Anyway, Theresa was convinced by J.T.'s "evidence," and she delightedly ran off and told Whitney. The way she explained it, it sounded like she doesn't understand the basic workings of contraception. She told Whitney, "Yeah, I was on the Pill, but apparently I wasn't on it long enough for it to work." Oh, Theresa. You're right - one day is not long enough. I can dimly remember that when I was eight or nine, I figured that a "birth control pill" (which I had heard about on the news) was probably something like an Alka-Seltzer that you could keep by your bed and just pop before sex. Theresa apparently thinks the same thing, despite not being nine years old, and no one has ever enlightened her. By the way, this woman has been running a multi-billion-dollar international corporation.
Maybe Theresa doesn't know the days of the week?
Theresa's first impulse was to run off and break the happy paternity news to Ethan. However, she has since changed her mind and has no plans to tell him at all. Her change of heart was brought on by an extremely clumsy plot device, whose name I can't remember now, but it might have been "Harvey," so let's call him that. You see, "Harvey" is an old college friend of Ethan's who just happened to run into Ethan, Gwen, Theresa, and Whitney in the piazza. Harvey thanked Ethan for the great advice and then walked away, and Ethan then proceeded to spill Harvey's personal business to everyone assembled. Here is Harvey's tragic tale: He is married to a woman named Missy, who is an old sorority sister of Gwen's. Missy is unable to get pregnant. This placed strain on the marriage, and Harvey cheated on Missy and got another woman pregnant. The other woman now wants Harvey to leave his wife for her and be a full-time dad to his bastard son. She is threatening to cut off his visitation rights if he does not comply.
After Ethan told this story, Theresa demanded to know if Ethan had done the right thing and instructed Harvey to dump his wife, stat, in order to "be a family" with his babymama. Meanwhile, Gwen demanded to know if Ethan had done the right thing and instructed Harvey to stay with his wife, while suing that hussy of an other woman for joint custody. Of course, Ethan confirmed that he had recommended the latter course of action.
Suddenly Theresa realized what she should have realized from Minute One of this storyline: Once Ethan and Gwen know that Little Ethan is Ethan's, they are going to try to get joint custody, at an absolute minimum. The fact that Theresa didn't think of this until Harvey popped up just proves that she has rocks in her head. Remember, Ethan and Gwen are already raising Theresa's daughter Jane, and in the past, Rebecca managed to get Little Ethan away from Theresa and give him to Gwen to raise temporarily. These people have a real track record of wanting to take Theresa's kids. Wisely, she finally remembered this and decided to keep her mouth shut.
Now that that's been decided, Theresa is turning her attention back to the part of the e-mail that said that someone from Harmony would die. Theresa and Whitney have already considered the possibility that this referred to Noah's ex, Maya, who died a few weeks ago when she pitched over a balcony during a lightning storm/earthquake. However, Theresa doesn't think that the e-mail was referring to Maya, because Maya was never a main cast member. I mean, because Maya had spent some time living away from Harmony, so maybe she wasn't "from Harmony" enough to satisfy the terms of the e-mail. Whatever.
Chad sits down with Theresa and Whitney to parse the e-mail, which Theresa is now irrationally convinced is about Ethan. By the way, Whitney is permanently back to sporting her old '80s hairstyle; her nun days are but a distant memory. I guess she and Chad are really relaxed and happy now from all the suddenly non-incestuous sex they've been having, but thankfully, we haven't had to see them make out since the end of my last recap. Chad lets Theresa borrow his cell phone so that she can harass, I mean warn, Ethan that he's possibly about to die. Cut to Ethan and Gwen getting hot and heavy in their hotel room. Ethan ignores the ringing phone, causing Theresa to conclude that he may already be dead.
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Comments (5)
I just love to hate, and make fun of this show. It provides more entertainment and comedy than any sitcom, ever!
A lot of the actors on this show look like animals, for example:
Theresa - Monkey
Katherine - Goat
Noah - Horse
I find it hard to believe that Martin had actual sex with that old goat Katherine. She's at least 65 and Martin is supposed to be mid 40s. A few months back, goat woman showed up at Martin's naked. How scary would that be?
This show should be on Prime Time!
KH
1 of 5 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on July 19, 2006 1:58 PM
Eve was the one that insisted that Theresa was pregnant with Julian's child. Theresa told her that she'd had sex with Ethan and believed that Ethan was the father but Eve the DOCTOR told her that because she was on the pill it was Julian's. Both Theresa and Ethan questioned Eve about it but she insisted that the baby couldn't be Ethan's.
Dumb all round.
2 of 5 | Posted by Jyoti
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Posted on July 19, 2006 2:01 PM
Hahahahahaha
the comment about the passions actors looking like animals totally reminded me that me and my sisters used to say the same thing! Sam is a dinosaur...maybe that doesn't really qualify as an animal but still, and if anyone used to watch the show and remembers charity...she totally looked like a mouse.
nice recap, the part about God saying, "yeah you guys are still gross" actually made me laugh out loud, great job
3 of 5 | Posted by Katella
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Posted on July 19, 2006 6:31 PM
Yay - finally a recap! :)
Theresa has a daughter as well?? Wow, I've been away from this show longer than I thought. Who fathered the daughter? And why do Gwen and Ethan have her?
4 of 5 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on July 20, 2006 5:50 AM
This:
followed by this caption:is too funny for words. Great recap!
5 of 5 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on July 20, 2006 6:14 AM