Time for a brand spankin' new Passions recap, and it's only been a week since my last one. Now you all can finally get a sense of how little actually happens on this show when the characters aren't gallivanting around Rome. Remember, a week of Passions is five entire hours of television - yet this amount of action could probably have been crammed into twenty minutes. Here goes.
We open in completely random fashion, with Paloma standing on the dock talking to some Mexican nerd. Seriously, with his dorky parted hair and striped shirt, I almost expect him to start spouting theorems while spraying saliva and pushing his glasses up his nose. We quickly learn that his name is Roberto and he knows Paloma from, well, Mexico, where she spent most of her life. Apparently, she's been telling him how bored she is in Harmony, especially after all the excitement she lived through in Rome. I feel you, sister. Roberto has a great idea for a solution: He gets down on one knee and proposes to Paloma. He wants to take her back to Mexico. I guess she is getting a hasty write-off due to those Passions budget cuts we've heard so much about. I can't say that any storylines will suffer as a result. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Paloma.
I want to marry you, Paloma, I must say. Say yes or I'll go totally mental.
Cut to Siren, who is admiring herself in the mirror. Now, Siren had a productive week. Specifically, she finally got Fox to have sex with her (by enchanting him with her Siren Song), which means that he is now under the Mermaid's Curse and can never have sex with a mortal woman again. Bummer. And his timing is really awful, too, because the very same night that Fox did the deed with Siren, Kay just happened to get her memory back. Actually, Endora made her get it back with some kind of spell, of which I didn't catch the details. Anyway, Kay snapped out of it and was freaked out to find herself in bed with Miguel. She put on some clothes and went storming down the hall to the other bedroom, where she found Fox enjoying a tasty post-coital cigarette with Siren. Okay, I made up the part about the cigarette, but the rest of it really happened.
Fox was really groggy and confused and couldn't quite figure out what he was doing in bed with Siren. Kay's brain was all fuzzy too, at first, but then she started to remember everything, and Miguel and Fox explained the rest. She was sort of mad that they all lied to her and played along with her pseudo-amnesia, and she was even madder at Miguel for having sex with her in that condition, but pretty soon she forgot about all of her other reasons for being mad when she realized that Fox had just cheated on her. Oh yeah, and she wanted to kill Siren.
Right now, Siren is alone in her bedroom and she is gloating (out loud, of course) about how great Fox was in bed, and how getting laid is really good for a girl, and she hasn't had that much fun since that naughty weekend with Shamu. Uh, gross? She giggles to herself about how Fox feels so guilty about cheating on Kay, because he doesn't understand that he was bewitched into doing it. Fox has told Siren to get the hell out of his bedroom and his life, but she doesn't care; she's lost interest in him already and is currently planning to sleep with Miguel next. Oh wow, I hope Siren gets pregnant with a half-human baby and there's a whole paternity storyline with Fox and Miguel, since she's planning on doing them both in the same night. That would be the best.
Mermaids LOVE doing two guys in one night. I wonder how this information got left out of the Disney movie?
Miguel is walking around down by the docks feeling bad about his life. He has finally figured out that he's in love with Kay, but now that she's remembered being engaged to Fox, he doesn't have a chance with her. Ah, Miguel, just wait until you find out about the curse Fox is under. This is another storyline I'm looking forward to - Fox repeatedly tries to have sex with his fiancée Kay, but he can't get it up because of the Mermaid's Curse. Yeah, that has potential. No pun intended.
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Comments (9)
"God, I HATE it when I get amnesia and accidentally sleep with my babydaddy, and then in the meantime, my boyfriend gets seduced by a mermaid. That is so freaking ANNOYING."
One of the funniest captions EVER.
1 of 9 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on August 7, 2006 8:02 PM
2 of 9 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 8, 2006 4:16 AM
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better: the Harmony tsunami!!! You gotta tell us about this!!!
3 of 9 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on August 8, 2006 5:36 AM
I'm lame and started recording all the episodes. This show is just so horrendously bad, I couldn't help not watch.
I need to mention how Kay, Tabitha, Endora, Fox, Miguel, Jessica, Spike, Sam and Ivy all live in one house together. Didn't Tabitha's house magically rebuild itself a few weeks ago after a fire burned it down, yet she still hasn't moved back? The budget strikes back.
I'm also always laughing at the gratuitous shots of the whole male cast always going around shirtless no matter where they are: restaurants, little kid's teeball games, jail.
And Ethan is dull dull dull. He used to be somewhat interesting, now he's just a jealous tool.
4 of 9 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on August 8, 2006 10:59 AM
Thanks for reading, y'all. I just want to respond to the comment above about everybody all living in one house. They *did* all live in one house for a day or two, and I thought the same thing as you - that the show had eliminated the second house to save on the budget. But then Endora conjured some cartoon worker bees to rebuild Tabby's house after the fire, and now they live in two separate houses (next door) again.
As for the tsunami - I don't remember it all that well, but I will try to post something about it in my next recap!
5 of 9 | Posted by Amanda
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Posted on August 8, 2006 11:32 AM
tikilights- I also get a kick out of the guys running around without their shirts. You should check out www.myspace.com/nbcdaytime for some nice pics of the guys. Unfortunately they're wearing shirts.
Amanda- I have a suggestion. Why not do a guys not wearing a shirt count with each weeks post? I think that would be pretty funny.
6 of 9 | Posted by Rachey
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Posted on August 8, 2006 11:52 AM
It was a tsunami and an earthquake! It was accidently caused by Endora. No one important died, and nothing really changed any of the story lines, Simone returned as a lesbian, Chris appeared to find his kid, and Sheridan had a job running the Harmony Bed & Breakfast. It was classic Passions overall though.
In one funny scene, that old battleaxe Katherine was drowning, and she jumped onto a coffin that was floating by, which happened to be the coffin of her presumed dead sister. The coffin opened up in Pilar's living room, with a skeleton wearing a necklace! Later, we discovered she (Rachel) was not dead.
KH
7 of 9 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on August 8, 2006 4:41 PM
The tsunami plot really was classic Passions. I mean it doesn't beat Ivy and Sam's house getting sucked into hell but it was pretty great.
My personal favorite scene of the Tsunami was when (and correct me if I'm wrong) Edna, Beth's crazy mom, "surfed" her way to safety on some sign that she saw floating by... At that point Edna had a young body that she'd made Tabitha give her when she found out that Tabby and Endora were witches. Seriously, the sight of the woman who normally wears adult diapers and talks about it surfing her way to safety during a Tsunami was priceless... makes every crappy episode last week totally worth it.
8 of 9 | Posted by JaxMcG
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Posted on August 9, 2006 6:35 AM
Worker bees rebuilt their house? Huh?
9 of 9 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 11, 2006 10:22 AM