The goal is to make out with a bitch and this is gonna be a big one for these guys. The Ringer confesses that he's never kissed a girl within a few minutes of meeting. Well, cleeeearly you haven't had enough booze then. That makes anyone wanna tongue lock in no time at all! Try it, Ringer! Drunk girls = sloppy make outs 4 evs!
They each get their own special section at the back of the club to bring their hos back to and the winning team will get immunity. Let's play!
Up first we get The Ringer and Virgin. Virgin strolls through the club solo and inquires as to whether everyone is having a good time like he's a mother at a wedding. It would weird me out to see a dude wandering through a club, inquiring into my good time, but this girl's a taker.
Were you asking me that because you work here and can get me free drinks?
He then settles on the solo girl above as she volunteers her name and a few minutes of her time very graciously. Some other girls stroll by and he invites them into the party. Turns out they're her friends and they're all ready to have a good time with our sexless wonder. A few seconds later the Ringer pops by and Virgin gives him the code to keep wandering. He hasn't primed the set yet.
So the Ringer sallies forth and the set priming begins. He mentions that he's jealous of the Ringer's extensive traveling and the first girl that opened the set begins yammering on about all this impressive backpacking she's done in Europe. Backpacking unlike every other American high school graduate.
He deftly negs her though with a "Does she always brag like this?" So then the Ringer comes back and formal introductions are made all around. The Ringer invites them back to the VIP section they have roped off. The Ringer sits down with a tongue-pierced brunette and Virgin is stranded with the other two.
The Ringer is slow to kino escalate, Matador is quick to point out from the peanut gallery, and the backpacking Shakira lookalike leaves for a few minutes leaving Virgin to try out his patty cake tricks in the nighttime.
Are you on E, dude?
Once again he talks about how it's one of his favorite theater games, which makes me wonder what kind of performances this troupe of his does. I'm beginning to think they're all a bunch of mimes.
Shakira comes back and screams "WAX ON WAX OFF?" in Virgin's ears, clearly jealous of the patty cake attention her friend is getting. The gang LOLs in the background as they watch Virgin soak up the attention, and Matador says that he doesn't want to do anything to mess this up. Clearly, obviously, he is going to mess this up.
The girls flirt with him some more though and ask about his decision to not shave earlier this evening, which is an obvious ploy to touch his face. Tara starts screaming from the background to get on with it! She never has to wait for Mystery to make a move. This is torture. And Matador points out that this is serving to drive the girls' crazier with his non-responsiveness. Although "nonresponsive" is code for "scared shitless". Two girls, Virgin? The boy would feel much more confident if Stuffie were here.
Back to the Ringer, he's teaching her today's lecture!
Mystery had us all do this earlier. It's so much fun, just me and the guys, working on our trust.
She complies to his compliance test and then he goes right in for the "On the scale of 1 to 10, how good of a kisser are you?" line. Who rates themselves low?
Well, ya know, I've got great tongue work, but I'll deduct points for having lip herp.
The girl says she doesn't know what she would rate herself, so Ringer smoothly says she needs to kiss someone then. She goes for it and then concurs that he was pretty slick. Then she goes back for more!
So over at Camp Virgin, our man has been totally abandoned by his wing who has decided to spend the rest of the night making out with tongue ring girl. Virgin is trying though. He's initiating "kiss gambit" and asking them about kissing styles and Shakira wants to know when the last time he kissed a girl was. His stuffie is female so...right before he came in?
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Comments (8)
It isn't difficult to find a lot of homo-erotic symbolism this season (I'm getting the same vibe about UFC). I don't think these last four guys are gay, though. It is just the underlying dread of women that made them prime candidates for this show in the first place. They huddle together out of fear.
It was nice to see them all have some level of success - finally. Mystery sent the right guy home.
Who ultimately wins depends on the nature of the tests. Overall, I give a slight edge to the one you call Ringer.
Hutton freezes up too much when on his own, and Cowboy has to have the right kind of target (how many vapid bikini model tests can there be?).
Thanks for the recap!
1 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 22, 2008 11:08 AM
Oh I dunno...I really liked seeing naked Simeon with Lauren Hutton's boa around his neck, both wearing the same calm, satisfied smiles.
2 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 22, 2008 2:10 PM
IS...great recap!
I was thinking EXACTLY what you wrote at several instances:
"The Ringer confesses that he's never kissed a girl within a few minutes of meeting. Well, cleeeearly you haven't had enough booze then." --> NO SH!T! Ever been to a wedding reception? Or a college party? AND DRINKS ARE FREE THERE...
Virgin has a willing 3-some, and "...Finally he leaves and kisses the girls on...the hand. I'm ready to send this ball-dropper home right here and now." --> My thoughts as I read that? "Oh HAYALL no! OUT!" Ball-dropper, waste of space...it did just occur to me though, that if he were a TRUE playa, he might have just hooked that up for another time, off camera. OK I can dream, can’t I?
..."girls will give out their number just to escape the situation." --> I'm dying to know if those numbers were real, because a smart girl with give a fake number. And I've had guy friends do the same. And oh yeah for telemarketers too, don't we? But getting busted on it sux….
AND THE REASON I HAD TO POST: "I wish I could recall from all of my drunky days what got me to make out with a dude and I'd like to think it was something way better. But probably not." --> I was thinking the exact same thing. Damn, IS, I like you! Sounds like we coulda done a righteous “ho stroll” back in the day.
Speaking of… in which Standard are you working on these recaps for "us"?
You go, ho! ;-)
Thanks for the hilarious recaps. Keep up the great work.
3 of 8 | Posted by Chips.N.Whips | Posted on November 22, 2008 2:36 PM
hey guys! thanks for the saturday afternoon comments. i just got in from boozing it up at a girly girl clothing swap, so i'm totally in the mood to show y'all some IOIs and kino escalate.
fire@will: i definitely think that these boys are straight. the fact that they so unabashedly embrace each other every episode shows their fear. a confident man is not so quick to enter into the hearty man hug. and if they were gay they would have had better style from the get-go.
itchy: i would like to see it every week, too. it looked way more natural than any interaction with a female.
chips.n.whips: oh, girl. it's nice to know someone reading was also formerly a member of the order of fake numbers and random makeouts.
as for box girl duties, i'm at the hollywood standard on sunset blvd. i always tell my friends to come and see me, but we can't "break the fourth wall", so i can't wave. i am just a zoo animal writing recaps from my glass cage, not a performance artist doing sexy things. though i'm sure me typing away is tremendously sexy.
xoxoIS
4 of 8 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on November 22, 2008 3:14 PM
IS, another fab recap, but I wish you'd quit harping on your penchant for late recaps. We know you don't get paid for this and the result (not to mention 7 pages!) is always worth the wait. Flip should get major credit for pairing the right person with the right show.
This show became super-gay last season too. These guys really get to liking each other, it's touching, but..it's pretty damn gay. Mystery even shed a tear at a medallion ceremony last year!
And I'm sorry, the 'dor, he invented the quiver. What I'm saying is...he makes me quiver. He looks like a bulging chick, but, JC, I will say no more.
5 of 8 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on November 22, 2008 11:01 PM
*sigh* I just don't feel the love anymore now that Brian is gone. He was the best thing about this show. Ok ok, I know that he really wasn't progressing. But he was so adorable and funny! And he had an afro. Afros are awesome. Um... except when they are on 50 year old red headed dudes with pornstaches. Then, not so much. Anyway, miss you, Brian!! Call me.
The guys left are just so douche-y. Ok, maybe... MAYBE... Ringer is slightly less than the others. Maybe. Simeon is probably my favorite to win only because he looks sleezy/faux rockstar enough to fit in with Mystery and gang. Lauren Hutton is just annoying as hell. I'm glad the virgin is finally gone. He did learn and get better, I must say, but I feel that some of the guys that went home instead of him might have progressed further. Like that guy, whasshisname, who had the nice smile.
6 of 8 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 24, 2008 1:51 AM
What do you expect from a show hosted by a fop?
7 of 8 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on November 25, 2008 6:40 AM
Thanks for a great re-cap! Mystery's choice of clothing is so odd, it makes one wonder how he became a "master pickup artist". Sorry, no amount of kino or negs would work on me with him!!
8 of 8 | Posted by momoya | Posted on November 25, 2008 10:27 AM