They're stoked to be working with Tara, but back in Mystery's corner he's teaching them actual strategy. He's teaching them about the most useful tool in the gamer's kit. "The Neg". A slight, playful insult that should indicate disinterest, but also make the receiving party laugh. So true. A well executed Neg can honestly not be underestimated. It has the two-fold effect of getting a girl off her guard and rousing her interest even more. My Ex only speaks to me in Negs and this is possibly why we still hang out. I love to constantly be reminded my eyes are slightly crossed and I'm kind of retarded. Honestly, I'm totally in love with him.
The 'Dor teaches the guys some talk-to-the-hand thing. And this is hot why? If a guy did that to me and my girls I doubt we'd chase after him. We'd think he was ca-razay, obvies!
Save this one for the gay bar, boys.
MXC Brian then decides to show us all how it's really done. He lays down some "Pull My Finger" routine. (And...record scratch redux! Two in one episode! Hand over the prize now, producers. We'll never let him go.) He then admits that this will best be executed once the girls are drunk. Much like everything else.
And now for some openers that girls are gonna have to be asked:
*Do women find Mick Jagger attractive?
*Would you date a guy named Herman?
*What do you think about girls and tattoos?
Um, are girls retarded? How about that one? This is supposed to be such a provocative line of questioning that our brains will be powerless to deny conversation. I can't imagine the dating potential of the name "Herman" to be that provocation.
I'm beginning to lose faith in humanity but luckily I'm saved from hating my gender because now we get the secret accessory which is...A BOA. A PRIVATE FUCKING BOA LESSON. And I thought Mystery talking about "playing the hammer" was the height in homo-ness.
He has him reach in the bag and everything.
Deeper, deeper. Almost there.
This is how you "lock" the girl in.
If she resists that, use the fur handcuffs.
I feel like I need some time to recover from this moment in homoeroticism, but no time! Now it's time for the boys to get ready and practice the above opener questions again like they're off to perform Shakespeare in the park.
Mystery announces that tonight is the first time his students will be out in the field with his material and he'll be looking to see how many sets they open and how successfully they rattle off questions no one sober would ever want to be asked. He talks about small steps and giant leaps but I'm so distracted by the white feather boa he's wearing I just wanna be locked in and don't give an ol' hoot what that card is saying!
Outside the club, as usual Matador looks gay and Tara looks, well, like someone that would find those above questions actually provocative.
Once we're done here, we're gonna chuck it all and start a think tank.
And with a "Game on!" they're thrust into battle.
Up first, Lauren Hutton comes on in, looking like he just came from a ragin' Bachelorette party. Wow, what wouldn't I give for a bridge-and-tunnel, feather boa sporting dude coming at me guns blazing. But...just like Mystery said, a girl appears interested in the boa. Damn you, females! Unfortunately Lauren Hutton would rather stare at the bottles lined against the bar and is a complete waste of space here. And Mystery just can't get over what A WASTE of an ACCESSORY this is . Seriously, Lauren Hutton. Accessories are SEXUAL. Mystery seriously just won't let it go. Mystery LOVES accessories.
And, seriously, do they just photoshop Matador in afterwards?
Matador make smoke balls, but he still just doesn't get accessories like you do.
Lauren Hutton just can't open any sets and he seems to be wandering about aimlessly. But then, luckily for him a girl approaches him about the boa. And Jesus H, I'm embarrassed Mys is right again. This time Matt drops a Neg and then locks her in. Good boy. Mystery, in his finest Canadian accent, compliments the accessory.
Lauren Hutton takes it back though, which is bad news. The girl's friend jumps in and looks like she's about to make out with her. HOTTT!!! But this is a classic save-your-friend-from-a-weirdo-dude-in-a-feather-boa move and this one I'm familiar with. This girl-on-girl is going nowhere. Alas.
« Top Design: Mean Gays & Disco-Crystal Addiction | Main | Real Housewives of Atlanta: Don't Be Tardy For The Party! »
Comments (7)
OMG best recap ever! I was laughing the whole time, you really captured every ridiculous comment and moment haha!
Good call with the whole Tara being a coke-whore thing! Maybe thats why they moved the show to PHX so her and the 'dor can go on border runs between shoots??? Maybe they'll just move the show to Columbia next year and cut out the middle man!
1 of 7 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 24, 2008 5:55 PM
*colombia...
:o
2 of 7 | Posted by sammy64 | Posted on October 24, 2008 5:57 PM
No, please Ms. Sensation, I don't care if the recap is late, this recap was so damn perfect and I would RUE a sub. You make me feel *this* much less guilty about watching this show.
3 of 7 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on October 24, 2008 11:09 PM
this recap was hilarious. so much better than the actual show.
4 of 7 | Posted by dangerdarling | Posted on October 26, 2008 8:01 PM
Wow, I can't believe a show like this exists...
Have to say, the show gives me the creeps though. It's just hard for me to live through these clowns, and that's all I really look for in a reality show.
I mean, on the one hand, I really feel for these guys, because I was never able to walk into a club and pick up (stupid drunk) girls. On the other hand, I never needed to, since life has been generous enough to me, charisma-wise at least. Uh-huh.
Of course, maybe it's because I used to dress like a pirate too. I suppose that's the real secret.
Luckily, there's Lady S to guide us through this experience!
5 of 7 | Posted by itchy | Posted on October 27, 2008 8:02 AM
Funny! (MUCH funnier than the election!)
6 of 7 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on October 27, 2008 11:54 AM
okay, is it just me or does it look like mystery is running free, i.e. sans underwear, so it looks like he is running a partial boner in those jeans. like just the beginning of one. or the end.
love the recaps.
7 of 7 | Posted by pamelamn | Posted on October 28, 2008 4:27 PM