J.T. starts to brag about the scandalous stories he broke back in the day. He tells her that one of them involved "one of the wealthiest families in the Northeast." Theresa's radar starts to ping, and she asks him which family. He says, "Oh, you'd know the name, all right, but I'm not gonna name names. I'm gonna protect my sources in case I ever get back in that game."
Hang on a second. He's talking about a story that was huge news several years ago. Dude - what do you mean, you aren't going to name names? The whole thing was already on the front page! Theresa's not asking for sources - she's just asking to know the part that was ALREADY IN THE PAPER.
This guy needs to brush up on his Journalism 101.
Theresa is not sharp enough to point out this flaw in J.T.'s reasoning, so she asks him for some hints about the subject matter. He decides there would be no harm in that (you think?), so he tells her that he called the story "Paternity-gate." Ooh, catchy name. This pings Theresa's radar even louder.
J.T. fills in more details, enough to make it totally clear to Theresa that he's talking about Ethan and the Cranes. (Also, enough so that anyone who remembered reading this supposedly front-page story would know exactly what he was talking about - so much for "protecting his sources.") Michael Sabatino does a really good job of acting comically drunker and drunker.
Luis and Fancy are back in Fancy's room, and they're still bickering. I guess this is the show's attempt at building Moonlighting-style romantic chemistry. Next! They do manage to make me laugh by chugging some nice stiff drinks poured from a crystal decanter in their room.
See? Even the good guys do it.
Luis goes into the bathroom and calls Sheridan. He tells her that he briefly saw Beth and Marty, and Marty looks fine, but they got away. Luis rambles on about their future together and Sheridan tries to deflect him.
And just on the other side of the door, Beth is sneaking into the room where Fancy lies in bed, already asleep. You just know she has those scissors ready to go.
Remember the three idiot girls taking the carriage ride around Rome? Well, the carriage is totally silent and motionless, as is the scenery, and the driver seems to have vanished too, but the girls are having a great time anyway. Paloma blah blahs about how romantic Rome is and how she always wanted to experience it with the man of her dreams. Simone takes the opportunity to remind us that she is a lesbian, and is hoping to find the girl of her dreams in Rome. The Dunceketeers all giggle.
(Oh, and thanks for the reminder, Passions. It is, in fact, pretty hard to remember that Simone is a lesbian, since she never has a love interest and acts 100 percent identical to her bubbleheaded straight friends. However, if you check out the NBC Passions Vendetta website, you can find little bios of all the characters. For example, Luis's explains about how he's in love with Sheridan, looking for Marty, etc. Whereas Simone's just says, "Simone is a lesbian." Apparently that's her whole life story, so it's nice that they do mention it once every six months or so.)
Is this because I'm a lesbian?
Jessica opines that she, herself, is not meant to find love, what with her recent history as a cheap hooker under Spike's evil influence. Her friends reassure her that she can put it all behind her. Spike lurks in the shadows.
And seriously, y'all, the carriage is not moving. At first I thought it was just a tight shot, to hide the fact that it wasn't really moving, but now we can see that the three of them are sitting in this motionless carriage next to some ruins. What the?
Worst carriage ride ever.
Theresa is still trying to squeeze info out of J.T., but she's kind of made things tougher on herself by drugging him into near-oblivion. In fairness to her, there's no reason to think she knows what he put in her drink or what she thus put back into his.
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Comments (8)
The wife of the actor who plays Ethan just had twins so they granted him a fatherhood vacation of a few weeks ...
Always come to Dorian for idiotic soap trivia ;-)
1 of 8 | Posted by doriangz
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Posted on May 29, 2006 1:37 PM
I don't know why, but I watched Friday's episode.
Luis's punch was the most bizarre scene.
And why are the streets of Rome so deserted? the 3 girls can ride a stupid horse carriage (that never moved, by the way) and it's dead enough on the streets for a greasy pimp to grab Jess and not be seen. WTF
2 of 8 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on May 29, 2006 4:49 PM
I watched the first few episodes of Passions when SciFi started showing them. The carnival was so completely different than present-day Passions. The actors were actually outdoors (natural sunlight!) and there were dozens of extras milling about.
This whole jaunt to Rome just shows how far the ratings (and therefore the budget) of the show have plummeted.
It's nice to get some new scenery (I mean, the Crane "mansion" has like four rooms) but they could definitely use a bit more life.
3 of 8 | Posted by veggio
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Posted on May 29, 2006 7:14 PM
McRib... Ribwich... HA HA HA! LOVE IT! I don't watch Passions much anymore (work gets in the way...crap) but ohmygod, like, I totally remember all the characters. Thanks for keeping my passion alive. ;)
4 of 8 | Posted by GirafficPark
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Posted on May 29, 2006 9:13 PM
Hee hee - the glory "Days" of the '80s (I remember Lawrence Alamain, too!) was why asked if they were really in Rome! I loved when they actually shot on location. Ah, back when soaps were . . . well, I was going to say "good," but . . .
And why the hell would there have even BEEN a photographer in what's-their-names' bedroom to TAKE that freakin' picture to begin with????
I really may have to start watching this. It's so cheesy it's addicting.
5 of 8 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on May 30, 2006 5:51 AM
What is this?!? A mexicanized American soap-opera. Man, I gotta watch this train wreck.
6 of 8 | Posted by milostea
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Posted on May 30, 2006 1:30 PM
I'm a total novice to the Passions wacky universe but thanks to your 2 posts I already feel confident enough to laugh along like a pro. I'm not a soap fan but I've seen the promos for Passions through the years and I've always wanted to watch it because it looked so deliciously ludicrous. I can't watch it during the day and recording it was never an option because I'd have to look myself in the mirror and admit I just made an effort to see Passions. That's just unacceptable, so your recaps provide the perfect escape clause.
The thing I like most about the show is that it's clear the creators have just given up on any semblance of believability or quality. The know it's crap, we know it's crap. The show is now firmly nestled in the realm of so-bad-it's-good. Now that I'm caught up I may just have to bite the bullet and start recording it. If the show is even half as awful as the promos and the recaps make it out to be then it is a definite contender for best comedy of TV, a title currently held by Family Guy.
The recaps are hilarious. You're doing a great job on them, thanks for the guffaws.
7 of 8 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on May 31, 2006 3:57 PM
You know, I LOVE the new Julian but I do miss all of his and Rebecca's crazy sexual escapades. Of course, the one with Rebecca and the donkey was a little creepy, made creepier by the fact they still make reference to her visiting the donkey now and then. They need a new boyfriend for Rebecca just so she can dress up and seduce someone again. I dare say it was comedy gold. TC Russel seems to love crazy women these days, I'd love to see Rage-aholic Coach Russel and Rebecca the slut go at it!
8 of 8 | Posted by squeegie
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Posted on June 1, 2006 9:09 AM