Eve and Simone schlep T.C. into a wheelchair. Man, I am already so tired of this storyline. Simone encourages Eve to go to the benefit with Julian, but she refuses, even after Julian tells her that he really needs to spend an evening with her. Eve says that they need to avoid upsetting T.C.; he'll be upset if Crane-hired doctors take care of him instead of Eve doing it herself. Gee, this "do not upset the patient" medical advice from Eve sounds awfully familiar - it's the same as her prescription for Kay. She must have gone to Stewart Smalley Medical School.
Little Ethan comes up to bat with the game on the line. Kay and Whitney are pumped up and cheering for him, but Theresa is distracted with her Blackberry. I start staggering around from being whacked over the head with this expository anvil. Of course, we don't see the actual baseball diamond; all we see are some really low-rent bleachers and people cheering at nothing, and then a cut to a totally isolated Little Ethan in the batter's box. Theresa does start to pay attention before it's too late, and Little Ethan hits a game-winning inside-the-park homer. Ethan is very proud, and Gwen points out that Little Ethan runs just like Big Ethan. Whitney looks guilty when she hears this comment.
Attention Crane Industries shareholders: Sell now!
Meanwhile, Luis is advising Fancy as to the quickest, easiest way to get bailed out and not have to actually go to jail. She, however, is scheming inside her head about how she doesn't really want to get bailed out, because she wants to spend more time with Luis. So she has completely surrendered to the Luis Love Train. Lame.
Luis and Fancy buy some lemonade from James, which allows Luis to make Sheridan jealous by feeding Fancy the lemonade since she can't use her hands. Then Luis and Fancy leave, and Sheridan tells James that his lemonade stand is probably exactly like how Donald Trump got started. James does a lame "You're fired" impression. Go, NBC synergy!
Can't you just feel the sexy waves of sexy sexiness?
A really dorky cheeseball extra comes over to invite Little Ethan out for pizza and introduce some more contrived sexism garbage, as follows: The lame extra's daughter asks Miguel (who is apparently the coach) if she can move from the outfield to third base. Miguel says that "Greg" is already doing a great job at third, but the little girl can try it for three innings next game. After the extras leave with Little E, Jared says that this is a perfect illustration of why boys and girls shouldn't be on the same tee-ball team. Er, Jared, it's TEE-BALL. I think the show has crossed the line with this Jared character; instead of "fun sparring partner," he's now squarely into "sexist asshole" territory. If they want us to pull for him and Theresa, they had better dial it down a notch.
Theresa is an idiot too, though, and so she challenges Jared to a Battle of the Sexes baseball game. Oh, yeah, that's going to be a great way to make your point, Billie Jean King. Theresa says women can do anything men can do, only better. Yeah, Theresa, especially BASEBALL. Give me a freaking break. But then Jared says a bunch of crap about how women should stay home while men go out hunting. He ends up riling up the other women, not just Theresa. So the teams are Theresa, Gwen, Whitney, Kay, and Siren against Jared, Ethan, Chad, Fox, and Miguel. Oh, this should be good.
Luis and Fancy finally arrive at the police station, and he un-cuffs her. She pretends she has bruises to get him to touch her, but she's totally lying. She makes small talk about Little Ethan's game, which gets Luis started on Marty. Then Fancy feels guilty about reminding him. Oh, yeah, we wouldn't want to make him REMEMBER that his son just got killed a few days ago. Of course, they don't even end up talking about Marty at all, but about Luis losing Sheridan and whether or when he'll find love again. These people are so crazy self-centered.
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Comments (5)
I really love these recaps you do on Passions. Keep up the good work!
1 of 5 | Posted by Heidi's Ass
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Posted on August 3, 2006 10:33 AM
These Passions recaps are hilarious. I haven't watched the show in about 2 years (pretty much when Sheridan escaped the "pit" where she was tortured for about 7 months) but the recaps are probably better than the real show! Love them, keep em coming :)
2 of 5 | Posted by lipstickvogue
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Posted on August 3, 2006 12:21 PM
You are pretty close on the recap of how Theresa had Jane and lost custody. She did chloroform the the surrogate and become implanted herself. However, then she had some bleeding and believed she lost the baby. She thought the only way she could get Little Ethan back from Gwen was to trade their baby for him so she put on a blonde wig and Gwen's "signature" perfume and drugged Ethan and slept with him. Turns out she never lost the baby but in a medical mystery she was ovulating even though she was preggo with Gwen and Ethan's baby and she got knocked up by him herself. Sooo turns out Theresa is carrying twins... THEN Theresa gets sick and they determine that she cannot carry twins to term for some reason and she'll either have to risk having both and losing both or even her own life or sacrifice one baby to save the other. First, Theresa thinks that she'll do no such thing becuase they're BOTH hers and she is against abortion. Then she realizes one could be Gwen's and one could be hers and so she decides she just wants to keep the one that is hers - seriously people, she's a saint, huh? SOOO Theresa decides to risk it, and if I'm not mistaken there was a point when she tried to determine which fetus belonged to which mother, but I'm fairly sure she then just took a risk hoping she got rid of Gwen's kid... Anyway, Gwen thought Theresa actually just went along with her request to abort one of Gwen's kids and then in the end the baby was born and Theresa yelled "It's mine!" Then, Gwen went crazy and tried to kill Theresa (something about some drugs she was on making her psychotic) and then Theresa opted to press charges, Gwen got off becuase of the crazy drugs defense, and then Gwen and Ethan decided to take custody of Jane. Because, you know, she was better off with the crazy woman who tried to kill her biological mom - but whatev! And there we have the saga of Jane...
3 of 5 | Posted by JaxMcG
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Posted on August 3, 2006 12:21 PM
...this is the first time I've heard this about Theresa and Kay. This is the first I'd heard of Theresa doing anything but wanting to be a designer or fashion magnate, but Kay is ALWAYS talking about her and Miguel "won the championship" and other memorials from their days in High School Softball/Baseball.....whatever. Like any of them weigh enough to hold a bat, much less swing it hard enough to get the ball anywhere.
4 of 5 | Posted by jennae
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Posted on August 3, 2006 6:39 PM
Another excellent recap. Crap, I can't believe that I missed Ethan shirtless. Thanks for the Passions fix.
5 of 5 | Posted by bdos88
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Posted on August 5, 2006 4:42 PM