After the commercial, we go back to the Dunceketeers, who decide they want to take a carriage ride through the city. Huh - apparently they are supposed to be outside, although you could've fooled me. For one thing, there are almost no people around, even though they're in the middle of some kind of piazza. Come on, Passions, couldn't you at least hire a few more non-speaking extras and dub in some traffic noise or something? How much would that really cost?
They meet a horse-and-carriage guy, who hilariously has no horse. Horses cost too much, so this scene is shot from an angle where you will just have to imagine the horse.
No, really, I swear I have a horse. It's, uh, right over here....
Simone approaches the guy by saying, "Hi, my Italian is terrible, but are you ... for ... hire?" And she waves her hand up in the air. I think she's signing "higher." That should clear that language barrier right up. Of course, the guy speaks English, and he takes them for a ride, and we see again that EvilMonk is following them.
Noah is still suspicious of Lena and searching her hotel room to see if she's hiding any accomplices. He opens the closet where Spike is hiring, but he doesn't see him, because Spike is suspended from the ceiling, Spiderman-style!
Ew - looks like he might find him when sweat starts dripping from the closet ceiling.
Sheridan talks to Luis's picture some more. She wishes she had waited one more day before marrying Chris. Because, you see, then Luis would have returned from the dead while she was still a single woman. I hate it when that happens.
Luis goes off to buy Fancy a drink, and she starts dancing with some greasy Italian. He talks to himself about how he doesn't like that because it isn't safe. Beth is watching her, too, and calls her a slut, and caresses her scissors some more.
Ethan (still the Ribwich version) is looking for Theresa, "outside" on the "piazza."
"Rib" is wondering why there's a Vespa in the middle of this hotel lobby.
He does a little good old-fashioned soliloquizing. "I can't believe that she left the club with this guy! I mean, she doesn't know anything about him, let alone that he's the tabloid editor that she's been trying to track down ever since she heard he was in Rome. How the hell am I gonna tell her if I can't even find her?" For some reason, his loud, nonsensical ramblings don't lead to an arrest for vagrancy.
J.T. Cornell is totally planning to roofie Theresa, "to put her in the mood," as he says. These people don't even quit narrating their actions when they're in the process of committing a secret violent felony against a person standing ten feet away. Theresa tastes her roofied drink, but it's disgusting, so she only has a tiny sip. She's torn between staying and going home, but J.T. convinces her to come out on the balcony. She oohs and aahs over his view. Of course, we don't get to see the view for ourselves, but for once the show makes a small effort and we get some cricket noises to signify outdoors-ness.
On the balcony, J.T. starts trying to make his move. Theresa tries to turn him down politely, saying she doesn't know him at all, so he starts "giving her his resume," if you know what I mean. No, really, he says that. He tells her, "In a previous life, I was a damn good newspaperman." She says, "A reporter, huh?" He gets all cocky, and he's like, "In the beginning, but I got promoted to edit-or." He says this like he's bragging about being a racecar driver or a movie star.
Editors of the world, rise up!
Theresa notes the coincidence, since she is looking for a particular editor herself. Then we see that J.T. has a framed photo of himself and Rebecca on his coffee table - which Theresa hasn't noticed. Oh, and in the photo, they're in bed. Um. Who frames (or even takes) this type of photo and displays it in their living room? For that matter, who goes to this much trouble to commemorate an affair they had twenty years ago?
Ah, memories. Sweet memories.
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Comments (8)
The wife of the actor who plays Ethan just had twins so they granted him a fatherhood vacation of a few weeks ...
Always come to Dorian for idiotic soap trivia ;-)
1 of 8 | Posted by doriangz
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Posted on May 29, 2006 1:37 PM
I don't know why, but I watched Friday's episode.
Luis's punch was the most bizarre scene.
And why are the streets of Rome so deserted? the 3 girls can ride a stupid horse carriage (that never moved, by the way) and it's dead enough on the streets for a greasy pimp to grab Jess and not be seen. WTF
2 of 8 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on May 29, 2006 4:49 PM
I watched the first few episodes of Passions when SciFi started showing them. The carnival was so completely different than present-day Passions. The actors were actually outdoors (natural sunlight!) and there were dozens of extras milling about.
This whole jaunt to Rome just shows how far the ratings (and therefore the budget) of the show have plummeted.
It's nice to get some new scenery (I mean, the Crane "mansion" has like four rooms) but they could definitely use a bit more life.
3 of 8 | Posted by veggio
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Posted on May 29, 2006 7:14 PM
McRib... Ribwich... HA HA HA! LOVE IT! I don't watch Passions much anymore (work gets in the way...crap) but ohmygod, like, I totally remember all the characters. Thanks for keeping my passion alive. ;)
4 of 8 | Posted by GirafficPark
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Posted on May 29, 2006 9:13 PM
Hee hee - the glory "Days" of the '80s (I remember Lawrence Alamain, too!) was why asked if they were really in Rome! I loved when they actually shot on location. Ah, back when soaps were . . . well, I was going to say "good," but . . .
And why the hell would there have even BEEN a photographer in what's-their-names' bedroom to TAKE that freakin' picture to begin with????
I really may have to start watching this. It's so cheesy it's addicting.
5 of 8 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on May 30, 2006 5:51 AM
What is this?!? A mexicanized American soap-opera. Man, I gotta watch this train wreck.
6 of 8 | Posted by milostea
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Posted on May 30, 2006 1:30 PM
I'm a total novice to the Passions wacky universe but thanks to your 2 posts I already feel confident enough to laugh along like a pro. I'm not a soap fan but I've seen the promos for Passions through the years and I've always wanted to watch it because it looked so deliciously ludicrous. I can't watch it during the day and recording it was never an option because I'd have to look myself in the mirror and admit I just made an effort to see Passions. That's just unacceptable, so your recaps provide the perfect escape clause.
The thing I like most about the show is that it's clear the creators have just given up on any semblance of believability or quality. The know it's crap, we know it's crap. The show is now firmly nestled in the realm of so-bad-it's-good. Now that I'm caught up I may just have to bite the bullet and start recording it. If the show is even half as awful as the promos and the recaps make it out to be then it is a definite contender for best comedy of TV, a title currently held by Family Guy.
The recaps are hilarious. You're doing a great job on them, thanks for the guffaws.
7 of 8 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on May 31, 2006 3:57 PM
You know, I LOVE the new Julian but I do miss all of his and Rebecca's crazy sexual escapades. Of course, the one with Rebecca and the donkey was a little creepy, made creepier by the fact they still make reference to her visiting the donkey now and then. They need a new boyfriend for Rebecca just so she can dress up and seduce someone again. I dare say it was comedy gold. TC Russel seems to love crazy women these days, I'd love to see Rage-aholic Coach Russel and Rebecca the slut go at it!
8 of 8 | Posted by squeegie
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Posted on June 1, 2006 9:09 AM