Well that looked fun! says Mystery as they gather back together.. Or like the visual equivalent of swallowing nails. Potato, Potahto. He says that Lauren Hutton and the Ringer need to get out of their heads and not be so afraid to pull the trigger. Simeon got a number, but it was our Virgin who displayed some smooth gaming though. He easily wins. He giggles that he feels like a pimp.
Back at the house, Lauren Hutton complains that he has to dumb himself down at the club. What he really wants to talk about when he goes out in the world is France's socialist policies. I mean, nothing makes me want to discuss political systems like hearing top forty hip-hop cranked in my ear and a $10 mixed drink in my hand. I can relate. He understands it's not club talk, but literally says, "That's in my wheelhouse." Wow. You lure her in with cheeky, glib banter and then she's stuck with your theories of French government. This cannot be good. Also, never say something is in your "wheelhouse" unless you want to look like the type of douchebag that like lives for discussing Western Europe's proclivity towards socialism.
Speaking of, here comes the gang to work on today's lesson. The next component of the game is to work with a wingman. Master PUAs rely on their wingmen in the field, where two players synchronize in the same strategy. They DHV spike each other, says Matador. (They've been DHV spiking each other this whole time, 'Dor. Har, har.) Therefore his value is "preloaded" into the target's head and has an easier time.
Does Bolshevik Russia figure into this somewhere? I would really like if it did.
They work with an "AI", an accomlishment introduction, which serves as a conversation starter. Instead of using it for yourself, you use it for your wing. This gets the Virgin a-thinkin' about what would be good for him. He says his bank account would Definitely be one of these things. Yeah, when you don't go out on dates with girls, dudes tend to save a lot of money. He smiles smugly. I laugh mockingly.
They also have a yes/no code to indicate when the wing should leave so they can go in for the target. They have to overcome any potential obstacles for each other and for the challenge will have to isolate the target, kino escalate and make out. And because Virgin won, he gets to pick his wingman. He picks the Ringer, leaving Simeon and Lauren Hutton to discuss civil economics and cowboy hats. Should be fun.
The Ringer and Virgin work with Mystery go off to work with Mystery and Simeon and Lauren Hutton with Matador.
No, no. The kino escalation is for the girls, not you guys.
Afterwards Simeon and Lauren Hutton talk about putting money on who's going to win. Oh, those boys. Lauren Hutton talks about what funny guys they are. He even describes them as "Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner". Wow, what a relevant comedic reference. That'll be a surefire winner with the club girls. They can't shut about Old Jewish Comedians. They'll think you're just a stitch!
The Ringer also thinks that he's in the right pair. They dap to that in the car on the way over. In the other seat, Simeon is doing his "what movie is this from" routine which always follows with "nobody puts baby in a corner." Wow, way to bowl us over with your obscure chick flick movie trivia. Every week he trots this beaten pony out and I wish someone would tell him to pick something other than the most famous contemporary chick flick movie quote ever. He should just do the Meg Ryan orgasm scene from "When Harry met Sally" and some Jack and Rose Titanic shit to complete the trifecta.
And then I'll touch her like I touch you. Kidding. I'd never do that.
And now it's club time! Mystery gives an intro speech about how tonight's field test is all about Trust. If you can't trust your wingman you might as well throw in the towel on life itself. The bond between wings is like an ass and its hairs. Mystery reminds them that included in this Trust pact is trust that they've given them solid material, subtly pointing out that lately these fools have been going at it with their own asinine icebreakers and going down a path of humiliation.
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Comments (8)
It isn't difficult to find a lot of homo-erotic symbolism this season (I'm getting the same vibe about UFC). I don't think these last four guys are gay, though. It is just the underlying dread of women that made them prime candidates for this show in the first place. They huddle together out of fear.
It was nice to see them all have some level of success - finally. Mystery sent the right guy home.
Who ultimately wins depends on the nature of the tests. Overall, I give a slight edge to the one you call Ringer.
Hutton freezes up too much when on his own, and Cowboy has to have the right kind of target (how many vapid bikini model tests can there be?).
Thanks for the recap!
1 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 22, 2008 11:08 AM
Oh I dunno...I really liked seeing naked Simeon with Lauren Hutton's boa around his neck, both wearing the same calm, satisfied smiles.
2 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 22, 2008 2:10 PM
IS...great recap!
I was thinking EXACTLY what you wrote at several instances:
"The Ringer confesses that he's never kissed a girl within a few minutes of meeting. Well, cleeeearly you haven't had enough booze then." --> NO SH!T! Ever been to a wedding reception? Or a college party? AND DRINKS ARE FREE THERE...
Virgin has a willing 3-some, and "...Finally he leaves and kisses the girls on...the hand. I'm ready to send this ball-dropper home right here and now." --> My thoughts as I read that? "Oh HAYALL no! OUT!" Ball-dropper, waste of space...it did just occur to me though, that if he were a TRUE playa, he might have just hooked that up for another time, off camera. OK I can dream, can’t I?
..."girls will give out their number just to escape the situation." --> I'm dying to know if those numbers were real, because a smart girl with give a fake number. And I've had guy friends do the same. And oh yeah for telemarketers too, don't we? But getting busted on it sux….
AND THE REASON I HAD TO POST: "I wish I could recall from all of my drunky days what got me to make out with a dude and I'd like to think it was something way better. But probably not." --> I was thinking the exact same thing. Damn, IS, I like you! Sounds like we coulda done a righteous “ho stroll” back in the day.
Speaking of… in which Standard are you working on these recaps for "us"?
You go, ho! ;-)
Thanks for the hilarious recaps. Keep up the great work.
3 of 8 | Posted by Chips.N.Whips | Posted on November 22, 2008 2:36 PM
hey guys! thanks for the saturday afternoon comments. i just got in from boozing it up at a girly girl clothing swap, so i'm totally in the mood to show y'all some IOIs and kino escalate.
fire@will: i definitely think that these boys are straight. the fact that they so unabashedly embrace each other every episode shows their fear. a confident man is not so quick to enter into the hearty man hug. and if they were gay they would have had better style from the get-go.
itchy: i would like to see it every week, too. it looked way more natural than any interaction with a female.
chips.n.whips: oh, girl. it's nice to know someone reading was also formerly a member of the order of fake numbers and random makeouts.
as for box girl duties, i'm at the hollywood standard on sunset blvd. i always tell my friends to come and see me, but we can't "break the fourth wall", so i can't wave. i am just a zoo animal writing recaps from my glass cage, not a performance artist doing sexy things. though i'm sure me typing away is tremendously sexy.
xoxoIS
4 of 8 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on November 22, 2008 3:14 PM
IS, another fab recap, but I wish you'd quit harping on your penchant for late recaps. We know you don't get paid for this and the result (not to mention 7 pages!) is always worth the wait. Flip should get major credit for pairing the right person with the right show.
This show became super-gay last season too. These guys really get to liking each other, it's touching, but..it's pretty damn gay. Mystery even shed a tear at a medallion ceremony last year!
And I'm sorry, the 'dor, he invented the quiver. What I'm saying is...he makes me quiver. He looks like a bulging chick, but, JC, I will say no more.
5 of 8 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on November 22, 2008 11:01 PM
*sigh* I just don't feel the love anymore now that Brian is gone. He was the best thing about this show. Ok ok, I know that he really wasn't progressing. But he was so adorable and funny! And he had an afro. Afros are awesome. Um... except when they are on 50 year old red headed dudes with pornstaches. Then, not so much. Anyway, miss you, Brian!! Call me.
The guys left are just so douche-y. Ok, maybe... MAYBE... Ringer is slightly less than the others. Maybe. Simeon is probably my favorite to win only because he looks sleezy/faux rockstar enough to fit in with Mystery and gang. Lauren Hutton is just annoying as hell. I'm glad the virgin is finally gone. He did learn and get better, I must say, but I feel that some of the guys that went home instead of him might have progressed further. Like that guy, whasshisname, who had the nice smile.
6 of 8 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 24, 2008 1:51 AM
What do you expect from a show hosted by a fop?
7 of 8 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on November 25, 2008 6:40 AM
Thanks for a great re-cap! Mystery's choice of clothing is so odd, it makes one wonder how he became a "master pickup artist". Sorry, no amount of kino or negs would work on me with him!!
8 of 8 | Posted by momoya | Posted on November 25, 2008 10:27 AM