The Mermaid Gets Laid - 
by Amanda
Time for a brand spankin' new Passions recap, and it's only been a week since my last one. Now you all can finally get a sense of how little actually happens on this show when the characters aren't gallivanting around Rome. Remember, a week of Passions is five entire hours of television - yet this amount of action could probably have been crammed into twenty minutes. Here goes.
We open in completely random fashion, with Paloma standing on the dock talking to some Mexican nerd. Seriously, with his dorky parted hair and striped shirt, I almost expect him to start spouting theorems while spraying saliva and pushing his glasses up his nose. We quickly learn that his name is Roberto and he knows Paloma from, well, Mexico, where she spent most of her life. Apparently, she's been telling him how bored she is in Harmony, especially after all the excitement she lived through in Rome. I feel you, sister. Roberto has a great idea for a solution: He gets down on one knee and proposes to Paloma. He wants to take her back to Mexico. I guess she is getting a hasty write-off due to those Passions budget cuts we've heard so much about. I can't say that any storylines will suffer as a result. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, Paloma.
I want to marry you, Paloma, I must say. Say yes or I'll go totally mental.
Cut to Siren, who is admiring herself in the mirror. Now, Siren had a productive week. Specifically, she finally got Fox to have sex with her (by enchanting him with her Siren Song), which means that he is now under the Mermaid's Curse and can never have sex with a mortal woman again. Bummer. And his timing is really awful, too, because the very same night that Fox did the deed with Siren, Kay just happened to get her memory back. Actually, Endora made her get it back with some kind of spell, of which I didn't catch the details. Anyway, Kay snapped out of it and was freaked out to find herself in bed with Miguel. She put on some clothes and went storming down the hall to the other bedroom, where she found Fox enjoying a tasty post-coital cigarette with Siren. Okay, I made up the part about the cigarette, but the rest of it really happened.
Fox was really groggy and confused and couldn't quite figure out what he was doing in bed with Siren. Kay's brain was all fuzzy too, at first, but then she started to remember everything, and Miguel and Fox explained the rest. She was sort of mad that they all lied to her and played along with her pseudo-amnesia, and she was even madder at Miguel for having sex with her in that condition, but pretty soon she forgot about all of her other reasons for being mad when she realized that Fox had just cheated on her. Oh yeah, and she wanted to kill Siren.
Right now, Siren is alone in her bedroom and she is gloating (out loud, of course) about how great Fox was in bed, and how getting laid is really good for a girl, and she hasn't had that much fun since that naughty weekend with Shamu. Uh, gross? She giggles to herself about how Fox feels so guilty about cheating on Kay, because he doesn't understand that he was bewitched into doing it. Fox has told Siren to get the hell out of his bedroom and his life, but she doesn't care; she's lost interest in him already and is currently planning to sleep with Miguel next. Oh wow, I hope Siren gets pregnant with a half-human baby and there's a whole paternity storyline with Fox and Miguel, since she's planning on doing them both in the same night. That would be the best.
Mermaids LOVE doing two guys in one night. I wonder how this information got left out of the Disney movie?
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