The ladies all drool at the young meat and give them cow eyes, excited to have before them men that don't need viagra or a pacemaker. Lauren Hutton says that these women probably talk about what they did during the Eisenhower administration, which means he's probably in the right demographic after all. I doubt any of those girls in the club the night before even know when that was. Possibly what it was.
MXC Brian waves at the lady in his best MXC way and they wave back on cue like we're all in the "So long farewell" scene in The Sound of Music. Loves. So the boys are unleashed to work their magic. Todd's strategy is to be sweet and genuine and he's probably got this one in the bag since he's the best friend to scores of women. Until one of them asks if he'll be her "emotional outlet" and he starts crying.
Kevin shows up like he's on a job interview for the American Legion.
What's one of my weaknesses? Well, I have a tendency towards swamp ass.
Lauren Hutton asks what Bingo game they're playing and drops some Bingo lingo, which immediately warms up the ladies. Apparently he used to be a hardened Bingo gambler on the riverboat. Really. " Bingo", "gambling" and "riverboat" all come out of his mouth. I don't want to know.
But this is so his crowd. Apparently his main source of female interaction is at his "Bubbe's retirement home" and he knows what the post-menopausal wanna hear. I mean, really Mystery. What did you expect? The main source of female interaction for these boys IS moms and grandmas. This underwhelms. He then compares himself to a performer on the Vegas strip. Retirees LOVE Vegas.
Even the (28 year-old) virgin is cake-walking. He calls the women "playful" and gives some good luck kisses all around.
Don't tell my stuffie about this.
Simean pulls the old "schmooze and compliment" routine on these broads. And by "compliment" he means lie to their faces. He tells one lady she looks "not a day over thirty-five".
And I don't understand how you can't get laid, son.
Simeon just wants to channel all his youthful energy and put it on them so they will have affection for him. Someone needs to tell him it's gross to put one's energy all over someone. Youthful or otherwise.
Back at the American Legion interview, Swamp Ass is talking about computers in high school and how old chicks have all the good stories. "Do you have any cool stories from World War II?" he asks with all the eagerness of a puppy. World War II? Are you serious? The "older chicks" give him death stare.
How about the one where I eff up your nose to look like mine, little man?
In his confessional he says that "older chicks are cool" because they have all the "cool stories". Then god comes down and punches him in the face on behalf of older chicks everywhere. What an ass.
The Ringer is having an easy time, what with that baby face and all. He even initiates some kino escalation.
MXC Brian makes the joke of the day by calling the ladies "cougars" but "saber toothed" because they're, like, pre-historic. Keep your eyes on this one, people. He was also the one who coined "smokin' balls" last week. He is quickly gaining a special place in my heart for the sheer randomness of what comes out of his mouth.
The ladies don't quite know what to make of him but it doesn't matter because he has the performing his own choreography in minutes. I'd like to hear why MXC Brain shouldn't just win right now.
Git it on!
"I love how you guys stink," he announces to one table and cue the record scratch. Oh, take it easy on the poor guy. He really does love it. But I don't think he really says "stink". I listened to it more times than I will admit to and I heard "think" every time.
And with that, Mystery and the ladies in waiting come in to give them a new kind of Bingo game. A Bingo game with all their little faces instead of numbers. And why don't we get a close up on that? Maybe I can ask production for one. Tell them I'm with "the media". I'd frame it.
Anal beads are at stake, older chicks. Choose wisely.
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Comments (7)
OMG best recap ever! I was laughing the whole time, you really captured every ridiculous comment and moment haha!
Good call with the whole Tara being a coke-whore thing! Maybe thats why they moved the show to PHX so her and the 'dor can go on border runs between shoots??? Maybe they'll just move the show to Columbia next year and cut out the middle man!
1 of 7 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 24, 2008 5:55 PM
*colombia...
:o
2 of 7 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 24, 2008 5:57 PM
No, please Ms. Sensation, I don't care if the recap is late, this recap was so damn perfect and I would RUE a sub. You make me feel *this* much less guilty about watching this show.
3 of 7 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on October 24, 2008 11:09 PM
this recap was hilarious. so much better than the actual show.
4 of 7 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on October 26, 2008 8:01 PM
Wow, I can't believe a show like this exists...
Have to say, the show gives me the creeps though. It's just hard for me to live through these clowns, and that's all I really look for in a reality show.
I mean, on the one hand, I really feel for these guys, because I was never able to walk into a club and pick up (stupid drunk) girls. On the other hand, I never needed to, since life has been generous enough to me, charisma-wise at least. Uh-huh.
Of course, maybe it's because I used to dress like a pirate too. I suppose that's the real secret.
Luckily, there's Lady S to guide us through this experience!
5 of 7 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 27, 2008 8:02 AM
Funny! (MUCH funnier than the election!)
6 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 27, 2008 11:54 AM
okay, is it just me or does it look like mystery is running free, i.e. sans underwear, so it looks like he is running a partial boner in those jeans. like just the beginning of one. or the end.
love the recaps.
7 of 7 | Posted by pamelamn | Posted on October 28, 2008 4:27 PM