Gwen finally gets Rebecca to put in another call to J.T. And - dun dun DUN! - Rebecca proceeds to leave a message on his machine, with Theresa sitting right there in the living room listening. Theresa recognizes Rebecca's voice right away, and her jaw drops. Really, though, this would have been a more shocking reveal if Theresa hadn't already figured out who J.T. is a few minutes ago. (And remember, she already knows Rebecca and Gwen tipped J.T. to the paternity scandal, so the Rebecca connection is nothing new to her.)
Still, Theresa is excited enough to hyperventilate. At first it looks as if she's hoping Rebecca will leave something incriminating on the answering-machine tape, and maybe she would have, if Theresa didn't proceed to do the dumbest thing ever: She answers the phone, just to rub it in to Rebecca that she's there with J.T. Way to make sure you don't get any EVIDENCE, there, Theresa. She does succeed in sending Gwen and Rebecca into a full-scale panic attack.
Ethan is still conducting a futile search for Theresa among the three or four people crowding the piazza, and he runs into Noah, who's conducting his own futile search for Jess. You know, these three guys - Ethan, Noah, and Luis - are supposed to be so macho and so concerned with protecting all of their helpless womenfolk and making sure nothing bad happens to them, but they don't seem to be able to keep tabs on any of them for more than two minutes at a time.
The Three Dunceketeers finally get out of their abandoned carriage. Paloma and Simone turn their backs on Jess for one minute, and they totally lose her. Spike is holding her gagged and at knifepoint on the other side of the carriage.
Whoops!
Beth, in a blonde wig, delivers a monologue in Fancy's hotel room. Okay, remember what I said earlier, about how these people talk to themselves even when they are plotting a violent crime against someone a few feet away? Well, they even do it when that person is SLEEPING. This particular monologue runs as follows: "Bitch! How dare you try to take Luis away from me and my son! You're gonna pay for this, missy, with your life."
Uh-oh! Just then, Beth hears Luis running water in the bathroom, so she goes over and blocks the bathroom door with a chair. Luis is still in there on the phone with Sheridan, and his crack bodyguarding skills cause him not to bother to check what's going on, even when he hears a weird noise.
Beth continues her monologue, and we see that she has abandoned her scissors in favor of a good old-fashioned pillow-smothering. I guess it's quieter. Her final words of the episode? "Bye-bye, blondie. Say hi to the devil when you get down there for me, okay? 'Cause you're going STRAIGHT TO HELL." She jumps on with the pillow and Fancy starts making "Mmf!" noises.
Gotta love a murder scene with plenty of cleavage.
And ... scene. That's it for today. However, just like last week, I also owe you a wrap-up of the storylines that didn't appear on Friday's show. This time, I decided to save it for the end of the recap instead of putting it up front. And this week, there was really only one storyline that didn't appear on Friday.
That's right, y'all - there was NO mermaid on Friday. And after all of my trash-talking, I kind of missed it. I know you are all clamoring for mermaid news, but not much happened with that this week. After last week's steamy photo shoot wrapped up, they all went out to eat together, and there was some comedy when Siren scarfed some fish out of the aquarium in the restaurant. Nobody saw her, though - at least, no one who wasn't an extra. Then Miguel and Siren made out some more, and Kay was pissed off some more.
Finger-lickin' good.
Contrivance paid a visit (even more than usual) when Miguel confided in Siren that as a boy, he once wrote a description of his ideal woman and threw it into the ocean. On her own time, Siren went looking for it. And Kay was forced to admit to herself, finally, that she really does still have feelings for Miguel. Well, duh.
Previews for next week: Theresa taunts Rebecca on the phone. Luis tells Sheridan that Fancy is safe; meanwhile, Beth pulls the pillow off of an apparently dead Fancy. Miguel tells Kay that she told him to find somebody else to be with, and she confesses she didn't mean it.
See you next week!
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Comments (8)
The wife of the actor who plays Ethan just had twins so they granted him a fatherhood vacation of a few weeks ...
Always come to Dorian for idiotic soap trivia ;-)
1 of 8 | Posted by doriangz
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Posted on May 29, 2006 1:37 PM
I don't know why, but I watched Friday's episode.
Luis's punch was the most bizarre scene.
And why are the streets of Rome so deserted? the 3 girls can ride a stupid horse carriage (that never moved, by the way) and it's dead enough on the streets for a greasy pimp to grab Jess and not be seen. WTF
2 of 8 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on May 29, 2006 4:49 PM
I watched the first few episodes of Passions when SciFi started showing them. The carnival was so completely different than present-day Passions. The actors were actually outdoors (natural sunlight!) and there were dozens of extras milling about.
This whole jaunt to Rome just shows how far the ratings (and therefore the budget) of the show have plummeted.
It's nice to get some new scenery (I mean, the Crane "mansion" has like four rooms) but they could definitely use a bit more life.
3 of 8 | Posted by veggio
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Posted on May 29, 2006 7:14 PM
McRib... Ribwich... HA HA HA! LOVE IT! I don't watch Passions much anymore (work gets in the way...crap) but ohmygod, like, I totally remember all the characters. Thanks for keeping my passion alive. ;)
4 of 8 | Posted by GirafficPark
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Posted on May 29, 2006 9:13 PM
Hee hee - the glory "Days" of the '80s (I remember Lawrence Alamain, too!) was why asked if they were really in Rome! I loved when they actually shot on location. Ah, back when soaps were . . . well, I was going to say "good," but . . .
And why the hell would there have even BEEN a photographer in what's-their-names' bedroom to TAKE that freakin' picture to begin with????
I really may have to start watching this. It's so cheesy it's addicting.
5 of 8 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on May 30, 2006 5:51 AM
What is this?!? A mexicanized American soap-opera. Man, I gotta watch this train wreck.
6 of 8 | Posted by milostea
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Posted on May 30, 2006 1:30 PM
I'm a total novice to the Passions wacky universe but thanks to your 2 posts I already feel confident enough to laugh along like a pro. I'm not a soap fan but I've seen the promos for Passions through the years and I've always wanted to watch it because it looked so deliciously ludicrous. I can't watch it during the day and recording it was never an option because I'd have to look myself in the mirror and admit I just made an effort to see Passions. That's just unacceptable, so your recaps provide the perfect escape clause.
The thing I like most about the show is that it's clear the creators have just given up on any semblance of believability or quality. The know it's crap, we know it's crap. The show is now firmly nestled in the realm of so-bad-it's-good. Now that I'm caught up I may just have to bite the bullet and start recording it. If the show is even half as awful as the promos and the recaps make it out to be then it is a definite contender for best comedy of TV, a title currently held by Family Guy.
The recaps are hilarious. You're doing a great job on them, thanks for the guffaws.
7 of 8 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on May 31, 2006 3:57 PM
You know, I LOVE the new Julian but I do miss all of his and Rebecca's crazy sexual escapades. Of course, the one with Rebecca and the donkey was a little creepy, made creepier by the fact they still make reference to her visiting the donkey now and then. They need a new boyfriend for Rebecca just so she can dress up and seduce someone again. I dare say it was comedy gold. TC Russel seems to love crazy women these days, I'd love to see Rage-aholic Coach Russel and Rebecca the slut go at it!
8 of 8 | Posted by squeegie
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Posted on June 1, 2006 9:09 AM