Kidding! We're just happy to be back and LOL-ing at chumps, too.

So muchos apologies for last week. I missed the Pick Up Artist as much as my cold heart allows me to miss anything. Turned out no one could sub and I got buried under piles of whatevertheblah I get paid the big bucks to write, but now I'm locked in the glass box at the Standard Hotel in Hollywood (seriously) and I am using this cage time to focus on you, gentle readers. You and your Pick Up Artists needs. Please accept this really really fast turnaround as my sincere apology.

I did manage to peep the episode last week and saw that Karl went with little fanfare. (Who else thought Lauren Hutton really really should have went home and Karl was robbed? By "else" I mean, I totes thought him and his Neil Strauss vibe should have been spared to mess up another week. Damn you, Ringer, for keeping that feather- boa-droppin'-the-accessory-ball fool around.) So now we're left to pick up the pieces.

Enter PUA training camp at night. MXC Brian is talking about how sick he still gets sending people home. Sensitive soul. I wish I understood what that's like.

If you need me, I'll be in here blowing chunks over the next hair to get plucked off my butt.

And as soon as (28 year old) Virgin comes in, the tears start to flow. God, the charm school hos put this group to shame. Virgin can't even speak he's so shaken and the boys prop him up bolstering him up with talk about how he really deserves to be there. Debatable.

We don't want the Virgin label to start appearing under to our names, chief.

Of course Lauren Hutton is glad Virgin's there. He can't be a hater when his ass was vocally called out as the one who should be sent home. He says that Virgin should be there by virtue of the fact that he works so hard, not the fact that he's good at anything. Spoken like a true loosah.

The chorus of "step up my games" are chanted and the vibe stays grim and boring until MXC Brian lets one rip in the bathroom. Boys and their farts are funnee!!!

So next day Mystery announces that there will be no elimination for another few days so now we're gonna release some tension. No, dirty minds, we're not about to have a circle jerk, we're gonna have some fun touching women! Not better than a circle jerk at Camp Homo, but it's part of the curriculum.

Who styled the wings this week? A peace sign belt and blazer vest? My middle school wardrobe called. It wants its look back.

But before we actually release any tension, we're going to embarrass the guys further. Way to build them up just to let them down, buttercup. Mystery is going to make them talk about how far they've gone with the ladies. Ha. How many different ways can you say "not very"?

MXC Brian is up first and he confesses the farthest he's gone with a girl is the ol' grab-and-run. Which simply means he grabbed a girl's boob and ran. Tara busts out with an LOL but I'm all, WTF? That's okay? It was Halloween though and apparently the girl looked like Shamu so yeah, it is okay.

Todd describes himself as a "late bloomer" and didn't have his first kiss till eighteen. Mystery compassionately empathizes by confessing he didn't de-virginize till twenty-one. Aw, gay loser bonding. It melts my empty heart cavity.

(28-year old) Virgin lists piggy-back rides in the third grade as the highlight of his sexual experience.

Chris Hansen's next riveting show: To Catch a Dork.

So today we're gonna meet a professional sexologist, which I do believe is a degree program nowhere. But whatevs, she helps people with intimacy issues for a living, so she's probably doing more good for the world than I am wreaking havoc on the hearts of men everywhere.

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Posted in Pick Up Artist by InternetSensation at 8:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Last Comment: dangerdarling on Nov 9, 2008 09:39 AM.