Chris and Luis have moved inside to the couch and are tending to the nasty bullet wound in Chris's leg. Chris claims that he has no idea who shot him; it was just some unseen assailant who ran into the woods. Luis lets Chris talk him out of calling a doctor. And then we witness the absolute worst police work in the history of mankind, as Chris also talks Luis out of calling the POLICE. Mind you, Luis is in uniform and is currently in the process of trying to get reinstated as a detective, and now he's not going to file a report about a mystery attacker who shoots people in the leg at random as they stand in their own front yards in what is presumably a very safe neighborhood. And what is the earth-shattering argument that wins Luis over to this idiotic course of action, or inaction? Why, it's Chris's theory that if the media find out that he's been shot, that will be very rough on Sheridan.
Welcome to Chris 'n' Sheridan's Full-Service Living Room & Gunshot-Wound-Repair Emporium!
Okay, let me get this straight. Sheridan's husband is telling Luis that he was just minding his own business in his and Sheridan's front yard when some psycho ran by, tagged him in the leg, and vanished into the woods. Luis, after putting up a very minor fuss, has now agreed to just let this go as though it had never happened. Don't you think that Luis ought to be just a tiny bit worried about the fact that there's a guy out in Sheridan's yard with a gun, just waiting to pick off the residents of the house? Or, you know, shouldn't he be worried about the fact that he's a cop and they're supposed to report shootings, with the explicit purpose of PROTECTING THE COMMUNITY from people who go around shooting other people for no apparent reason? I feel like marching right into my TV and demanding Luis's badge and gun.
Chris has one pretty funny line during the discussion, when he tells Luis that if the press hear about this shooting, they'll have Dominick Dunne camped outside their gate. Luis mutters, "Yeah, I know what that's like." Because I guess Dominick Dunne has staked out Luis's house before too? That's an awesome visual. I had no idea that Dominick Dunne was famous enough to get shouted out on Passions. I also don't think he really goes to crime scenes himself, considering he's at least 80 years old.
Does this like a person who would be lurking in Sheridan's yard with a camera?
Paloma turns down that guy Roberto's marriage proposal. Yawn. She says that she has too many family problems right now to go running off to Mexico. She asks him to stay in Harmony with her, and he says he can't because of his visa. Ooh, topical! She kisses him and says, "Adios, Roberto." He leaves, but he tells her that he's keeping the marriage proposal open. Paloma talks to herself for a second and then runs into Miguel. She recaps the proposal and her reason for saying no. Miguel tells her that she shouldn't stay in Harmony just because the rest of her family can't get their act together; she should leave, if she loves the guy. Paloma tells Miguel about how alive she felt in Rome, and how boring everything is in Harmony. WORD.
Cut to Kay strangling Siren in Tabby's kitchen. They have a huge fight, which, in the ultimate act of Passions lameness, occurs almost entirely off-camera. All we get are sound effects and Tabitha recapping the action to Endora. Oh, come ON. The actresses and the set are already there; they can't give us one teeny little girlfight scene? In the end, Endora uses some purple lightning to zap Kay and Siren apart, so that Kay can't fight herself right into jail. Kay and Siren yell at each other some more, and Kay says that she's going to make love to Fox over and over and over and over again, to "make him forget all about the horror of mating with a fish." Gah, maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but if my boyfriend "mat[ed] with a fish," it would be at least a few days before I'd start to think about hopping back into the sack with him myself.
That's a pretty stingy little splatter of purple lightning, if you ask me.
When Kay starts talking about all the sex that she and Fox are about to have, Siren bursts out laughing. It seems that Kay's memory is, indeed, still spotty. "Aren't you forgetting," Siren asks, "about a little thing called the Mermaid's Curse?" Kay finally figures the whole thing out, and she reels like she's been punched.
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Comments (9)
"God, I HATE it when I get amnesia and accidentally sleep with my babydaddy, and then in the meantime, my boyfriend gets seduced by a mermaid. That is so freaking ANNOYING."
One of the funniest captions EVER.
1 of 9 | Posted by B-Side
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Posted on August 7, 2006 8:02 PM
2 of 9 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 8, 2006 4:16 AM
Just when I thought it couldn't get any better: the Harmony tsunami!!! You gotta tell us about this!!!
3 of 9 | Posted by mandymax
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Posted on August 8, 2006 5:36 AM
I'm lame and started recording all the episodes. This show is just so horrendously bad, I couldn't help not watch.
I need to mention how Kay, Tabitha, Endora, Fox, Miguel, Jessica, Spike, Sam and Ivy all live in one house together. Didn't Tabitha's house magically rebuild itself a few weeks ago after a fire burned it down, yet she still hasn't moved back? The budget strikes back.
I'm also always laughing at the gratuitous shots of the whole male cast always going around shirtless no matter where they are: restaurants, little kid's teeball games, jail.
And Ethan is dull dull dull. He used to be somewhat interesting, now he's just a jealous tool.
4 of 9 | Posted by tikilights
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Posted on August 8, 2006 10:59 AM
Thanks for reading, y'all. I just want to respond to the comment above about everybody all living in one house. They *did* all live in one house for a day or two, and I thought the same thing as you - that the show had eliminated the second house to save on the budget. But then Endora conjured some cartoon worker bees to rebuild Tabby's house after the fire, and now they live in two separate houses (next door) again.
As for the tsunami - I don't remember it all that well, but I will try to post something about it in my next recap!
5 of 9 | Posted by Amanda
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Posted on August 8, 2006 11:32 AM
tikilights- I also get a kick out of the guys running around without their shirts. You should check out www.myspace.com/nbcdaytime for some nice pics of the guys. Unfortunately they're wearing shirts.
Amanda- I have a suggestion. Why not do a guys not wearing a shirt count with each weeks post? I think that would be pretty funny.
6 of 9 | Posted by Rachey
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Posted on August 8, 2006 11:52 AM
It was a tsunami and an earthquake! It was accidently caused by Endora. No one important died, and nothing really changed any of the story lines, Simone returned as a lesbian, Chris appeared to find his kid, and Sheridan had a job running the Harmony Bed & Breakfast. It was classic Passions overall though.
In one funny scene, that old battleaxe Katherine was drowning, and she jumped onto a coffin that was floating by, which happened to be the coffin of her presumed dead sister. The coffin opened up in Pilar's living room, with a skeleton wearing a necklace! Later, we discovered she (Rachel) was not dead.
KH
7 of 9 | Posted by KatiesHole
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Posted on August 8, 2006 4:41 PM
The tsunami plot really was classic Passions. I mean it doesn't beat Ivy and Sam's house getting sucked into hell but it was pretty great.
My personal favorite scene of the Tsunami was when (and correct me if I'm wrong) Edna, Beth's crazy mom, "surfed" her way to safety on some sign that she saw floating by... At that point Edna had a young body that she'd made Tabitha give her when she found out that Tabby and Endora were witches. Seriously, the sight of the woman who normally wears adult diapers and talks about it surfing her way to safety during a Tsunami was priceless... makes every crappy episode last week totally worth it.
8 of 9 | Posted by JaxMcG
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Posted on August 9, 2006 6:35 AM
Worker bees rebuilt their house? Huh?
9 of 9 | Posted by Ubiquitous
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Posted on August 11, 2006 10:22 AM