Theresa is making out with her new boyfriend Jared. Actually, he's just planted their very first kiss, right after their first date, which was the lobster dinner that he owed her from the baseball game. Right, so when she got hit in the head with that baseball last week, she really wasn't hurt (duh), and of course the women won the game, and so Jared and Chad took Theresa and Whitney out to the Lobster Shack. Jared still doesn't know that Theresa is the Crane CEO - he thinks she's a struggling working-class single mom who makes her own clothes. There was a running gag this week about him thinking that she made her own dress because it was so ugly, when it was really some couture piece she bought in Paris or something. And it really was ugly - it was a gold lamé caftan, so Theresa deserved what she got in all matters relating to everyone's assessment of that dress.
Now, Theresa hasn't been doing much to disabuse Jared of his belief that she is poor. In fact, she's been downright encouraging it by telling him all about how her one brother is a cop, her other brother works on a fishing boat, her sister is a student who works part-time at the Book Café, and both her parents used to work for the Cranes until they were fired. Oh, and her mother worked for the Cranes as a housekeeper, which is sort of the clincher in terms of Jared thinking that Theresa is one of the little people. All of this has led Jared to unload at some length about how evil the Cranes are. This is such a lame "conflict" to set up between these two, considering that Theresa has always hated most of the Cranes herself, and still does. Anyway, Theresa gets a little awkward and tentative about Jared kissing her. He asks if she's over Ethan and she admits that she isn't.
Memo to Jared: When she makes this face after you kiss her, it's a bad sign.
In front of Sheridan and Chris's house, FauxSheridan is leaning over an unconscious Chris. This is the one truly action-oriented storyline that we have left. The show has cruelly taken away all the rest of our drama and intrigue, but we're still left with the fact that Chris has been secretly working for Alistair and is a member of his Evil Omega Society. Remember, Chris tried to burn all of the documents that would link him to Alistair, but there is at least one Evil Document still lying on the floor inside Chris and Sheridan's house, just waiting for someone to discover it.
It turns out that there's another loose end, too. Earlier in the week, Spike confronted Chris and told him that he knows all about Chris working for Alistair, and if Chris doesn't want Spike to spill the beans, he's going to have to start doing Spike's bidding. Chris refused and the two of them had a fight, which resulted in Chris getting shot and Spike running away. Yay, Spike! Spike is my new favorite character - he's the only decent villain we have right now. Chris is so milquetoast, and Spike is so not. Every show should have a stereotypical '70s pimp who just happens to be married to the teenage daughter of the chief of police.
So now Sheridan has found Chris bleeding on the ground, and Luis is off in the bushes looking for the shooter. It seems that Chris is only shot in the leg, so he's not going to die. Bummer. Sheridan runs into the house to check on her little stepson James. Luis comes back over to Chris and starts to call for help, but Chris wakes up and asks him not to call anyone.
Theresa gives Jared the whole "It's not you, it's me" speech. He has the very solid instinct that if Theresa is still hung up on another guy, he should make a hasty exit from this relationship. Unfortunately, Jared doesn't listen to that little voice telling him to run far, far away; instead, he has an emotional bonding session with Theresa on the couch. Apparently Jared is in unrequited love with someone too, so he understands how she feels.
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Comments (9)
"God, I HATE it when I get amnesia and accidentally sleep with my babydaddy, and then in the meantime, my boyfriend gets seduced by a mermaid. That is so freaking ANNOYING."
One of the funniest captions EVER.
1 of 9 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on August 7, 2006 8:02 PM
2 of 9 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 8, 2006 4:16 AM
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better: the Harmony tsunami!!! You gotta tell us about this!!!
3 of 9 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on August 8, 2006 5:36 AM
I'm lame and started recording all the episodes. This show is just so horrendously bad, I couldn't help not watch.
I need to mention how Kay, Tabitha, Endora, Fox, Miguel, Jessica, Spike, Sam and Ivy all live in one house together. Didn't Tabitha's house magically rebuild itself a few weeks ago after a fire burned it down, yet she still hasn't moved back? The budget strikes back.
I'm also always laughing at the gratuitous shots of the whole male cast always going around shirtless no matter where they are: restaurants, little kid's teeball games, jail.
And Ethan is dull dull dull. He used to be somewhat interesting, now he's just a jealous tool.
4 of 9 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on August 8, 2006 10:59 AM
Thanks for reading, y'all. I just want to respond to the comment above about everybody all living in one house. They *did* all live in one house for a day or two, and I thought the same thing as you - that the show had eliminated the second house to save on the budget. But then Endora conjured some cartoon worker bees to rebuild Tabby's house after the fire, and now they live in two separate houses (next door) again.
As for the tsunami - I don't remember it all that well, but I will try to post something about it in my next recap!
5 of 9 | Posted by Amanda
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Posted on August 8, 2006 11:32 AM
tikilights- I also get a kick out of the guys running around without their shirts. You should check out www.myspace.com/nbcdaytime for some nice pics of the guys. Unfortunately they're wearing shirts.
Amanda- I have a suggestion. Why not do a guys not wearing a shirt count with each weeks post? I think that would be pretty funny.
6 of 9 | Posted by Rachey
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Posted on August 8, 2006 11:52 AM
It was a tsunami and an earthquake! It was accidently caused by Endora. No one important died, and nothing really changed any of the story lines, Simone returned as a lesbian, Chris appeared to find his kid, and Sheridan had a job running the Harmony Bed & Breakfast. It was classic Passions overall though.
In one funny scene, that old battleaxe Katherine was drowning, and she jumped onto a coffin that was floating by, which happened to be the coffin of her presumed dead sister. The coffin opened up in Pilar's living room, with a skeleton wearing a necklace! Later, we discovered she (Rachel) was not dead.
KH
7 of 9 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on August 8, 2006 4:41 PM
The tsunami plot really was classic Passions. I mean it doesn't beat Ivy and Sam's house getting sucked into hell but it was pretty great.
My personal favorite scene of the Tsunami was when (and correct me if I'm wrong) Edna, Beth's crazy mom, "surfed" her way to safety on some sign that she saw floating by... At that point Edna had a young body that she'd made Tabitha give her when she found out that Tabby and Endora were witches. Seriously, the sight of the woman who normally wears adult diapers and talks about it surfing her way to safety during a Tsunami was priceless... makes every crappy episode last week totally worth it.
8 of 9 | Posted by JaxMcG
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Posted on August 9, 2006 6:35 AM
Worker bees rebuilt their house? Huh?
9 of 9 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 11, 2006 10:22 AM