Lighing yourself on fire: the new way to game chicks.
We're back! The boys are lookin' good, feelin' good, ready to learn some material to take to the field! They are so close a random hook up they can taste it. I know you've been waiting for this recap all week and it's true I've been making you wait for it and want it more, gaming you all like hot chicks in a club. You are all hot chicks to me in my Pick Up Artist world. Let's get laid.
We enter today on our young gentlemen in complete disbelief that someone was eliminated and, okay, I guess there was no formal rune initiation which is the standard kick off, but have you noticed people are always in disbelief on reality shows that someone goes home? These people never cease to throw down the "It finally dawned on me that it's a competition" line, and they say it with as much genuine surprise as when I say "I can't believe there's no money in my account!" I mean, really. It's a shock?
Lauren Hutton says his heart wasn't beating the whole time during the elimination. And that he's not going to be able to sleep tonight. Jesus. No wonder no one gets laid around these parts. My bunnies had more backbone than these clowns.
Stop yer heart long enough and you can add David Blaine to your hybrid list. Dare to dream.
And the blues just don't go away. Sending Gay Janitor home really rocked these boys to the core. There's more misty eyes for the (28 year old) virgin. Mumbling about how he's not ready and what not. I'll say. Btw, Blond Karl is NOT my cup o' tea thank you very much. No matter how hard you try, you'll never be 1998 Mark McGrath, Karl. No one will.
But you do look as cool as 2008 Mark McGrath.
Next day Mystery tells them to meet him at a "secret place" which is so mysterious it even has a bouncer in front of it during the day. Also a giant welcome sign and three tall jackasses standing below it. Secret. How ghettro is this place?
All you can eat seafood buffet for $5.99.
Simeon (who I didn't even recognize. I had to dig into the last recap to remember he's "Osama Bin Sexy".) is convinced they're going to a strip club. Like, an Italian one! Wrong.
Mystery tells them that they're already looking more confident but this new looking is only step uno. Long-lasting confidence is more than just looking good. It's about getting laid. So what better than to have them spend some quality time with "the ladies". Aw, yeah.
MXC Brian is also enthused that these ladies might be possible strippers. Hold up. Who knew that strippers were the most exciting girls on the planet? And here I thought writing for the 'Gasm was good enough. I thought boys LOVED funny girls.
Just stay calm, underscores Mystery. Whoever makes the best impression (i.e. doesn't act like a dog in heat) is going to win a "secret" reward. LOL. Mystery loves mystery. And this secret is a "special accessory from his private collection". A special secret accessory from a secret private collection. You can't make this up, people. Also, the calmest dude gets a private lesson where he learns how to macramé and glue pieces of plastic together to make his own special collection. It's all part of being a pick up artist.
Actually the private lesson is on "how to use the special secret accessory". Since he immediately makes this face as he says it, it can only mean the accessory is one thing.
Anal beads.
So lets get started! Mystery announces with a hand clap.
They walk in the door and the Italian Club is straight outta a Boca retirement community.
Wanna touch my dauber?
It's Bingo with the grannies! I'm loving this development, but the boys are shocked yet again. But come on. Did they see that Italian Club awning? That awning is the way old people know they belong. The hunter green and cheap ass font is like a universal code to the over seventy set. This was clearly no strip club.
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Comments (7)
OMG best recap ever! I was laughing the whole time, you really captured every ridiculous comment and moment haha!
Good call with the whole Tara being a coke-whore thing! Maybe thats why they moved the show to PHX so her and the 'dor can go on border runs between shoots??? Maybe they'll just move the show to Columbia next year and cut out the middle man!
1 of 7 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 24, 2008 5:55 PM
*colombia...
:o
2 of 7 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 24, 2008 5:57 PM
No, please Ms. Sensation, I don't care if the recap is late, this recap was so damn perfect and I would RUE a sub. You make me feel *this* much less guilty about watching this show.
3 of 7 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on October 24, 2008 11:09 PM
this recap was hilarious. so much better than the actual show.
4 of 7 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on October 26, 2008 8:01 PM
Wow, I can't believe a show like this exists...
Have to say, the show gives me the creeps though. It's just hard for me to live through these clowns, and that's all I really look for in a reality show.
I mean, on the one hand, I really feel for these guys, because I was never able to walk into a club and pick up (stupid drunk) girls. On the other hand, I never needed to, since life has been generous enough to me, charisma-wise at least. Uh-huh.
Of course, maybe it's because I used to dress like a pirate too. I suppose that's the real secret.
Luckily, there's Lady S to guide us through this experience!
5 of 7 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 27, 2008 8:02 AM
Funny! (MUCH funnier than the election!)
6 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 27, 2008 11:54 AM
okay, is it just me or does it look like mystery is running free, i.e. sans underwear, so it looks like he is running a partial boner in those jeans. like just the beginning of one. or the end.
love the recaps.
7 of 7 | Posted by pamelamn | Posted on October 28, 2008 4:27 PM