So tonight they have all become pick up artists. The swaggers and cocky 'tudes have arrived, ladies! Step up for your chance to get negged! The group gathers round now that it's all over and the gang has nothing but good words for our group. In fact, Mystery and Matador are so moved by what wingmanship has brought out in them, they make out and kino escalate all over each other just for good measure.
Man hugging is not just for the young bloods.
Unfortunately though because Ringer didn't help Virgin lock down a threesome, Carl and Mel win it.
And then it is announced that production is shutting down and these two can just be together openly.
This was shot before the devastating Prop 8 news broke.
But now Ringer and Virgin are up on the chopping block. Ringer knows that he dropped the ball and didn't come to his aid when Shakira and Non-Shakira were fighting over virgin territory and Virgin says that he feels pretty good that he won't go home. But mind provocateur Carl Reiner is asking the big questions, "Will Mystery think it's worse that Ringer didn't help you, or that you didn't pull the trigger?"
Virgin tries to act like he did pull the trigger, but, bitch, please. I was ready to send him home just watching those hos salivate while he DID NOTHING. Virgin is confident though. In fact he thinks that Ringer will get "dinged" by Mystery for not coming to his rescue.
This is Ding Face, btw:
Pretty close to I-like-feather-boas-and-man-torsos face.
So now it's time for these guys to D&D out at the rune ceremony. Simeon wants Ringer to go because he's a bigger threat and gives him a big bear hug just to underscore how little he wants him there. False bitches everywhere you turn.
Simeon and Lauren Hutton show up to collect their rune swag. Mystery underscores that last night was so fun for him and is sad to see someone go. Aw, let's just all stick around for ever and ever! Kidding. I love seeing someone flee the scene in tears. I really watch these shows for the eliminations.
We get some blah blah blah about how last night was a "lightbulb" moment for Lauren Hutton about if p, then q type of thing with the material. Unfortunately his "lightbulb" flash wasn't about how his personality is way better suited for "Beauty and the Geek". Simeon said last night changed his life, not to get hyperbolic about the experience or anything. And now we're left with deciding between Ringer or Virgin.
And Virgin defends his performance last night with the best thing I've heard this season. He's all, "Closed-Mouth pecking a stranger WAS pulling the trigger, because I don't even kiss my family". I will repeat it for you: Because I don't even kiss my family. Is he like the lone person out there that in his immediate family is not joining in on the makeouts? Call me a slutbag, but I'd make out with a dude I just met at a club over my dad any day.
My mom comes at me like this, and I'm all, oh no you don't, lady! I don't know you like that.
And now the Ringer. Did you even notice you were hanging him out to dry? Mystery asks. He give some weak defense about he wasn't sure who the target was anymore because he was kino escalating both, but it doesn't fly with Mystery. Neither does Virgin's family story. The bottom line is, if a bitch wants to kiss, you gotta kiss. Amen.
Mystery calls a spade a spade by pointing at he's probably just scared, but Virgin said he just got confused because he wasn't sure what to do. Matador checks that theory too, with his big words and phrases. This time we get "backwards rationalization" and with his buttery smooth voice and bulging biceps, I'm nodding my head in agreement over that, too.
We're pick up artists, man! That's what we do! No matter how much man-hugging and dinging we do in between.
So now the closing arguments, Virgin says that he's progressed each week so much, which Ringer says too, but edges him out by saying he could reach his potential faster. Nice one. Mystery calls both statements "compelling" and "inspirational". I say they were the same shit repeated, but for him this is tearing him up inside. This is his hardest decision yet. And..Ringer gets the final medallion, as we expected. Virgin made it farther than any of us expected anyway.
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Comments (8)
It isn't difficult to find a lot of homo-erotic symbolism this season (I'm getting the same vibe about UFC). I don't think these last four guys are gay, though. It is just the underlying dread of women that made them prime candidates for this show in the first place. They huddle together out of fear.
It was nice to see them all have some level of success - finally. Mystery sent the right guy home.
Who ultimately wins depends on the nature of the tests. Overall, I give a slight edge to the one you call Ringer.
Hutton freezes up too much when on his own, and Cowboy has to have the right kind of target (how many vapid bikini model tests can there be?).
Thanks for the recap!
1 of 8 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 22, 2008 11:08 AM
Oh I dunno...I really liked seeing naked Simeon with Lauren Hutton's boa around his neck, both wearing the same calm, satisfied smiles.
2 of 8 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 22, 2008 2:10 PM
IS...great recap!
I was thinking EXACTLY what you wrote at several instances:
"The Ringer confesses that he's never kissed a girl within a few minutes of meeting. Well, cleeeearly you haven't had enough booze then." --> NO SH!T! Ever been to a wedding reception? Or a college party? AND DRINKS ARE FREE THERE...
Virgin has a willing 3-some, and "...Finally he leaves and kisses the girls on...the hand. I'm ready to send this ball-dropper home right here and now." --> My thoughts as I read that? "Oh HAYALL no! OUT!" Ball-dropper, waste of space...it did just occur to me though, that if he were a TRUE playa, he might have just hooked that up for another time, off camera. OK I can dream, can’t I?
..."girls will give out their number just to escape the situation." --> I'm dying to know if those numbers were real, because a smart girl with give a fake number. And I've had guy friends do the same. And oh yeah for telemarketers too, don't we? But getting busted on it sux….
AND THE REASON I HAD TO POST: "I wish I could recall from all of my drunky days what got me to make out with a dude and I'd like to think it was something way better. But probably not." --> I was thinking the exact same thing. Damn, IS, I like you! Sounds like we coulda done a righteous “ho stroll” back in the day.
Speaking of… in which Standard are you working on these recaps for "us"?
You go, ho! ;-)
Thanks for the hilarious recaps. Keep up the great work.
3 of 8 | Posted by Chips.N.Whips | Posted on November 22, 2008 2:36 PM
hey guys! thanks for the saturday afternoon comments. i just got in from boozing it up at a girly girl clothing swap, so i'm totally in the mood to show y'all some IOIs and kino escalate.
fire@will: i definitely think that these boys are straight. the fact that they so unabashedly embrace each other every episode shows their fear. a confident man is not so quick to enter into the hearty man hug. and if they were gay they would have had better style from the get-go.
itchy: i would like to see it every week, too. it looked way more natural than any interaction with a female.
chips.n.whips: oh, girl. it's nice to know someone reading was also formerly a member of the order of fake numbers and random makeouts.
as for box girl duties, i'm at the hollywood standard on sunset blvd. i always tell my friends to come and see me, but we can't "break the fourth wall", so i can't wave. i am just a zoo animal writing recaps from my glass cage, not a performance artist doing sexy things. though i'm sure me typing away is tremendously sexy.
xoxoIS
4 of 8 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on November 22, 2008 3:14 PM
IS, another fab recap, but I wish you'd quit harping on your penchant for late recaps. We know you don't get paid for this and the result (not to mention 7 pages!) is always worth the wait. Flip should get major credit for pairing the right person with the right show.
This show became super-gay last season too. These guys really get to liking each other, it's touching, but..it's pretty damn gay. Mystery even shed a tear at a medallion ceremony last year!
And I'm sorry, the 'dor, he invented the quiver. What I'm saying is...he makes me quiver. He looks like a bulging chick, but, JC, I will say no more.
5 of 8 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on November 22, 2008 11:01 PM
*sigh* I just don't feel the love anymore now that Brian is gone. He was the best thing about this show. Ok ok, I know that he really wasn't progressing. But he was so adorable and funny! And he had an afro. Afros are awesome. Um... except when they are on 50 year old red headed dudes with pornstaches. Then, not so much. Anyway, miss you, Brian!! Call me.
The guys left are just so douche-y. Ok, maybe... MAYBE... Ringer is slightly less than the others. Maybe. Simeon is probably my favorite to win only because he looks sleezy/faux rockstar enough to fit in with Mystery and gang. Lauren Hutton is just annoying as hell. I'm glad the virgin is finally gone. He did learn and get better, I must say, but I feel that some of the guys that went home instead of him might have progressed further. Like that guy, whasshisname, who had the nice smile.
6 of 8 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 24, 2008 1:51 AM
What do you expect from a show hosted by a fop?
7 of 8 | Posted by ubiquitous | Posted on November 25, 2008 6:40 AM
Thanks for a great re-cap! Mystery's choice of clothing is so odd, it makes one wonder how he became a "master pickup artist". Sorry, no amount of kino or negs would work on me with him!!
8 of 8 | Posted by momoya | Posted on November 25, 2008 10:27 AM