Mystery says that when they finish their journey with him they'll be returning to their hometowns. (Or they'll all move to LA and become actors and party together 4ever.) Anyway, according to his "theory", they'll be rolling with these hometown guys anyway, so they'll have to get them up to speed at some point. Or they'll just roll with each other when they all move to Hollywood to Live the Dream.
Anylie, Effectively train your man and you'll have a lifelong wing! crows Mystery. Because you are definitely going to want to be hitting the clubs when you're in your sixties. Like I said, 4ever.
And to get things started, we're back to the underground subculture speak with talk of the creation of Avatars! And you can't make an Avatar without a Bridge and Tunnel Makover! Let's hop to it.
Who do you think you are to just break the fourth wall, Chuck? Huh? Huh??
So it's always a fun moment to see these PUAs-in-training do a one-eighty and suddenly lord their "authority" over their friends. Simeon starts in on his friend, GingerBoy without Glasses, assessing that he looks like he was sitting alone on the beach. And back in their hometown that's pretty much what they were doing. Not getting laid and sitting around in flip-flops. Backstory here is they used to be in the same fraternity in Seattle, so Simeon has had vast experience in homoerotic male bonding. I knew we were dealing with veterans.
GingerBoy with Glasses is also in awe of his friend's transformation. The Ringer used to be a shy Mormon. Now he's just a Mormon! Oh, Kidding. He also has a special power that makes him look like his hair is always wet.
Chuck is from LA and is kind of sweet. He's softspoken and wants to keep the "douche level" down which means he has a level of self-awareness the rest of these fools could only dream of if they knew what self-awareness was. But then he goes down a few notches when Lauren Hutton asks if his douche level is high and he says no. No?? Chuck could have saved his friend here! Hutton came out highest on the Bridge and Tunnel Douche Makeover in the first episdoe. If there's one thing you learn here during our time together this season it's that friends don't let friends be bridge and tunnel.
And effin' A, Chuck continues to go further down in my eyes when he starts using Hutton Lingo. He talks about how they go out together in LA and they go to "taverns" and "have adventures". He stops just short of the word "caper" so I don't have to throw my laptop out of the window of the glass box. They probably wouldn't want me back and I like this job.
I'm the Don Cheadle and you're the Scott Caan. Okay, okay. You can be Casey Affleck.
They decide his make over is gonna be metal. Judas Priest metal, in fact. And Chuck is back on top of my world. That's not how I wanted that to sound, but still. Chuck has regained some ground. Moving on.
And now it's time to shop. And they came to the right place if they want Douche Rocker. Less Rock Star, more Rock 'Tard. Of course Simeon is having a Rachel Zoe "I DIE" moment. He loves everything.
I'll let you borrow my hat, if I can borrow your belt. Real men share clothes, dude.
Simeon is on a mission to get this man laid. And not just laid, but HOTTIE laid. He even deploys some "That's what I'm talkin' about"s as he peruses the merchandise to really get my goat. Is anyone else disappointed that the crown looks like Simeon's for the taking?
Over with Ringer and GingerBoy with Glasses, they are quietly discussing options like good, decent people should. Only Rachel Zoe can freak out over stupid garments and get away with it, Sims. Ringer thinks about what he was wearing when he won the challenges and uses that as a springboard. They thoughtfully make their decisions and I am grateful that some people can make it through with a little dignity intact.
Chuck is looking for clothes that he doesn't have "issues" with which goes down in the pro column. If there was a format to do a running tally on this recap for How I Feel About Chuck, I would. I feel very strongly that you all would enjoy this feature.
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Comments (12)
Simeon's been channeling Mystery for a while now, so good for him. Are they going to choose a new name for him? Who gets to decide? Can we hold a contest to choose his new identity?
Anyway, if the Simeon at the beginning of the show was real, and he's feeling this way now, then I say kudos to him for the boost in self-confidence. Besides, insecure people frighten me.
Speaking of which...
Chubby Chuck agreed to come on the show -- then bailed on his buddy. Pure douchebaggery, if you ask me. He ought to have admitted that he's self-conscious about his weight and declined the offer.
Lady S -- is there a webcam of you? I could put that up in the corner of my screen and we could work together all day.
Last thought: I only watch the show for Tara, she's awesome. They ought to do a spinoff with her.
1 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:09 AM
I heard an internet rumor that Matador is married. Does anyone know if it is true?
Also, is Mystery in a monogamos relationship with anyone, or is he dating several ladies at once? Just curious if he's "settled down" with anyone. He is nearing 40.
2 of 12 | Posted by Norwego | Posted on November 26, 2008 10:01 AM
Great recap. You were so right about a lot of things, but I think the key to who wins is going to be a bout which one is more capable of working in the PUA corporation.
I have to pick Simeon to win. Hutton seems to still suffer from a deep lack of confidence.
Hutton might have other advantages, though - like an appeal to a different demographic.
Thanks for all your great recaps!
3 of 12 | Posted by fire@will | Posted on November 26, 2008 12:06 PM
I definitely think Simeon will win it. Who could stand to be around Lauren Hutton's pretentiousness for very long? He is just boring as EFF!! Simeon is at least slightly entertaining.
I think a Ringer/Simeon final would have been more of a challenge.
4 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 26, 2008 1:58 PM
norwego-from what i gleaned sunday, matador is definitely not married, but i think he has a girlfriend. he was with someone that he kept referring to as his "girl".
and mystery does not appear to be settled down at all. happily unsettled.
5 of 12 | Posted by theinternetsensation | Posted on November 26, 2008 2:14 PM
Eeewwww... the thought of a 45-50 year old Mystery with his feather boa and pimp hat is just icky.
6 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 26, 2008 3:43 PM
IS, are you sure the 'dor wasn't just trying to send a DHV spike your way with that girlfriend business? These PUA's can reap the rewards of girls not trusting a damn thing they say after they watch this show.
Oh, and good juicy news guys, Ringer has an acting resume on IMDB! No long hair, and lame credits. Scandal! Wikipedia has the link.
And I was one of the commenters that has called Mat a hottie, but in that last screencap of him, he looks like he scalped Condoleeza Rice.
7 of 12 | Posted by Tigermilk | Posted on November 26, 2008 4:24 PM
Yeah, Simeon has it in the bag, so to speak.
Did anyone else see the "Pick-Up Artist" episode of "Criminal Minds" that was on tonight? It had a Mystery-type who taught seminars on picking up "prey," and who had a student who took his lessons too seriously and killed the women he picked up. Now that's negging!
8 of 12 | Posted by pixielated | Posted on November 26, 2008 11:08 PM
Snooty, laughed out loud on that one! Does this mean you find this 35 year old version (well, he looks it anyway) NOT icky?
I find it hard to believe any of these tactics would work over here in Europe. My wife won't allow me to do any field research.
"But honey, I'm doing this for Sciiiiiience...."
9 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 27, 2008 12:29 AM
Itchy, you and I are of a similar age, both of us married and now living in Europe... wait, are you my husband? Oh yeah, you are in France. Whew! Anyway, back in the day? Yeah, I hate to admit it but I would have completely fallen for him and his act hook, line and sinker. I dated a few Mysteries in my day.
10 of 12 | Posted by Snootchy Bootches | Posted on November 27, 2008 4:19 AM
Hmm, then maybe we DO know each other...from back in my own pirate days...
11 of 12 | Posted by itchy | Posted on November 27, 2008 9:06 AM
I was crushing on Chuck too!
I am hoping VH1 decides to do a "Chuck of Love" series!
12 of 12 | Posted by amberpdidit | Posted on November 29, 2008 11:53 AM