Beth wants Alistair to help her escape before Luis gets back. He tells her that he does have one option available - he is holding a little button in his hand, and if he pushes it, the whole plaza will blow up. Of course, this will suck for Alistair and Beth just as much as for everybody else, but at least they won't go to jail. Beth isn't really down with this idea, but Alistair gets ready to push the button anyway. Luis reappears and tells everybody that he just got off the phone with Interpol, and they're on their way. Beth grabs him and tells him that she'll see him in heaven, just as Alistair presses the button.
Post-explosion, everyone is lying on the Styrofoam and coughing. Apparently, Alistair's button just set off a smoke bomb, and it provided enough cover for Alistair and Beth to get away. Seems kind of mean that Alistair told Beth they were all going to die. Anyway, Luis is super-pissed that Alistair and Beth are gone, but Fancy is glad her grandfather got away, and she and Noah bicker about that.
Tabby checks out Siren in the Pensieve. She explains to Endora that Siren is about to use her siren song to lure Fox in, and that this mermaid magic may be too powerful for them to counteract. Siren starts singing. Fox promptly drops his toothbrush into the sink and zombie walks toward Siren's bedroom, slack-jawed and bumping into doors and walls all along the way. To me, the actor appears to be in his element for the first time ever. Siren shoots trippy green lights out of her finger, and Fox is sucked in. Tabby and Endora watch. Adorably, somebody has crammed a lollipop into Endora's mouth to keep the actress quiet. Siren dispatches Fox into the bedroom and tells Tabitha she can't be stopped; then she follows him in.
Put a sock in it, kid.
Alistair broadcasts an evil laugh into the plaza. I'm not sure whether this is supposed to be a recording that he planted earlier, or he's got a speaker planted somewhere. He tells Luis that he'll never see Marty again and he'll never get Sheridan back.
Theresa tells J.T. that she has the power of God on her side. She explains that the nun told her she would receive information today that would bind her and Ethan together forever. For some reason, J.T. doesn't feel like giving her the information she has been demanding all along; he decides to give her some different information instead. Apparently, Chad's birth certificate wasn't the only paternity nugget J.T. was carrying around with him. He has another one, and he claims that not even Alistair knows this: Ethan, not Julian, is Little Ethan's real father. And another years-long Passions mystery is unceremoniously wrapped up with zero pomp and circumstance. It strikes me that this is a pretty good day for Julian. He's down two illegitimate kids since this morning. If I'm counting correctly, he only has one left (Endora).
Chad and Whitney go back to the hotel for some sweet, sweet non-incestuous loving.
Hey, this reminds me of that time when we thought we were brother and sister, but we did this anyway! Good times, good times.
That's it for Friday, but there were a couple of other things that happened earlier in the week. One, Jessica horrified her friends and brother by confirming that she is now married to Spike and has no intention of changing her mind about it. What they don't know is that she married him so that he can't testify against her in the string of john killings back in Harmony, which Spike says she committed, although she can't remember anything except having blood on her hands.
Two, T.C. got wasted and crashed his car. Yeah, I didn't know he was still on the show either. The timing of this was really rough, because Rebecca had just agreed to give Julian a divorce, after years of refusals. Julian and Eve had about three minutes of happily thinking they could get married now, and then Eve got word of T.C.'s critical condition and had to go rushing to her ex-husband's bedside. There was even a long montage of Eve and T.C.'s happy memories together, underlining the fact that she will never marry Julian now because she's too worried about T.C. To be honest, it was kind of cool to see a network show produce an extended romantic flashback montage devoted to a middle-aged black couple - even if it was only Passions.
Previews: Edna and Norma perform some sort of musical revue. Tabby demands that Kay decide which guy she really loves. J.T. repeats that Ethan is Little Ethan's father.
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Comments (7)
"The lesbians have turned the tide." Hahaha...BRILLIANT.
Well done as usual, Amanda.
1 of 7 | Posted by TheEmancipationofGigi
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Posted on July 5, 2006 4:44 AM
Bwah! Greatest Passions recap evah!
2 of 7 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 5, 2006 8:00 AM
Really funny recap! I have been reading them and not watching the show. I think I am now going to have to watch the show to get the full effect. it sounds hilarious!
3 of 7 | Posted by OD-TV
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Posted on July 5, 2006 1:56 PM
Whitney could not get her dress off fast enough when she heard that she and Chad are not related. They find out, next scene, he's pounding her. Hysterical.
In one night, Fancy has been poisoned, beat up, been in an earthquake and a rock hit her in the face. Yet, she has no bruises, and her makeup and outfit are flawless. I love daytime TV!
KH
4 of 7 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on July 5, 2006 4:08 PM
The recaps are great. I never thought things could get more ridiculous than the portal to hell in Charity's closet from years back, but after seeing the lesbian fight I know I was wrong. Anybody remember the good old days when Alistair was only heard and not seen? Those were the days.
5 of 7 | Posted by BlueAspic
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Posted on July 5, 2006 9:08 PM
6 of 7 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 6, 2006 4:50 AM
Oh, this show is so, so bad . . .
7 of 7 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on July 6, 2006 9:18 AM