spain, and you get mugged or arrested or something, you go to the American Embassy and ask for help? Well, Simone visited the Lesbian Embassy in Rome to request lesbian citizens' assistance.
Um, I like you too?
When NotButch found out that Simone's problem was with Alistair Crane, she became supportive, because apparently Alistair is world-famous for his homophobia. She called him a "hateful old breeder," and she yelled into the back room for a team to come out and help this "sister" who needs Alistair's butt kicked. And then ... a whole bunch of lesbians came pouring out of the back room. Some of them are supposed to look butch. Some of them are supposed to look femme. Some of them are hanging all over each other. And all of them set out in mob formation to kick some Crane ass.
Here we come to save the day!
Back at the plaza on Friday, the fistfight is in full swing when Alistair hears the lesbians approach. We hear loud marching, military-style; I have to assume this is the sound of their Doc Martens. Alistair mutters to Beth that if that's who he thinks it is, he's in real big trouble. The lesbians enter to much fanfare. The big one in front is carrying a big wrench. Simone holds up a feathery fan and says "Sic 'em, sisters," and the lesbians shriek and rush into the fray wielding various club-type implements. You might think I'm making this whole thing up, but really, I never could.
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Comments (7)
"The lesbians have turned the tide." Hahaha...BRILLIANT.
Well done as usual, Amanda.
1 of 7 | Posted by TheEmancipationofGigi
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Posted on July 5, 2006 4:44 AM
Bwah! Greatest Passions recap evah!
2 of 7 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 5, 2006 8:00 AM
Really funny recap! I have been reading them and not watching the show. I think I am now going to have to watch the show to get the full effect. it sounds hilarious!
3 of 7 | Posted by OD-TV
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Posted on July 5, 2006 1:56 PM
Whitney could not get her dress off fast enough when she heard that she and Chad are not related. They find out, next scene, he's pounding her. Hysterical.
In one night, Fancy has been poisoned, beat up, been in an earthquake and a rock hit her in the face. Yet, she has no bruises, and her makeup and outfit are flawless. I love daytime TV!
KH
4 of 7 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on July 5, 2006 4:08 PM
The recaps are great. I never thought things could get more ridiculous than the portal to hell in Charity's closet from years back, but after seeing the lesbian fight I know I was wrong. Anybody remember the good old days when Alistair was only heard and not seen? Those were the days.
5 of 7 | Posted by BlueAspic
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Posted on July 5, 2006 9:08 PM
6 of 7 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 6, 2006 4:50 AM
Oh, this show is so, so bad . . .
7 of 7 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on July 6, 2006 9:18 AM